Encore episode is about living and loving in middle age. Stuart answers some burning questions you may have about life after 60. Is it all downhill from here? Listen in as Stuart addresses the concerns that many of you have about love and aging.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 146 of our show. We’re so happy that you’re here with us for the show. Today Stuart is discussing an all too common scenario for couples: When two people in a committed relationship end up living like roommates instead of lovers.  Listen in while Stuart addresses this familiar problem.

Stuart often talks about the significance of 6 years. That’s the average amount of time that couples live with their problems before they seek help from a relationship counselor. Those 6 years can be a time of strife and conflict; or it can be a time of reducing your relationship to living as roommates. This is a terrible feeling either way. Feeling alone is so painful.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• The pain of having roommates [2:25]

• It’s painful to live without connection  [4:00]

• It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together [8:20]

• Hallway sex- Where’s the passion? [9:04]

• Why you need to keep passion a priority [10:40]

• How to keep it interesting; keep your partner in mind  [12:12]

• No one wants a roommate when they can have a great love   [22:25]

If you’re living separate lives, you aren’t working on your relationship. In order to keep the passion and the love alive, you must make your relationship the priority. Spend time together, have adventures and make memories.  It’s all about the connection and keeping that passion for your life together.  Keeping that emotional connection is the only way to keep your relationship from deteriorating into roommate status.

We cannot assume our partner knows how important they are to us. We have to never take them for granted, and to always let them know that they are the most important person in life to us. Invest your time and care into your relationship. Surprise your partner, send them gifts, show them that you’re thinking of them. Court them, keep the romance alive. In order to avoid the roommate feeling you have to keep the passion alive.

Take your partner and get away a couple of times a year. Date nights once a month, or more often as possible. These things are crucial to avoiding the roommate issue. It doesn’t matter how busy you are, you can find the time if it’s important to you. Don’t make excuses, don’t cop out. This is important. Treat your relationship with the care and concern it deserves. Be kind and sweet to one another and keep your emotional connection strong. It takes commitment on both your parts. It’s not always easy, but it’s so worth it.

Subscribe: You can subscribe to The Couples Expert Podcast on iTunes. Stuart would love it if you’d write a review or suggest a future topic. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

The Couples Expert Wants To Hear From You!

Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Relationship check ups are important! Find one here: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up

Thank you for spending part of your day with us. Until next time, stay connected!

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim The Couples Expert. Stuart is going to speak today about what it means to be a good partner in your relationship. About ways to assess if you’re being a good partner, and if your partner is being good to you. After all, it takes both of you contributing to the relationship in equal measure in order for you to have a true partnership where you both feel loved and important. 

Stuart talks about the life of his Mother in Law Lolita who passed away last week. Stuart always felt included and loved and was brought quickly into the family when he and Debbie married. She and her husband were married for 64 years. Stuart is dedicating this podcast to her memory.

We know there’s no perfect marriage. Every couple creates their own love story.What needs to be there is a passion for making your partner happy and for being the perfect partner for them. You see your partner’s happiness is as important (or more so) than your own.  Today Stuart will have you take a look at your own relationship, and what kind of partner you are in your own love story. Are you the right partner in your relationship? Let’s take a look.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• The best partners make the relationship a top priority in their lives  [7:35]
• Respect and consideration (sensitivity) for your partner’s feelings is more important that getting your way or winning an argument  [8:39]
• Do you spend your time effort and energy on your relationship? What about romance and emotional connection? [11:58]
• The best partners let small issues go. Do you hold onto resentments and keep score? [14:24]
• What would conflict look like for you and your partner? [16:22]
• Why controlling your emotions is needed instead of getting angry, bringing up the past, threatening to divorce, or escalating an issue [18:24]
• Why you need to be a good listener. Are you hearing what your partner is trying to tell you ? [25:09]
• A good partner shares in and is supportive of what their partner is interested in [28:57]
• A good partner is affectionate and makes sure their partner’s needs for touch and sexuality are taken care of [31:00]

All of these ingredients are here for each of you to evaluate your relationship and yourself as a partner. Would you give yourself a high score, or are you seeing some things you need to work on?

Take the Are you a good partner quiz!

Take the test for yourself and one for your partner. Then you both need to have a conversation about what it is about your relationship that can be improved. Don’t be critical, but be positive in learning that you can dedicate yourselves to improving the kind of partner you are to one another.

Thank you for joining us on The Couples Expert podcast. We’re glad you’re here. Come back next week for another episode with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert.

Until then, be a good partner, and stay connected!

Sponsored by Stuarts daily notes: If you could improve your relationship in just 5 minutes a day, would you? I think you would. Stuart is offering his Stuart’s Daily Notes to subscribers to give you real tips and sound advice on being the best partners you can be. Learn more and subscribe here:  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe: You can subscribe to The Couples Expert Podcast on iTunes. Stuart would love it if you’d write a review or suggest a future topic. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

The Couples Expert Wants To Hear From You!

Email: You can email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com and tell him about your relationship, ask questions or suggest a guest or future topic for the show. Stuart reads and responds to each and every email.

Thank you so much for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. We hope today’s show has been helpful and meaningful to you. Until next time, stay positive, and stay connected.