Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast episode 143. Stuart’s guest on the podcast is Nicole Burgess, LMFT. Nicole specializes in counseling teens and women. She teaches mindfulness practice as a way to being a more centered and balanced individual.

Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast.This is episode 142 of our show today we'll be speaking about a divorce that comes on "all the sudden" and how to pay attention to the signs.

Welcome to episode 141 of our show. Today The Couples Expert is going to talk about something that can complicate relationships when people break up or divorce then get remarried.

Welcome to episode 140 of the Couples Expert Podcast. In today's show, Stuart is going to talk about a subject that most of you will be familiar with, and some of you may struggle with: That of the impact of Social Media on your life and relationships.

Welcome to episode 139 of our show. Your host Stuart Fensterheim has some insights to share with his listeners today about intimate partner relationships and sexual intimacy with your partner; specifically about banishing boredom from your bedroom.

Welcome to episode 138 of the Couples Expert Podcast. In today's show Stuart is going to share with listeners the secrets to a successful marriage that we all crave to know.

In episode 137 of this week's podcast, Stuart speaks of using humor and positivity to divorce-proof your marriage. 

In episode 136 of this week's podcast, Stuart speaks of remarriage & the "Doubt Factor" with special guest Brian Mayer.

In episode 135 of this week's podcast Stuart speaks of the connections that we have with our siblings in addition to the relationships that we have with our spouses and partners, the sibling connection is a major relationship that we keep near our hearts.

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast:

• Why family relationships with siblings are so important 6:20
• How your early relationships form your adult interactions 7:10
• How your partner views you based on how you interact with your siblings 10:59
• Why keeping those sibling relationships alive and healthy is so important 12:00
• Extended family includes in-laws from your partner and ex-partners as well 20:21
• Love creates the dynamic that allows you to make everyone feel important  23:11
• Repair your sibling relationships and have no regrets. 24:09

Read the complete show notes here

In episode 134 of this week’s scary podcast Stuart discusses how important our marriage is to us; the impact on us when we’re struggling in our relationships; how each of us can be harmed. We need to have a good relationship so both of the individuals can thrive singularly in addition to the relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Nothing is better than having that relationship with that one person in the world who loves you more than anyone [7:00]
• The most negative relationships and you – It’s no joke [8:17]
• The physical impact of living in negative relationships [11:20]
• Mental health, memory and unhappy relationships [14:30]
• The emotional toll of an unhappy marriage [17:30]
• You and your partner can have the dream  [24:00]

Read the complete show notes here

October is Domestic Violence Month and our goal here at The Couples Expert is to bring awareness to the challenges and issues that couples face. No one likes to talk about Domestic Violence, not even Stuart, but this is a very real problem that occurs in the shadows of not only the poor urban and economically depressed areas of our country, but the wealthy and affluent homes as well. Listen in as Stuart shines a light on this dark issue. 

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast:

• Sobering statistics about domestic violence 7:35
• How love turns to violence 8:15
• We are responsible for how we treat our partners 10:39
• The cycle/pattern of violence has three phases 12:00
• One example of how things go wrong (the story of Ross and Beth)  17:27
• Why it’s different for the wealthy 24:25
• When the man is the victim 26:17

Read the complete show notes here

In episode 132 of The Couples Expert podcast Stuart is reflecting on how blessed we are by the people in our lives. We need to tell those people how much they matter to us. The things that we do for others to make their lives easier are another example of showing how they matter to us. Seeing his wife shop and cook for her elderly parents makes Stuart feel how fortunate he is to have Debbie in his life. She’s a very kind and giving person. If Stuart didn’t slow down and notice sometimes, all of these might pass him by. Does any of this sound familiar to you? It’s really all about love. 

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast: 

• Why expressing your passion in life makes you happy 6:57
• What passion means in your relationship 8:54
• How you keep that passion in your marriage every day 14:04
• Why you should plan activities together 16:15
• How to get passionate in the bedroom 19:15

Read the complete show notes here

In episode 131 of our show we're going to expand your horizons and your thought processes about the Universe and your relationship with your partner.  Stuart has brought Mel Schwartz, LCSW Clinician and author to guest on our podcast. They’re going to discuss Mel’s latest book The Possibility Principle and how the concepts surrounding his study of quantum physics can improve the way you think. There is a correlation to your relationship and the science Mel is studying. Thanks for joining us today. Listen as Stuart and Mel talk about a practical approach to living fearlessly and about his book The Art of Intimacy, The Pleasure of Passion. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• How quantum physics pertains to your relationships 3:40
• How we get in the way of communication and the 5 percent rule 8:00
• The goal is not to win but to have a dialogue 12:43
• Uncertainty is the essence of romance (Oscar Wilde) 14:27
• Techniques for subjectively discussing our issues 18:35
• Why are you in this relationship? Is it out of fear?  19:44
• How to infuse your relationship with uncertainty and passion 25:30

In Episode 130 of The Couples Experts Podcast Stuart discusses the perception that men need to have sex with any or every woman and cannot be friends with females without sex becoming an issue.

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast: 

• Can men live up to their commitments and stay true to their vows? [5:45] 

• Is the Coolidge Effect real? [11:00] 

• What is the difference between those who can stay faithful and those who cannot? [12:17] 

• The importance of teaching the value of connection over sexual desire [14:58] 

• How adults conduct relationships [19:55] 

• Teaching the value of emotion and understanding [21:56] 

• The 7 year itch and other clichés [25:56]

Read the complete show notes here

In episode 129 of The Couples Expert podcast the topic is making peace with your divorce before you remarry. That’s pretty deep isn’t it? What Stuart wants our listeners to know is that there is oftentimes work that needs to be done on your part to figure out what went wrong with the prior relationship before you remarry or commit to another relationship. 

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast: 

• What is the value you place on marriage? 2:32
• Do the autopsy on your past relationships 3:23
• Co-parenting true or false?  4:38
• Letting go of the past and moving on 6:56
• Consequences of rebounding into a new relationship 15:54
• Deal with and take responsibility for the issues that got in the way in the last relationship 18:24

Read the complete show notes here

in episode 128 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about married sex and sex in monogamous relationships. Getting married doesn’t mean your sex life is over. When you’re young, just starting out, you may think that getting married or being in a monogamous relationship is going to mean the end of great sex.  Stuart discusses how in many ways it’s just the opposite. Please note that the content of this podcast relates to adult themes and parental guidance is suggested. Listen as Stuart talks about married sex. 

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast:

• Married sex vs.unmarried sex
• The bachelor party and the aftermath  
• Sex is not a science experiment
• What happens in Canada…
• The dream is real
• The keys to the best love life

Click here to read the complete show notes

Episode 127 of The Couples Expert Podcast is about living and loving in middle age. Stuart is going to answer some burning questions you may have about life after 60. Is it all downhill from here? Take a listen as Stuart addresses the concerns that many of you have about love and aging. 

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast: 

• When you’re 50+ you’re just learning to live life 6:50 

• The golden ticket to love that lasts a lifetime  9:53 

• The benefits of love and making better choices when you’re over 50 15:15 

• Recognizing the small things that make a difference and make you happy 18:30 

• The end is getting nearer so live out loud 24:56 

• Importance of connecting with loved ones and having a great sex life in your 60s 30:00 

• A recap 38:43

Read the complete show notes here

In episode 126 of The Couples Expert podcast Stuart’s topic is about the meaning and characteristics of Loyalty in your relationships. There are certain basic characteristics of loyalty in our relationships and Stuart is going to define those and the behaviors that accompany them. 

