Hi, and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 160 of our show. Thank you for listening today as Stuart welcomes guest Jim Thomas back to the show. They will be discussing social media and some of the pitfalls of getting connected through the Internet and the impact of that on your life and relationships. Listen in as Stuart and Jim discuss this very important and timely subject.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• Tech advances allow access for everyone, worldwide even those people in remote places 4:34
• Being conscious of where you go online and how it impacts you, feeds or frustrates you can make all the difference 8:41
• How we influence each other and ourselves online? 11:25
• How the intensity of what we’re bombarded with reminds us how fragile we are as humans 16:15
• When everything is on Facebook nothing is private! 17:42
• When phones are present we lose our ability to empathize and communicate in real time by 40%  22:48
• The power of balance in using devices 28:36

Use those devices to build connection. Check and inventory your usage on a regular basis so that you know how far into the habit you are getting. You need to be aware of the place these devices have in your life. How often do you check your phone? Do you have it with you always?  

Pain or loneliness of isolation comes from you and your partner spending too much time on your devices, instead of connecting in the real world.

Curiosity can lead into infidelity easily because you’re getting a connection that you’re craving and you may not be receiving from your partner. You can get close to someone before you know it. Online affairs happen that quickly. The flirtation you have with someone, even if you intend no harm is a big deal in your marriage. You can get so heavily involved and really sucked into virtual connections.

If you feel that your partner is too distracted by devices, you can speak up and ask your partner to put that device down and connect directly with you and avoid the possibilities of reaching out to the wrong person.

It’s just too easy to get online, get distracted and excited in a way that leads to a habit. We all need to be aware and cautious about it. Try a cellphone free evening or a day of the week that you connect face to face without your phone and devices. Make it important in your life to have these REAL emotional connections with the people you love and avoid the pitfalls of inappropriate virtual connections.

Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Stuart loves to hear from you!

We’d like to thank you for joining us and Jim Thomas for being our guest on The Couples Expert.  Learn more about his work at www.jimthomas.care

Please join us next week when Stuart will talk about the need for total investment in your relationship with I’m One Foot out the Door, and how do we fix it?

Thank you for spending part of your day with us here at The Couples Expert Podcast. Stay Connected.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by:  Before You Tie the Knot, 12 Essential Conversations for newlyweds to have. This is an online course with support and direction from The Couples Expert. This course makes a great shower or wedding gift. Learn More: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/12-conversations/

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 159 of our show. This week’s topic is the Power of Love.  Do happy endings happen?  Is there such a thing as happily ever after? It can sound a bit trite, but as Stuart will discuss, love is one of the most powerful forces in our lives. When we’re in the right place emotionally and in the right relationship with our partner, that love can be unstoppable!

Listen in as Stuart shares about real experiences that show that true love can win just like in the storybooks.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• You can have it all together but you both have to want it and work for it 1:02
• The emotional bond you have together gives you as a couple the confidence to conquer anything life throws your way 2:39
• The connection between you is what’s important  3:46
• The story of Stuart’s personal crisis and triumph 5:15
• Why some couples pull apart and others pull together 6:49
• It’s the little things you say and do every day cementing your bond 8:15
• It’s not always easy to obtain, you have to put in the work it takes 11:20

You and your partner need to understand each other’s communication style and emotional needs. You know when they’re triggered and what they need from you when that happens. It’s not automatic. You both need to work on this daily to show each other in the small ways who important and valued you are. You both are authentic, vulnerable and raw together. When it really counts, when things are bad, that’s when the rubber meets the road and you can show that you HAVE done the work. You will be there for each other, team up and meet any crisis or struggle as a united partnership. Crisis doesn’t have to pull you apart. When you’ve cemented your bond together and you feel secure, a crisis can make you even stronger on the other side.

You need to talk about everything, never give a cold shoulder or a silent treatment. Find out where you and your partner need work and start today by showing appreciation, respect. Dedicate yourself to strengthening your connection. Have date nights and adventures together. Spend time together and share activities that you enjoy. Don’t turn down opportunities to spend time sharing experiences that will strengthen your bond. Explore ways that you can know each other better and learn more about how to connect on a deeper level. Find out what your partner needs to feel loved and more important in your life. Do those things.  Take the first step now, today. Make your relationship a priority today. Make that important commitment to yourself and to your partner today.

