164 Broke and Broken - The pain of financial infidelity

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week on the show, Stuart is going to discuss the pain and consequences of financial infidelity. This kind of relationship injury has an incredible impact on a couple. Listen as Stuart talks about how financial infidelity can break your relationship, and how to repair it.

 

Stuart has just returned from his spring vacation with his wife, where he got to unplug from the Internet for a while. It was a great time of connection for Stuart and Debbie and you know what? He didn’t miss that bombardment of information, news and noise for those 6 days at all!  Stuart had been to the resort with a girlfriend before he met Debbie. For some couples this might cause a problem if there were any insecurity in the relationship, but not for them! They’ve enjoyed their time away. Stuart always comes back from vacation with a renewed sense of purpose and more ideas for helping couples connect.

 

Spending money is harder for some people than for others. Luxury spending can get very expensive. Stuart just had to replace a part on his home A/C unit, and he hated to spend the money ( he says he can be cheap), but needed to get that air conditioning up and running for the Arizona summer heat! The savings on the power bill was worth the cost of the service call for the repair.

Money can be a difficult thing for couples to talk about. So to avoid the conflict, many couples just don’t divulge the money they’re spending. This is where financial infidelity can begin. This is a relationship injury that isn’t widely discussed. Stuart will define this for you and probe a little deeper into the subject.

 

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

 

Financial infidelity is a major trust violation 8:16

 

Lies bring up questions about the security of the relationship 10:45

 

You both need to decide on money matters that affect your lives 13:31

 

If you’ve spent money and lied, it’s time to come clean 17:40

 

You should review your financial condition together regularly 21:24

 

You need to secure the future of your family 24:46

 

Moving beyond the trust violation 27:06

 

If your relationship has suffered a trust violation due to financial infidelity, Stuart recommends the following:

 

Come clean. No punishment. You can’t go back, only move forward. Talk it through and agree to start over with a clean slate and get together on all of your financial issues.

 

Get rid of separate bank accounts. Get joint accounts and go over the monthly statements together.

 

Resolve to have honest conversations, give and receive sincere apologies and move forward in the spirit of togetherness and honesty.

 

You didn’t set out to hurt each other, you have to work on the emotional pieces of your relationship at the same time that you repair your finances.

 

You are going to have a long road back to recover both emotionally and financially. It might take years, so you have to be prepared to do that work on the repair the relationship and on the finances.This can mean making a budget and monitoring it monthly. Get help from a financial expert and from a couples expert.  Let love be the guiding force in rebuilding the trust and security both financially and emotionally.

 

Sponsored by: Before You Tie The Knot -  12 Essential Conversations to have before you marry.  This online course is recommended for anyone who is getting married.  http://beforeyoutietheknot.thecouplesexperts.com

 

Email Stuart at: [e-mail]

 

Next Week : On the heels of this episode about financial infidelity, we’re going to a shopping nightmare next week!  There are shoppers, and then there are shoppers . Join us on The Couples Expert next time when Stuart explores The Curse of the Shopper’s Husband! It’s going to be fun.We hope you’ll listen in.

 

Until next time, remember to be honest and thrifty, save and spend wisely, and stay connected!