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast:

• Loyalty means respecting your partner’s strengths and weaknesses [4:58]
• Keeping confidences   [8:37]
• Never stand against your partner in public [9:56]
• When your partner needs you [11:29]
• The meaning of loyalty [13:11]
• Honesty is a characteristic of loyalty [17:57]
• The difference in loyalty in friendship and love relationships [20:32]
• Loyal as a therapy dog [24:26]

Read the full show notes here

Episode 125 of The Couples Expert Podcast is about financial role reversals in relationships; when the woman is the main earner or breadwinner in the relationship. This can be a touchy and sensitive subject. Tune in and here Stuart discuss the challenges that come with this type of arrangement.

What you’ll learn from today’s Podcast:

• The perception of society and why gender roles shouldn’t matter at [4:15]
• How best we meet the goal matters most at [8:00]
• Stay at home Dads and stereotypes at [9:32]
• Women don’t need a man to support them and why you shouldn’t need permission to spend money at [10:41]
• The value of stay at home parenting and financial independence at [14:05]
• Teamwork is the key at [15:49]
• Men struggle with role reversal and the double standard at [17:22]
• The value of both roles in the family’s success at [20:15]

Read the complete show notes here

In Episode 124 of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart's guest is Laurie DiLorenzo. Laurie recently joined The Couples Experts in Scottsdale, AZ. Laurie is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with a varied background in counseling youth, families and couples including Spring Hills Academy Residential Treatment. Today Stuart and Laurie are going to discuss dealing with an angry adolescent.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• How to define an angry adolescent at 6:19
• Holding good boundaries and firm values for teens at 8:03
• Anger and your own self- control and mindfulness as a parent  at 11:50
• When teens want to be on their own but still crave structure from parents at 16:01
• Definition of true discipline at 19:56
• How to reach out to an angry teen with empathy and when to seek help at 21:18
• Parents can seek help first to better help their child at 28:23

Read the complete show notes here

In this week's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, the topic is Interracial Relationships. Stuart talks about race and how we've come a long way as a country, but still there is a long way to go.

Interracial couples face the same challenges that other couples face while they attempt to build a life together, but in addition to the day to to day issues that the average couple faces, and interracial relationship may have additional outside stressors antagonizing the relationship. These outside stressors could be family members that reject the idea of race mixing, friends or even complete strangers.

It's so important that people in an interracial relationship know and understand that love is love. It has no color. We love who we love. In saying that, the reality is, if you are in an interracial relationship you shouldn't be surprised or caught off guard or hurt if your relationship is not accepted by all.

You may run into people who stare at you, or even mumble and say things. That doesn't make it okay, but be prepared. As long as you and your partner work on strengthening the foundation of your relationship, your friendship and love for one another you can have a long lasting thriving relationship.

Episode 123 of The Couples Expert Podcast is about interracial marriage, or as he likes to call it, simply: marriage. No matter your racial background, the challenges are same for all couples trying to have a close and connected relationship.  The struggles in your relationship if you’re an interracial couple more often than not come from outside stressors which sadly can also sometimes include your very own family members. Listen in as Stuart discusses some of the great challenges and joys of being an interracial couple.

What Stuart will discuss on today’s podcast:

• Interracial Marriage became legal at [3:45]
• Love sees no color at [6:51]
• Root causes of pain in interracial relationships at [7:40]
• Children are colorblind at [10:00]
• When family and friends are resistant at [14:29]
• How your family can overcome racial bias at [19:35]

Click here to read the full show notes

What is Trust in a marriage? In today's video Stuart delves into the topic of trust and what it means to really have trust in your partner.

When it comes to relationships, most people think of trust as it relates to infidelity. But, trust is more than whether or not someone is having an affair or cheating on their partner.

Think about the following questions. Answer them honestly to yourself. Your answers will reveal to you whether or not you truly trust your partner.

Do you trust your partner to do their part in the relationship?
Do you trust your partner to be there for you when you need them?
Do you trust that your partner will do what he/she says they will do?
Do you trust your partner with money?
Do you trust your partner with decision making?

I could keep going but you get the point.

After looking at trust in a much broader sense, can you honestly say that you trust your partner?

If your answer is no, there is some work that the two of you need to do on your relationship. Underlying feelings of distrust will manifest, and can be the root cause of many disagreements and arguments.

It's time to build trust and Get On The Same Page!!

In episode 122 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart will be discussing issues surrounding trust in your relationship.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast: 

• When you don’t have trust at 6:00
• How trust is built at 7:34
• How do you keep that bond of trust? At 10:08
• Continually renewing trust in your relationship at 12:22
• Trust is more than fidelity at 13:55
• When you choose the wrong partner at 15:00
• What love and security gives you at 16:14

Read the complete show notes here

Today's Three Minutes with Stuart is all about building a lifelong monogamous relationship with your spouse.

When it comes to Monogamy a lot of people have begun to question whether or not having a monogamous relationship, where both you and your partner forsake having relationships outside your marriage, is realistic.

Some couples that I have counseled have what's known as an "open" relationship. This is where the partners agree that it's okay for the two of them to see other people, but they remain committed to their marriage as their main relationship.

In my many years of working with all types of couples, I fully believe that it's possible to have a long lasting monogamous relationship. In fact, I believe that monogamy affords you the best opportunity to build a truly genuine and authentic love with your partner. After all, if there is no connection, you have no real relationship.

Today I talk about the expectations you should have and some of the things that may happen during the life of your relationship with your partner.

Episode 121 of The Couples Expert Podcast is all about the challenges and expectations of having a monogamous relationship. Is it realistic or even possible to live with, love and be happy with only one person?  Listen as Stuart discusses this very important subject today. We’re happy to have you with us. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• Definitions of intimacy , polyamory and monogamy at 5:00
• Fear of not being satisfied by one person at 10:49
• Chose your partner carefully at 13:45
• Understanding your own desires and needs at 14:57
• You have to talk about sex at 17:40
• Maintaining loving relationships for life at 19:50
• Aging changes things including body image at 22:06
• Stuart gives a cautionary message at 25:22

Read the complete show notes here

The mornings can be very stressful during the school year. In today's Three Minutes with Stuart,Stuart shares some helpful tips for couples and parents to help ease the stress and make the mornings run more smoothly.

Why Is Having A Morning Routine Important?

Establishing a morning routine with your family make things easier on everybody. Over time with repetition things will become easier as you and your children adjust and everyone knows what to expect.

Doing some thing the night before can help ease the stress of the morning as well. For instance, having your children pick out the clothes they are going to wear to school before bedtimes avoids last minute panic if they aren't able to find an article of clothing or something needs to be ironed because of too many wrinkles.

Your mornings set the tone for the rest of your day. The smoother your morning runs, the more likely your day will get off to a great start and everything else will fall into place.

Be sure to watch the full video for all of Stuart's helpful morning routine suggestions. If you practice some of these tips, morning this school year should flow much better for you and your family.

