The Couples Expert

Hello and welcome to this encore presentation of The Couples Expert. This is episode 177 of our show. This podcast originally aired in January of 2017.  

Today Stuart discusses how couples should go about preparing for marriage. If you’re in a love relationship with your partner and you’re planning a wedding, or if you have friends and family that are going to be married, this podcast is for you. Marriage is big step, and The Couples Expert is here to help you set off on the right path to a successful and happy married life.

Stuart welcomes guest and colleague Kelsey Blythe who had joined The Couples Expert staff at the time of this podcast to discuss premarital counseling and issues surrounding getting ready for marriage.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • Working on maintaining your relationship is vitally important to a happy marriage 9:50
  • Premarital counseling gives you a roadmap to marriage and commitment  17:30
  • Emotionally Focused Therapy as the basis for premarital counseling strengthens your connection  19:30
  • Having a counselor as a resource in your married life gives you a safety net to solve problems when they come up  25:55

Premarital counseling is a wonderful tool to help prepare couples for married life. You may not know how to bring up difficult subjects, how to approach topics that may be problematic in the future if you don’t address them before you tie the knot.

Doing the deep couples work in the beginning of your marriage will help the two of you to be connected and confident that together you can face anything that life may throw your way. Problems and challenges will come, it’s just a part of life; having a strong foundation in trust and communication will help you to be prepared and to be strongly united to face these challenges as a team. Knowing you have one another to depend on allows you the confidence to face anything together without it threatening to tear you apart.

Our thanks go out to Kelsey Blythe for joining us on The Couples Expert podcast. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to spend with our podcast.

Email Stuart with your comments and suggestions here : podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Join us again next week when Stuart returns with a new episode of The Couples Expert. He’ll be discussing the impact of retirement on long term relationships. How will you handle your retirement years? Are you ready for that?  We hope you’ll join us.

Until then, be prepared, and stay connected!

 

Direct download: 177-Relationship_Advice-Preparing_for_Marriage-Encore.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:21pm PDT
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Welcome to our encore presentation of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This episode originally aired in March of 2017.

This is episode 176 of our show. Stuart’s guest on the show is Marisa Cohen, A professor at St. Francis College in Brooklyn, NY and the Director of the Self-awareness and Bonding Lab. Marisa is an expert in gender differences and science of relationships. Stuart and Marisa will be discussing how online dating impacts couples and what is the possibility that online dating can lead to marriage?

Thanks for tuning into The Couples Expert Podcast!

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • Why Marisa changed her focus to relationships in school [3:49]
  • Attachment theory IS science- based [5:27]
  • How online dating impacts relationships and marriage [6:43]
  • What men and women lie about on online dating sites [11:45]
  • Online dating sites gives socially awkward people a chance to meet people [14:09]
  • People can feel free to be more authentic when communicating online [19:38]
  • Marisa’s book and work in the lab on the science of relationships [21:40]

Understanding yourself is crucial to finding a partner you’re compatible with. Opposites don’t really attract, so who does? Marisa’s app covers the questions you need to be asking a potential partner when you’re in the “getting to know you“ phase of the relationship. These are questions about money, pets, religion, etc. The deep stuff that is going to tell you if this is truly someone you want to pursue a relationship with. Getting to forever is about how you communicate with each other.

We want to thank Marisa Cohen for being on the show and for the work she’s doing in New York.  We’d also like to thank you for taking part of your day to spend with The Couples Expert.

Giveaway: Chapter of the book From First Kiss to Forever giveaway from Marisa Cohen for all the listeners.

Stay tuned next week for another encore performance of the podcast while Stuart enjoys his much-needed and well-deserved vacation.

Until then, stay connected

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Direct download: 176-Can_Online_Dating_Lead_to_Marriage_with_guest_Marisa_Cohen_-_Encore.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:37am PDT
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This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in May of 2015 so please ignore the contest and the Mother’s Day greetings.  

Hello and welcome to this encore presentation of The Couples Expert Podcast with your host , Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Listen in as Stuart talks about emotional affairs and the impact of these on your love relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • Emotional infidelity can be a bigger violation than having sex with another person outside your relationship   [5:18]
  • Definition of an emotional affair [12:04]
  • When Harry Met Sally “Just going to be friends” [15:05]
  • We all crave an emotional connection [16:43]
  • When you click with someone who’s not your partner [18:15]
  • There are boundaries at work when you’re married  [25:13]
  • How we stop the affair and what comes next [31:25]
  • There are consequences for breaking your vows [33:25]

The affair has to stop, no question. You have to break off contact with that person. You can no longer spend time with them outside of a professional relationship. Understand that your partner is going to be angry and hurt and show empathy for how they’re feeling. You have to communicate with your partner about the tough issues. You both have to bare your souls to one another and show your partner what you need to feel secure and safe in the relationship once again. Whatever emotional needs were being satisfied by your affair have to be discussed and you both have to work towards meeting those needs for each other within the context of your relationship.