Thank you for joining us today!

Listen next week as Stuart tackles the subject of financial infidelity.

Email Stuart at: podcast@thecouplesexpert.com

Sponsored by Stuart’s Daily notes. Daily relationship mentoring for couples. Subscribe here : http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 158 of our show. This week’s podcast is so much fun. Stuart’s guest is author Amy Lyle. While Amy is not a couple’s expert, she brings a fresh take to our podcast with her Book of Failures and her unique and humorous perspective on love and relationships.

Amy was restless in her stay at home mom role so she took a job with a non-profit and began writing. A self-described “Domestic Disaster”, her new book talks about how everything has a humorous side and your attitude is what matters. Her experience as a mom and wife gives her a layperson’s take on love and relationships.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• Amy’s background and what prompted her to write her book 5:30
• How we define failure 11:45
• Where you find the humor 15:26
• Our kids are embarrassing 23:26
• Humor is therapy 33:18

Stories make us feel better help us relate, and the more embarrassing it is, the more people can relate. If we’re going to present ourselves as authentic in our personal and professional lives, we can use our embarrassing moments as a way of being grounded and humble. Don’t be afraid to be who you are!

How to get Amy’s book at Amazon.com : https://www.amazon.com/Amy-Binegar-Kimmes-Lyle-Book-Failures-inadequacies-ebook/dp/B072J3327X/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

The Failures of My Friends is the next project Amy is working on and she would love to hear your biggest failure. You can send it to her, and maybe it will be included in the next book.

Amy’s Website: www.amylyle.me

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amy.lyle.56

and Twitter: @amylyle

You can subscribe to The Couples Expert on itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexpert.com

The Couples Expert Is Sponsored By: 2 Days and 7 Conversations, Hold Me Tight workshop. This couples weekend can change your relationship for the better in just 2 days.  Learn more here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Next Week: Next week Stuart will be talking about the power of love in overcoming emotional pain and how having a strong emotional connection with your partner allows you to face any challenge together.

Until next time, keep finding the funny in your lives and stay connected.

Hi, welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast. This is episode 157 of our show. Thanks for joining us. Listen today as Stuart talks about the challenges that couples face when there’s a large age difference between them. Love happens when we least expect it and sometimes you fall in love with someone who is much older or younger than you are. Love happens!

Stuart tells about a couple who contacted him after he had stopped seeing in counseling. They reached out to him to ask him to officiate in their wedding ceremony. Stuart is an ordained minister in addition to being an LCSW and was honored to receive this request. The couple had struggled with commitment issues and had stopped coming to counseling and he was so gratified and happy to hear that they were now engaged to be married. That’s some great feedback for a couple’s counselor! It means that the couple has taken what they learned in counseling kept working on it, and applied it to the real world situations of their relationship so successfully that now they want to make their union official!

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• We love whom we love, they don’t always meet our expectations 6:57
• Sometimes there might be one or two generations between partners 9:23
• Social norms about marriage have changed in the past decades 10:22
• What couples with an age gap have to contend with in the present and future 11:07
• You need to share things as a couple and what do you have in common to share? 15:15
• There’s a risk that the relationship takes on a parental tone when one is much younger 17:00
• Some of the ways to cope with this gap are through openness, acceptance and strong communications regarding issues of your differences; and finding your commonalities.  17:34

You have to discuss everything that has to do with the future. The length of time you’ll be together and plan for healthcare, end of life care, financial issues, family and children. Avoid the excuse and pitfall of attributing all your troubles to the age difference. It’s simply stuff that couples all have to deal with so you can’t blame it on age.

What’s important is to find that one person in the world for you and if they happen to be much older or younger, so be it. You’ll have some hurdles and obstacles that other couples might not, but if you’re fortunate enough to have that great love , isn’t it worth it? I think it is!

The Couples Expert podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes is relationship mentoring via email. 5 minutes a day can improve your connection. Subscribe here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Next Week on the Couples Expert:  Stuart’s guest will be Amy Lyle. Her Book of Failures is a funny and relatable read. Listen as they talk about relationship fails. It’s going to be a fun show. We hope you’ll join us.

Until then, remember, age is just a number; it’s the person who matters. Stay Connected!