In Episode 120 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s guest, Sharmeen Mahmud, is a specialist in working with children, teens and families. She’s worked in the CA school system as a school -based counselor and clinician to help families meet their educational goals for their children for about ten years. Stuart and his guest Sharmeen will be talking about children going back to school; how to maintain a close connection as a couple and still attend to the children’s needs. Listen as Stuart and Sharmeen talk about all aspects of helping children and families adjust to back to school. 

It’s surprising how much anxiety and worry can accompany school prep, both for kids and for their parents. Sharmeen and Stuart discuss how preparedness and realistic expectations can help with these issues both for the parents and the children going to school for the first time. 

On Today’s Podcast: 

• How Sharmeen came into this field at  6:36
• Couples can prepare kids for the school year at 10:39
• Parents can be nervous about their kids going to school at 16:10
• Helping older teens prepare at 18:03
• Homework challenges at 19:55
• When homework is ignored, whose responsibility is it? At 22:11
• How to keep close as a couple at 25:39
• Cultural Diversity and how different cultures relate to back to school at 28:53

Click here to read the complete show notes

People look for love in all the wrong places when the person sitting next to you may be the love that you are longing for.

You see, many people get into relationships with high expectations of their partner, of the relationship only to be disappointed because no one focuses on the work that is involved in making a relationship work. You have to make an effort. WE HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIPS THE LOVE THAT WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

If we don't, guess what happens? The relationship is lack luster or IT FAILS. We may even become bitter, discouraged and start believing the lie that there is no such thing as true love. On the contrary true love is a reality for many couples who have taken the time to really work at their relationships.

These couples do insane things like really getting to know one another, and listen to each other's needs. They learn ways to communicate with one another effectively and do things to make their spouse feel loved and special. They are kind and show appreciation.

You see, there is no secret to having a long-lasting , successful relationship. Relationships are like everything else that we aspire to be great at. They take practice. They take work. And with practice and hard work we can build amazingly successful relationships with our spouse.

In episode 119 is about how the attachments you have in childhood can affect your adult relationships. This may not be something that you’ve thought a lot about and you may even be surprised at how much sense this makes to you. Listen as Stuart explains the correlation between the way your family relationships were with the caregivers in your childhood and the way you relate to your partner. 

This podcast is being released on the day that Stuart’s nephew by marriage will get married. Family issues often are brought out during these types of family events. It’s always interesting to see how traditional family roles are played out when the family gets together and how it will affect the event. This relates to our podcast today since we’re talking about how a child is raised and how their attachments were met(or not met) have a huge influence on the person they grow up to be. 

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast:

• Everything is modifiable in the real world (you are never stuck) at 4:20
• How do we connect?  at 15:30
• Understanding attachment science at 16:04
• Secure attachment experiences change your life at 23:00
• How to help you to feel secure at 25:17

 Click here to view the complete show note

Timeouts are an effective tool that couples can use when things are really heated and starting to get out of control. However, so many couples use time outs the wrong way.

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart goes in detail on how to do an effective timeout. He points out some of the ways couples go about doing the timeout incorrectly, and then demonstrates how timeouts should work by providing several examples.

This is the timeout method that The Couples Expert gives to his clients in his counseling practice in Scottsdale, AZ.

If you are interested in the print out Stuart mentions in the video, please email him at info@thecouplesexperts.com with 'Please send me the time out handout from your video' in the subject line.

One of the main take aways from today's video is that Time outs are NOT meant to repair the relationship. Time outs are for preventing further damage to the relationship by allowing the partner who is out of control, or feeling like they are losing control the opportunity to calm down before revisiting the issue that is topic of the conflict.

In Episode 118 of The Couples Expert podcast Stuart discusses anger and the impact it has on relationships and marriage. Anger is something we all deal with at one time or another, and it’s a sure bet that one or both of you will get angry from time to time. It’s what happens when you’re angry that impacts the relationship with your partner. How you handle your anger and how you manage these strong emotions are what really matters. 

Listen as Stuart discusses this week’s topic of the impact of anger in your marriage. 

Quote: “It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time” Wayne Dyer

Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the ability to choose. I hope you choose laughter. 

What you’ll learn on today’s Podcast: 

• The impact of anger on children at 4:34
• Anger breeds resentment and kills respect at 7:20
• Anger is normal but destruction is not at 10:50
• Communicate by listening at 13:28
• What does anger mean to you at 15:34
• Vulnerability vs. Emotional detachment at 20:15
• Being on the same team at 24:09
• What’s the secret of a long marriage at 26:02
• Some tips to help let go of anger at 28:13

Read the full show notes here

In this episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart talks about a relationship checkup.

When the majority of people think of couples counseling they see counseling as a resource for couples who are having problems, and not something that couples who are in healthy relationships can benefit from too.

However, couples that are in healthy relationships can benefit from couples counseling too!

Relationships take work. In fact, anything in life that we want to excel in or at takes work, but surprisingly most people come into relationships and don't make the connection that their relationship needs work too.

Just as its important to your physical health to have a check up each year to make sure your healthy, and be proactive in heading off potential health risks, we should all consider the importance of an annual relationship checkup for couples.

A relationship checkup can help you avoid waking up one day wondering what happened to your connection with your partner. Couples come into my practice in Scottsdale, and may times when they come, it's only after things have gotten so bad in their relationship, when it could have been avoided.

Many times one partner will be completely unaware that there was a problem in their relationship, and they're surprised when they hear from their partner that hey haven't been happy in a long time.

Relationship checkups will help you check your relationships health and identify problem areas. You'll also be given solutions to help you resolve any issues that could potentially damage your relationship BEFORE things get out of hand.

Like cancer, you have the greatest opportunity to defeat the disease when it's identified and treated in its beginning stage. It's the same for your relationship.

Plus, you don't go through the relationship assessment alone. You'll go through your results with an objective third party that is there to help you and your partner have all the tools and information you need to build a life-long successful relationship together.

In episode 117 the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart, talks about how healthy and happy couples can also benefit from relationship counseling before they get into difficulties.

Love and relationship maintenance is just as important for your relationship as mechanical maintenance is for your vehicle. Learn to think of your relationship counselor as an on-call love mechanic. Get those regular tune ups and make sure your relationship is running smoothly and able to handle any bumps along the road of life.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• A common issue that Stuart finds in his office practice at 5:07

• How to stay best friends with your partner at 8:30

• Habits of successful couples, challenges and a prescription for a happier life at 9:56

• Finding opportunities to be together as a couple at 17:08

• Gratitude, compromise and finding solutions at 20:00

View the full show notes here

How important are the relationships that we have in our lives? Could a relationship with a person make the difference between choosing to live and contribute to the community or choosing to destroy the community and take away from it?

In today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, The Couples Expert, the topic is the importance of the different relationships we have in our lives, but even more important is the relationship we have with our partner.

Stuart talks about being kind and how the smallest act of kindness can effect someone in a positive way. With all the negativity and chaos that is happening in the world around us, we have to be sure that we bring joy, light and happiness into our own personal world with the people who are in our lives.

Tune in to the 116th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast! Stuart’s guest is Fig’s O’Sullivan, an emotionally focused therapist. He’s created an app for couples (see Empathi.com) to have a deep and authentic vulnerable love together. It’s a coaching program that helps couples get closer together. There is science that has informed us about how to have a healthy and more satisfying relationship by re-training your brain to be more loving together.