Don’t ask about sexual contact between your partner and that person. Your partner has been calling this an emotional relationship, not a sexual one, so you have to believe that is the truth.

Put a time limit on the amount of discussion you have about the affair. Avoid talking about it when you’re overtired and upset. Things may be said that you’ll regret. It’s hard to forgive and nearly impossible to forget. There’s work to be done on the part of both parties: hard work, unpleasant work, but if you both understand that what you’re working for is the future of your relationship and the emotional connection that was missing, you’ll work harder than you’ve ever done before.

There’s a guide to a true apology available to listeners.

Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day with The Couples Expert. Stay tuned for another encore presentation of our podcast next week. Until then, stay connected!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Direct download: 175_-_Secrets_and_Lies_-_Is_There_A_Way_Back_-_Encore_.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:58pm PDT
Comments[0]

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in May of 2015 so please ignore the contest and the Mother’s Day greetings.  

Hello and welcome to this encore presentation of The Couples Expert Podcast with your host , Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Listen in as Stuart talks about emotional affairs and the impact of these on your love relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

  • Emotional infidelity can be a bigger violation than having sex with another person outside your relationship   [5:18]
  • Definition of an emotional affair [12:04]
  • When Harry Met Sally “Just going to be friends” [15:05]
  • We all crave an emotional connection [16:43]
  • When you click with someone who’s not your partner [18:15]
  • There are boundaries at work when you’re married  [25:13]
  • How we stop the affair and what comes next [31:25]
  • There are consequences for breaking your vows [33:25]

The affair has to stop, no question. You have to break off contact with that person. You can no longer spend time with them outside of a professional relationship. Understand that your partner is going to be angry and hurt and show empathy for how they’re feeling. You have to communicate with your partner about the tough issues. You both have to bare your souls to one another and show your partner what you need to feel secure and safe in the relationship once again. Whatever emotional needs were being satisfied by your affair have to be discussed and you both have to work towards meeting those needs for each other within the context of your relationship.

Don’t ask about sexual contact between your partner and that person. Your partner has been calling this an emotional relationship, not a sexual one, so you have to believe that is the truth.

Put a time limit on the amount of discussion you have about the affair. Avoid talking about it when you’re overtired and upset. Things may be said that you’ll regret. It’s hard to forgive and nearly impossible to forget. There’s work to be done on the part of both parties: hard work, unpleasant work, but if you both understand that what you’re working for is the future of your relationship and the emotional connection that was missing, you’ll work harder than you’ve ever done before.

There’s a guide to a true apology available to listeners.

Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day with The Couples Expert. Stay tuned for another encore presentation of our podcast next week. Until then, stay connected!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Direct download: 175_-_Secrets_and_Lies_-_Is_There_A_Way_Back_-_Encore_.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:57pm PDT
Comments[0]

Welcome to our encore presentation of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This episode originally aired in September of 2016.

This is episode 174 of our show. Stuart’s guest today is Alicia Taverner. Alicia is a MFT therapist in CA working with people on trust issues and helping women find the calm within the storms in their lives. Alicia and Stuart are discussing infidelity from a female perspective. Thanks for listening.

Stuart talks a bit about his passion for the work that he does and gives a run down on his past occupations and how he ended up as The Couples Expert.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

  • Introduction to Alicia and how she became a therapist 7:31
  • You can’t go back after an affair, you must start over 11:05
  • The differences Stuart has with an attachment theory approach 15:35
  • Therapy digs deeper to a place of vulnerability 19:25
  • How can you know infidelity won’t happen again? 22:30
  • Affairs are not simply sexual 24:03
  • Where the apology comes in  30:35
  • That moment where the couple believes they can go on together 34:32

Doing therapy work (done the right way) causes personal growth on the part of the therapist. It’s wonderful to know that our counselors can grow in empathy and caring through the work they do with others.

Thank you again to Alicia Taverner for this great interview. Thank you to all the listeners who took time out of your day to listen to The Couples Expert. Tune in next week for another great encore presentation of The Couples Expert. Until then, stay connected!

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