This podcast is reaching all around the world and the conversations that we have are very genuine and authentic. Technology has allowed The Couples Expert to reach out to experts like Figs O’Sullivan and we’re so happy to have him with us on the podcast today. Listen as Stuart and Figs discuss Empathi and how the website and app help couples improve their relationships.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• How Figs became involved in relationship counseling at 7:10

• How EFT Works when you’re in training to be a therapist at 10:58

• What is Empathi? At 14:06

• Who are you in love at 18:30

• When you don’t know what to say at 19:57

• The quiz results are only the beginning of a process at 24:01

• 12 questions at Empathi.com and how they change perspective at 26:27

• An online course for those who want to dig deeper and creatures who

represent emotions at 30:30

• Take the quiz alone, and as your partner. What a perspective! At 34:39

• Other applications for the applications  at 38:16

• The cognitive piece and how it fits at 40:19

You can view the full show notes here!

The good news is that the divorce rate has dropped from 50% to 30%. That's great news actually. It means that couples are finding ways to work through their differences and stay committed to their vows to be together for a lifetime.

But what happens when you feel alienated or alone in your marriage? What do you do when the bridge for communication with your partner has collapsed and there is no understanding between the two of you?

If you are feeling alienated or alone in your relationship you have to let your partner know how you feel. So many divorces and failed relationships are the end result of a breakdown in communication.

All of us have a need to be understood, and having a loving connection with our partners is crucial to the overall success of any long term relationship.

Remember, why you fell in love with your partner in the first place and try to do something fun that the two of you both enjoy together to start the process of rebuilding your friendship with one another and re-establishing your connection.

The more time you spend enjoying each others company and having fun with one another, the easier it will be to start talking about things again.

In episode 115 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s topic is Discernment Counseling with Sanya Bari from Mountain Lakes, New Jersey where she counsels couples in trouble. She works to help them look at their decisions in a new way that allows them to make a less impulsive and more informed decision about whether to end their marriage or to do the work needed to save it. Listen as Stuart and Sanya discuss the details and benefits of discernment counseling for couples on the brink of divorce. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast: 

• How Sanya started in this field at 6:47
• Why discernment counseling at 7:45
• Definition of discernment counseling at 12:03
• The questions couples need to answer for the process at 14:21
• The high percentage of couples that come in for counseling are unsure

If they want to continue in the relationship at 20:53

• What if expectations or demands are unrealistic at 25:40
• Soft and hard reasons for divorce at 27:43
• How couples can save their marriages most of the time  at 29:20
• Stuart’s question about the process at 33:15
• How discernment counseling is a win-win for all at 35:00

Read the full show notes here

In episode 114 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart discusses the unique relationships between “copreneurs.” These are couples that are in love and in business together. Many of them are the power couples that seem to have it all going for them. They have to balance work, home and their romantic relationships in order to to be successful. Take a listen as Stuart gives some insight on what skills and habits copreneur couples need to have for them to be healthy and happy in all aspects of their life and work. 

Stuart visited his father in Hollywood, FL recently. They had a great visit on their brief vacation together and went to a sporting event. They reminisced about trips they took when Stuart was a child when they would go to the Yankee games and do father/son activities. The time they spent together with Stuart’s dad was so special. Stuart’s dad is 90 years old, so it’s a thrill for them to be able to spend time together. Stuart gives us a reminder about connecting with the important people, especially elderly parents before it’s too late. 

Quote: “It’s amazing how much you can accomplish when you don’t care who gets the credit. “  Harry S. Truman

When you’re building a life and a company together you cannot be in competition with your partner. You both have to have a shared vision and purpose in order to succeed. 

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast : 

• The definition of “copreneur” at 5:26
• Attributes of successful power couples at 8:08
• Why you need a shared vision and plan for life and business at 9:16
• Tips and advice for successful copreneurs at 10:30
• How being in business together frees you 14:54
• What if it doesn’t work? 16:38

 Read the full show notes here

Today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart is particularly important because Stuart speaks about a very important issue that is seldom talked about. PTSD and the first responders who may suffer from post traumatic stress disorder.

First responders are a truly unique type of people. They put their lives on the line everyday and make sacrifices for the safety of the community at large.

During the course of their work shift they come in contact with all types of situations. They may experience the joy of saving a life or helping someone in the community that is in need, to witnessing the loss of life and feeling helpless that they were not able to prevent someone from dying.

Many times first responders suffer silently.

It's so important if you are in a relationship with a first responder that you and your partner have strong communication with one another.

Allowing your partner to share with you their feelings about what they have been through on the job is important.

Sometimes they may just want to be alone to process their feelings. Giving them space to do so is also okay.

Can EMDR Therapy Help People with PTSD?

EMDR therapy is primarily used for people suffering from trauma and PTSD. It’s especially helpful for reprocessing the memories associated with all kinds of trauma whether it’s violence or natural disaster. Often when people suffer from these types of trauma, they are unable to move past the event in their mind. They replay it over and over again, and when this happens, the memories that are triggered feel just as painful and intense as the initial event. This causes people to become stuck in their past and unable to move forward in life and relationships. As you can imagine, this can cause a great deal of emotional conflict and chaos in families and relationships. People suffering this type of PTSD are helped by EMDR therapy to reprocess the memories and calm the emotions that surround them. When they have completed the therapy, ideally they will have a better perspective on the events. If they do become triggered, they will not react as intensely, and will be able to calm themselves more readily. When they have a handle on these emotions and memories they are more able to deal with the other relationships in their lives and feel generally more trusting, confident and happy. This opens the door for healthier relationships to parents, children and life partners.

Interested in EMDR for PTSD? Learn more here:
http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/emdr-therapy/

Welcome to episode 113 of The Couples Expert Podcast.  We have an unusual topic this week; first responders and the importance keeping your connection strong. If you have a first responder in your family, are married to one or have a friend who is, take a listen to the podcast today. First responders are those brave individuals who run towards danger when everyone else is running away. It takes a special kind of grit and purpose to do that kind of work. It also takes a special kind of person to be in a relationship or be married to a first responder. It can be a chaotic, sometimes lonely kind of life. Stuart talks about some of the special challenges associated with being in a relationship with a first responder. Whether they be armed forces, reserve military, police, fire or other emergency services, these special individuals give a lot of themselves to the job. The partners, families and spouses of first responders are some of the most compassionate and flexible people in the world. Listen as Stuart discusses life with a first responder partner and how to keep your relationship close and connected.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: 

• How religion can bridge the gap between cultures and the Jewish holiday of Shavuot at  :57
• Some of the unique challenges for first responder partners at 4:29 

• What’s needed to have a connected relationship with your first responder 7:35 

• How high stress affects first responders at 9:07 

• Why checking in is important at 11:43 

• Small things that you can do to stay connected at 13:20 

• Flexibility is important at 15:20

Read the full show notes here

In today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, The Couples Expert explains the importance of a family vacation and a couples vacation.

If you can only take one vacation and you have to choose between going on a family vacation or a couples vacation, choose the couples vacation.

You may be asking yourself, why the couples vacation?

The reason you should choose the couples vacation, if you can't do both because of budget constraints or timing issues, is because it's so important that you and your partner have some time during the year where you the two of you can enjoy each other without the distractions of everyday life.

And.. vacation is just that, a vacation!

So, while you are on vacation, whether as a couple or a family, don't allow triggers to interfere with you and your partner having fun and truly enjoying the vacation together.

In Episode 112 of The Couples Expert is all about summer fun. Get ready for some fun suggestions and ideas to make your summer vacation the best ever! 

The fun and memories that you create together helps to sustain you through future challenges and over the rough spots in life. Thanks for joining us today. Enjoy your summer kick off with Stuart. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• How to plan your couple’s time at 6:35
• Why you need to let go of work at 7:39
• How to handle it if you’re struggling in your relationship at 8:44
• How to change the channel at 10:03
• Suggestions for things to do at 12:42
• The argument for “stay-cations” at 16:00

To view the complete show notes click here

In today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart talks about renewing wedding vow, and shares wedding vows that he wrote for his wife Debbie.

After being married to someone for several years we learn that the love we had in the beginning of our marriage is not the same as the type of love that develops from being married to someone for through life's challenges over the course of many years.

Typically, the love you have for your partner has grown deeper, and your bond should be stronger. That's why one of the most beautiful and rewarding moments a couple can have, especially if they have successfully completed counseling, is to renew their commitment to one another. This can be expressed by renewing your wedding vows.

Renewing your wedding vows is a beautiful and symbolic way to announce to the world that you STILL feel optimistic and joyful about their future together, and that you are still in love with your partner and wouldn't want to be in this world, going through life's ups and downs with anyone else.

In episode 111 Stuart talks about a goal he sets for couples who come to his practice which is the renewing of their vows or a recommitment ceremony. Please listen as Stuart gives some insight and some great ideas for ways that couples can make their vow renewal a fantastic experience for all involved. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast: 

• Transformation happens after a relationship injury is repaired at 3:03 

• The reasons to renew your vows at 6:07 

• Stuart is ordained to officiate when you renew your vows at 9:57 

• Rituals and symbols that can be meaningful to you both at 12:20 

• Who and what you can include in the ceremony and vows at 14:15

Click here to view the complete show notes.

Mother's Day is right around the corner and as we prepare to celebrate the woman in our lives that raised us, or our wives and grandmothers, we thought it important to acknowledge the women who are in the role of mother for children who are not biologically theirs.

In today's 3 Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart shares a little about his family upbringing in a blended family. He also talks about his wife Debbie, who is not the mother of his two children from a previous relationship.

He asks the question: Which Mother is A Priority on Mother's Day?

The answer to that question is BOTH.

Though the stepmother is easily overlooked, she should be celebrated just as much as the natural mother of a child. Yes, the biological mother birthed the children and still plays an active role in the child's life (in most situations), however, stepmothers sign up for a package deal. Just like stepfathers do.

They walk into a situation knowing that there are children involved that are not theirs, and take on some level of responsibility for the child(ren). That should be recognized by husbands, the children, and even the biological mother.

This Mother's Day, if you are apart of a blended family, be sure to emphasize the importance of celebrating BOTH mothers. It's a touchy subject in lots of families, but the fact still remains stepmother's are mother's too.

Episode 110 of The Couples Expert Podcast is all about appreciating all the special women in our lives, but particularly our mothers and the mothers of our children. 

Listen as Stuart recounts his growing up in a blended family and the lessons he learned about the importance of his Mother and her role in the family. He also had a Stepmother whom he loved and was very influential in his life. He talks about ways to honor the important women in your life this Mother’s Day, (Sunday, May 14th).                                                            

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Moms deserve your encouragement every day at 3:00
• It helps when you’re struggling to see your partner through fresh eyes at 4:17
• Dad’s responsibility on Mother’s Day at 5:49
• Some suggestions for making Mom’s day special at 7:45
• Recognize your partner for all they do and show appreciation at 10:49
• Suggestions for a romantic Mother’s Day treat for her at 12:05
• If you listen you will learn what she wants at 15:19
• Honor Mom and Grandmother on Mother’s Day 17:44
• Stepmoms are Moms too at 18:21

View the complete show notes here

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart shares what a couple that truly wants to move forward and heal their relationship after an affair must do.

An affair is one of the worst relationship injuries, and going through the process of affair recovery is hard on both partners.

Tune in to today's episode and find out why Stuart says that in order to move forward after an affair you have to "bury your marriage".

In Episode 109 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s guest is Jim Thomas. Jim Thomas is an internationally known speaker, EFT guru and teacher. He and Stuart are going to be discussing sexuality, infidelity, monogamy and long term partnerships.

Please Note: The language in this podcast may not be suitable for small children. We advise parental guidance. Please take a listen to Stuart and Jim’s candid and genuine discussion of sex, love and relationship issues around the topic of infidelity. 

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: 

• What defines “normal” and conversations about sex and gender at 8:50 

• Fantasy and role play is more common than you think at 16:28 

• Couples who have secure emotional bonds are more affectionate and have better sex at 23:45 

• Kissing without expectation of sex increases affection and connection 26:10

• How lack of emotional intimacy can lead to affairs and infidelity at 32:40

• Specific things you can do right now at 39:00

• Rebuilding trust after an affair 43:39

Click here to view the full show notes.

The question of infidelity, and what is infidelity comes up a lot with couples. It can be a confusing topic because there's more than one type of infidelity.

Of course the most commonly known type of infidelity is sexual or physical infidelity. Having intercourse is not the only way that sexual infidelity takes place. Touching, hugging, kissing, caressing and holding hands are all parts of sexual infidelity.

In today's Three Minutes's with Stuart, Stuart discusses sexual infidelity, along with emotional infidelity and financial infidelity.

In episode 108 of The Couples Expert Podcas Stuart’s guest is Dr. Charlie Glickman, a writer and sexuality educator who teaches workshops and seminars on sexuality. Listen as he and Stuart discuss sexuality, travel and keeping your sexual intimacy strong in a long-distance relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Verbal conversations are better than texts for sharing emotions at [4:57]
• What you can do when you can’t physically touch your partner at [14:37]
• How sexting can play a part in keeping your erotic life alive at [17:42]
• How role play can bring out a different side of us  at 25.48
• How to understand what you and your partner need to be aroused at [30:06]
• How to explore your fantasy life (3 questions) [34:53]

 Click here to view the full show notes

In today's 3 Minutes with Stuart we get the answer to the question many of us who have suffered the loss of a loved one have sought the answer to; is it betrayal to move on with your life?

Are you betraying your partner that has passed on if you start a relationship with someone new?

Should you feel guilty if you develop feelings for someone new?

How do you move forward after losing someone you love?

The answers to these questions and more in today's episode!

In episode 107 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about a deeply personal topic for him as he observes Patriot’s Day which celebrates one of the first battles of American Revolution at Lexington and Concord in 1775. This date (April 19th) became the day that was chosen for the running of the Boston Marathon and it’s been run every year since 1897. It’s also the birthday of Stuart’s sister, who lives very near to where the race starts.   

As you know the terrible bombing occurred at the Marathon in 2013. This terrorist attack on the marathon participants and spectators affected thousands; not only those in Boston but their family members all around the world. Stuart’s sister and family usually attended the race as spectators, so you can imagine how anxious and worried he was when he heard the news about the bombing. Listen in as Stuart tells the story and talks about the impact of grief and loss on your relationship.  

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast: 

• The impact of an unexpected or tragic loss at 3:07
• Keeping loved ones alive in memory  5:38
• Loss of a child 8:50
• Make each day count, find the positivity in life 10:10
• Encourage and support each other in your grief 14:50
• Don’t allow yourself to be distracted from what’s important 18:30
• The importance of connecting with your partner and resolving your hurts 20:21
• What would you want in your eulogy? 23:22 

This week we've been focusing on grief and loss at the Couples Expert. Many of us have experienced losing someone that was very dear to us. It could have been a husband or wife. We could have suffered through the loss of a family member, like a grand parent, aunt, or sibling.

How do we cope when our heart is hurting because we've lost a loved one? What should we do?

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart performs a short skit, where he is a man that has just experienced the loss of his beloved wife. He talks about some of the thoughts and feelings that one may experience at a time like this and offers suggestions of what we can do to help cope and move forward through the pain of losing a loved one.

Be sure to watch the entire video. You will be glad that you did!

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart shares how his wife Debbie and him celebrate Passover and Easter as an interfaith couple.

He explains how an interfaith sedar takes place and what his family does when they come together for this holiday.

Tune in and share in the celebration!

In the 106th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s topic is the Easter and Passover holidays that we’re celebrating this week. This year Passover began on Tuesday and Easter is Sunday. Stuart and his wife Debbie have an interfaith marriage where they support each other in their respective religious practices and celebrate both Jewish and Christian holidays with each other and their extended family. Listen in as Stuart talks about what an interfaith Passover/Easter celebration looks like at the Fensterheim household.

How special it is that families that come together to celebrate their diverse beliefs, and what a blessing it is to have our elders together with our extended family. We have a wonderful opportunity to take lessons from the past and apply them to today. Not all families are as fortunate. Stuart wants to share what this is like for his family.

“Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in synch like the ice skating pairs you see during the winter Olympics”

Easter and Passover bring the thread of the past into the present. When we observe what our forefathers had to endure and how they persevered and triumphed. We get to celebrate that this strength and dedication and how essential it is to us as a people. Celebrating this in the Jewish faith means that we keep the story alive through the retelling it to our children so they can pass it along to their kids and on through the generations to keep these lessons alive.

What you’ll learn from today’s Podcast:

• Passover and the reason why we eat unleavened bread [3:23]
• Kosher for the Passover Seder [4:20]
• Easter and spring time [7:10]
• The lessons we learn about love in these traditions [8:43]
• Celebrate love [9:35]
• The empty chair and freedom [10:54]
• The questions of the young [12:53]
• Stories and feasting [13:55]

View the full show notes here

What does it mean to have courage to you? We hear stories in the media and from friends and family about people who have done courageous things all the time.

Whether it's a fire fighter entering a burning building to rescue someone trapped on the inside or a teenager that stands up to the high school bully to protect another classmate.. courage comes in many forms.

But, how does courage play a part in our relationship with our partner? Does it take courage to have a genuine truly authentic relationship?

April 5th is Go For Broke Day, so I focused on what that means in a relationship. Going for broke, or going "all-in" means taking a risk and giving all of yourself emotionally to your partner.

We all have things that we aren't too fond of about ourselves, and we may worry about being accepted by our partners. But when we are not being authentic with ourselves and with our partner can we truly have a fulfilling relationship?

And for those of us who take the risk and invest "all-in" in our relationship is that worthy of being considered courageous? I think it is.

In today's video I talk about having courage in a relationship and why it's so important to go "all in" or go for broke with your partner. The reward is well worth the risk when you are with the right person.

In Episode 105 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about going “all in” in our lives and in our relationships with our partners. It's “Go For Broke” week , a fun holiday on April 5th. Tune in to hear how you can go for broke in your relationships.

Going for broke is always fraught with hope and anxiety. You can’t win it all if you don’t go for broke. Do you believe in your relationship enough to go all in and invest everything on your love life? Take a listen here as Stuart talks about what this means in your relationship.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• What you are  risking if you go for broke?  [7:40]
• What if you don’t go all in?  [9:25]
• Why you must go for broke with your partner [10:27]
• What does going for broke look like in your relationship? [11:35]
• Holding back sabotages your future [15:09]

View the complete shownotes here

It seems like a new online dating website springs up every month, and more and more people are comfortable with online dating.

What are the benefits of dating someone you met online? Do people really build strong long lasting committed relationships from online dating? In today's video I talk about online dating and how people who meet online can have a very "connected" relationship.

In episode 104 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s guest is Marisa Cohen; an Assistant Psychology Professor St. Francis College in Brooklyn, New York and the Director of Self Awareness and Bonding Lab. Her work centers on the science of relationships and gender differences. Today’s discussion will be about online dating and finding love online. Listen as Stuart and Marisa delve into this interesting topic.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• How can there be science in relationships? 5:17
• How online dating changes the process of courtship 6:42
• Why the research on successful couples varies 8:55
• How dating algorithms on dating sites help you find your match 10:30
• Some of Stuart’s dating experiences 13:12
• Technology helps us connect with people that we might not otherwise meet 15:48
• Are online first meetings more authentic than first person meetings?  19:04
• There’s an app (and a book)  for that 21:46
• Getting to forever 29:02

Being open and honest when completing your online profile will increase the chances of developing a relationship that will last. Don't misrepresent yourself.

Click here to view the full show notes

The following quote is taken from the book "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

After reading the inspiring words of Marianne Williamson above, ask yourself the following questions:

Do you accept who you are and love being YOU?

or

Do you change your behaviour, adjust your feelings to appease others or to feel validated by someone else?

Whether you like yourself or not, the fact remains there is no where you can go to avoid YOU from tagging along with you. So since you have to take YOU wherever you go, it makes sense to start loving and appreciating YOU for who YOU are.

In today's video I talk about about authenticity, and being authentic in your relationship with your partner.

Living an authentic life with your partner allows you the freedom to be yourself and means you can be secure in the knowledge that you don’t have to hide anything from them. They are going to love you and value you because of (and in spite of) your showing every side of yourself, every wrinkle and wart, and every broken part of you.

Plus the more you are authentic, the more confident you will become. The more you like yourself the more others will like you too, especially your partner.

A key foundational block of your relationship is honesty. Another is trust. How can you be truly honest with your partner if you are living a lie instead of being authentic and living an authentic life?

In episode 103 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s guest is Robina Meehan, an “Emotional Renovator”. Her specialty is connecting with women. She guides women as a facilitator to help them live a more authentic life.

We want to send a huge thank you to Jo Muirhead for referring Robina to the podcast. Stuart and Robina discuss how being who you truly are, is the path to happiness.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• What brought Robina to do this work [11:15]
• Change can come in an instant [13:00]
• Definition of rage [14:25]
• Where the passion for women came from  [21:20]
• Both partners need to be emotional [24:30]
• Many women live in their head not their heart [27:38]
• Sexuality and communicating your needs [29:40]
• Infidelity is not about sex [31:07]
• What people discover in doing work on themselves [33:00]
• The importance of listening [35:02]
• The power of journaling [35:57]
• You have to honor your own boundaries [40:00]

Click here to view the complete shownotes

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart talks about the upcoming St. Patrick's Day holiday and why it's another opportunity to show your partner how important they are to you.

A Brief History of St. Patrick's Day-

St. Patrick's Day is celebrated every year on March 17th. The celebration is to commemorate the death of St. Patrick, the patron Saint of Ireland, who was successful in converting the pagans of Ireland to Christians. What began as an Irish religious festival has become celebration all around the globe with many different festivities and parades. The shamrock and Leprechaun are symbols associated with St. Patrick's Day.

Some more interesting things about St. Patrick's Day:

Each year 5.5 million people visit St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and there are over 450 churces in the U.S. named after St. Patrick. Another interesting thing to note is whether you're Irish or not nearly 122 million Americans say they celebrate St. Patrick's day each year! That's 39% of the population of the entire country!

Common Ways People Celebrate St. Patrick's Day:

You probably have noticed that the color green is associated with the holiday and 83% of people who celebrate the holiday will wear something green. Some folks make a special dinner, attend a party, or decorate their homes with St. Patrick's Day decorations.

The title of today's video, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" is related to St. Patrick's Day too. It's a reference to the famous Blarney Stone found in Ireland. It is said that anyone who kisses the stone is blessed with being eloquent. So pucker up!

St. Patrick's day is really a fun holiday and couples should take the time to enjoy it, enjoy each other, and have some fun.

In Episode 102 of The Couples Expert Podcast is our Happy St. Patrick’s Day episode. We’re not always talking about weighty and somber issues. This week we’re going to have some fun and celebrate a uniquely American Irish holiday.

I love this St. Patty’s Day quote that says “A Best Friend is like a 4 leaf clover~ Hard to find and lucky to have” Unknown. How wonderful when your partner is your best friend. You are indeed lucky. You need to cultivate that friendship. There’s more to love than chemistry or physical attraction. Making a long-term relationship work requires your commitment to being a best friend to your partner every day.

What you’ll get from today’s podcast:

• Is your partner your best friend?  at 3:00
• Why you should celebrate together at 7:30
• Can St.Patrick’s Day add some fun to your love life? at 10:30
• Some St. Patrick’s day trivia  at 12:38
• Commit to connecting with loved ones 17:50

Click here to view the complete show notes

In episode 101 of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about a subject that impacts many families and relationships; prescription drug addiction. It’s not a pleasant issue, but one that Stuart feels very strongly about. He has helped many couples overcome and repair the damage to their relationships caused by addiction.  Stuart discusses this problem and some solutions.

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” – Robert Collier

This quote applies to recovery, repairing your relationship (making amends in the 12 step program) , and getting through your day without using drugs. You have to do it as they say, “One day at a time” , but sometimes you have to do it one hour , one minute, and one moment at a time If you can get through this moment and the next , you will eventually have hours, days, weeks and months of success.

In today’s Podcast you’ll learn:

• It’s never too late to start over [5:45]
• Addiction to prescription is not different from any other addiction [7:08]
• How addiction begins [8:44]
• Behavior of an addict [12:15]
• Treatment is available [15:30]
• Partners need to stay involved [19:16]
• Chronic Pain Sufferers are at risk [21:23]

Stuart hosts a weekend couples workshop monthly called Two Days, Seven Conversations – based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s Book Hold Me Tight®.  Register now for March and April weekends.  These workshops always fill up fast. Click the link here to register for your spot in an upcoming weekend. http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Click here to view the complete show notes.

In this three Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart talks about the last year and half experience being the host of The Couples Expert Podcast. He also shares plans for the future for the show, introduces Stuart's Daily Notes and more.

In the 100th episode of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart does something a little different for this milestone podcast. He has invited a guest from the listening community to interview him and share the broadcast.  

Stuart’s guest on the show is Virginia Curtis, an equine professional who works in equine- assisted psychotherapy and learning, and is also on the Board of Directors for Project Spirit Equine Rescue and Rehab, a horse rescue in southern Oregon.

What you’ll hear today: 

• How Stuart got started as a podcaster
• Where he sources his themes and topics
• Stuart’s favorite episodes from the past 100
• His most embarrassing moments
• High profile guests from past shows
• What motivates him every week to do this podcast (It might surprise you)

You Make the Difference

Stuart mentions Episodes 88 and 93 as recent shows that really stand out as important to him. He also did a series on infidelity that he feels is very important to his listeners.  

Click here to view the complete show notes online

Tune in as I talk about how kindness plays a role in being a good wife. I plan on doing another video about being a good husband in the future.

Let's face it. Men make mistakes. None of us are perfect, but when you are married..and this is why I appreciate my wife Debbie so much.. kindness after we men make a mistake plays a huge rule in keeping the emotional connection.

It can be easy to become frustrated with you partner, but being kind is a big part of showing love, appreciation and that you care. It also shows that you accept your partner even though they have made a mistake. Most people don't take it too well when someone reminds them of a mistake they made in an unkind way. This can be even more unsettling and even hurtful when it's done by the one person in the world that you expect to have your back and be there for you.

Some things that you can do as a wife to be kind to your husband is be quiet. Sometimes being quiet and listening without being critical is all that is needed or desired from your husband. Try to be empathetic and understanding.

When you see that your husband didn't have the best day a random act of kindness like preparing his favorite meal, or doing a chore that is normally his will have added effect. There are so many little kind gestures that you can do, as a wife, to show love to your husband.

Episode 99 of The Couples Expert Podcast is all about love and kindness, because that’s what we’re all about here at The Couples Experts. First we have Valentine’s Day (Podcast 98), and then this episode for Random Acts of Kindness Week. 

Random Acts of Kindness Week

In This podcast Stuart talks about showing kindness to your partner, not just one week in February, but all throughout the year, and how being kind to not only your partner, but everyone you meet can absolutely change your life for the better.

It seems like our world has become harder and colder in recent times. Let’s bring some kindness back into our everyday interactions with the people we love, and those we meet along the way! Never underestimate the power of a small act of kindness when it’s given unexpectedly. Our hope is that after you listen to Stuart today, you’ll commit to being a part of this kindness movement to make everything a little bit nicer.  

“Act from kindness but don’t expect gratitude” ~ Confucius

What you’ll learn from today’s episode: 

• Kindness should be cultivated at 7:30
• Kindness to others can make your day at 9:00
• How one city “pays it forward” at 10:27
• What kind of RAOK can you do for your partner at 12:00
• Small things can end up being the big things at 15:30
• Kindness is transformative at 17:32
• A challenge from Stuart at 19:39
• RAOK you can do as a couple 21:09

View the complete show notes here

Tune in and listen as Stuart talks about Random Acts of Kindness and a recent experience that his wife Debbie had while she was purchasing coffee, and how the act of kindness from one person effected everyone that was in the cafe in such a positive way.

Being kind, even in small ways, can have a huge impact on someone's day. It will even have an impact on how you feel and your day.

Episode 98 of The Couples Expert Episode is all about love, connections and Valentine's Day. Stuart talks about having a special Valentine’s Day that sends the right message. We all want to have the most close and connected relationship and be the best partner we can be for each other. Listen as Stuart talks about ways to have the best Valentine’s Day with the one you love. 

Celebrate your love on Valentine’s Day and every single day.

Quote: All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. Charles M. Schulz

That’s because chocolate makes you feel like you’re in love. I will never understand people who say they don’t like chocolate. Chocolate makes a perfect Valentine’s Day gift because that sweetness makes us think of our loved one even after Valentine’s Day is over. 

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: 

• We need Valentine’s Day as an excuse to focus on celebrating our relationship. 
• Valentine’s Day is about romance. 
• Stuart has been leaving gifts for Debbie in her car throughout the week counting down to Valentine’s Day and how she has reacted. 
• Even if you’re not romantic, you can learn how to romance your partner by paying attention. 
• How kindness changes our perception of our partner and how being a kind person is one of the best things you can be.
• What makes Stuart feel like a knight in shining armor? 
• What it means to have a close connected Valentine’s Day and how to choose the right gift for your partner. 
• How you can choose gifts that have the right meaning and intention behind the giving. 
• It’s ok to be corny and romantic on Valentine’s Day. 

It’s not enough to buy just material gifts for your partner. Gifts should also be symbolic of the depth of feeling that you have for each other. You want your partner to know that their happiness matters to you and the gift you choose is representative of that feeling. 

Click here to read the complete show notes.

In episode 97 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart and Risa Ganel talk about physical and emotional health and how it relates to your relationship. Risa Ganel is a marriage and family therapist who practices in Columbia, MD. Listen as she and Stuart talk about physical and psychological health and the impact on love and relationships. 

What you’ll learn from today’s broadcast:

• Having a stable family background doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t have relationship problems at 6:00
• The Leukemia/Lymphoma Society trains people to run and cycle for fundraising with “Team in Training “ at 7:35
• Depression and anxiety can be directly linked to physical fitness 9:50
• Physical activity is a great anti-depressant at 10:41
• How physical fitness affects your relationship at 18:00
• How physical work figures into couples therapy 21:21
• Your partner may decide not to participate at 22:42

It’s amazing how physical fitness, physical health and feeling fit can affect you and your partner both. While it’s wonderful if you and your partner both can participate, it’s okay if only one partner is doing the work. It may or may not motivate your partner to get involved. What’s important is that you do it for you, so that you can be healthy and feel great. Of course you love your partner and want them to look and feel at their best so that you can have a long and healthy life together. Remember, working out isn’t about how you look, although that will change for the better as you make progress, it’s about feeling good and being healthy for a long and happy lifetime together.

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In this extended episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart talks about the importance of being healthy and staying fit as a couple. Besides improved overall health which leads to less stress, sleeping better, and living longer, when you're healthy you're a better you which makes you a better partner in your marriage.

You might have made a New Year’s resolutions together as a couple to be healthier this year, and maybe you've already lost momentum. That doesn't mean you can't pick back up and achieve your goals.

It feels great to get out and move, especially after this long, cold winter that many of you have experienced. With spring just around the corner, it’s a great time to make some plans around how you and your partner can find some fun ways to stay fit together.

View the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw4CfIsod_Y

In Episode 96 of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart discusses relationship issues and a little bit of history of the evolution of same sex relationships and acceptance of them in our society. 

Today’s show is “Love is Love”. One of the things that Stuart has found in his work as a couples expert is that same sex couples struggle with many of the same relationship challenges as straight couples do. There are also some unique problems and issues that gay marriages face that don’t affect their straight counterparts. Can gay couples find true love? Can they have happy marriages? Stuart answers these questions and more today on the podcast. 

Quote: Marriage should be between a spouse and a spouse, not a gender and a gender.

—Hendrik Hertzberg

We love who we love. There’s attraction, there’s chemistry and there’s all those things that draw you to an individual. Sometimes it’s a surprise when you find that the person you’ve fallen for is the same gender as you. For some it’s understood that they’ve always and only been attracted to the same gender. For others, gender has no bearing on it. Society likes to label these people as LGBTQ and so on. Beyond all the labels you’re really just in love. It’s a person not a gender, not a label. Love is love.  

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In the 95th Episode of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about ways to take your good relationship and make it truly great relationship. The truth is, greatness resides in all of us; you merely need to know how to tap into it and bring it out. Each relationship has room for improvement, and if you listen today, you will learn that even if you think your relationship is going fine, it’s good, you can make it even better. Shoot for the stars!

Quote:” When someone else’s happiness is your happiness that is love.”

When you’re in a great relationship, you and your partner are so in synch, so close and connected that you are each other’s happiness. All of the love and emotion that you feel is linked to your partner. If they’re sad, you feel it. You share both joy and sorrow together.  All the negative and positive emotions are felt by both of you and your main purpose in life is to make each other happy. Your relationship will take priority over anything else that’s happening and your mission in life is to have that relationship with your partner where you feel connected, close, and important.

Tune in to Episode 95, Turning A Good Relationship Into A Great Relationship.

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Tune in to the 94th Episode of the Couples Expert Podcast! In this episode Stuart and his special guest talk about the latest innovations in research and information on love and relationships. This podcast is all about some newer therapeutic tools and techniques that are being used to help individuals and couples. Especially those who have had trauma or suffering in their past.

 “Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” – Gary Zukav

When it comes to healing, no matter what you’re healing from love is the answer.

Because wiith love, everything is easier, you don’t feel alone, and you can trust the one you love to support you and be there for you and help you as you heal. Sometimes it’s the mere presence of the one you love that makes you feel secure and safe. The love that you and your partner share helps you to heal from past hurts and allows you to look ahead towards the future.

Stuarts guest on the show this week is Jackie Leger, LPC. Jackie recently joined the Couples Experts as part of the clinical staff. She specializes in EMDR therapy. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This therapy model is being used extensively for trauma and PTSD sufferers with excellent results. This is used in conjunction with traditional talk therapy with great success.

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In this episode of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart will talk about someone he greatly admires, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dr. King’s life and message was all about love, peace and affecting change without violence. These are attributes that are definitely still needed in the world today. Stuart talks about some of the lessons he learned about love from Dr. King

Stuart discusses some of the lessons he learned about love from Dr. King. Whether you remember Dr. King, and the incredible impact he had on this country during the era of the Civil Rights Movement, or not; even if you’re in the generations that have grown up since his untimely death in 1968, his influence and his great words still echo down through history. Love is the answer.

What you will learn today:

• How authenticity is needed in our relationships at 12:05
• What to do when you are triggered or argue 14:30
• Why you should fight for connection 15:28
• What having a peaceful home can do for you 17:50
• What a dream for your life can be 20:06

The takeaway from the message of Martin Luther King, Jr. is that love in action is the most powerful force in the Universe. That hate meeting hate, anger and violence meeting anger and violence only creates more of the same. What we need is to put love in action in our everyday lives, with our partners and our family and friends.

Quote:  “Wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows.” MLK

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In this episode of The Couples Experts podcast, Stuart welcomes Couples Expert Kelsey Blythe to discuss issues surrounding being prepared for marriage and setting yourselves up for a lifetime together in a happy and successful marriage. Kelsey is new to the Couples Expert staff, and has been a warm and wonderful addition to the team. She is running the premarital program at the Couples Experts and we’re very happy to have her on board. Kelsey herself has recently gotten engaged to be married so she will be speaking on a personal as well as professional level on the topic of premarital counseling. Take a listen!

In this episode you will learn:  

• Why working on and maintaining your relationship is vitally important at  9:50
• How you can be proactive about problems at 13:40
• Premarital counseling helps couples do more than work out details about the marriage, it helps them decide about their commitment at 17:30
• A custom program for couples that contains EFT(Emotionally Focused Therapies) focuses less on  content than the connection between the couples at 19:30
• What a premarital counseling session is like at 22:00
• Why having a counselor as a resource throughout the marriage is helpful  25:57

Premarital counseling can help couples to prepare for their marriage by opening up discussion on topics ranging from finances to family planning. Couples learn how to communicate on a deeper level and are prepared to navigate the bumps in the road that inevitably come during marriage.

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