In today's episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart talks about renewing wedding vow, and shares wedding vows that he wrote for his wife Debbie.

After being married to someone for several years we learn that the love we had in the beginning of our marriage is not the same as the type of love that develops from being married to someone for through life's challenges over the course of many years.

Typically, the love you have for your partner has grown deeper, and your bond should be stronger. That's why one of the most beautiful and rewarding moments a couple can have, especially if they have successfully completed counseling, is to renew their commitment to one another. This can be expressed by renewing your wedding vows.

Renewing your wedding vows is a beautiful and symbolic way to announce to the world that you STILL feel optimistic and joyful about their future together, and that you are still in love with your partner and wouldn't want to be in this world, going through life's ups and downs with anyone else.

In episode 111 Stuart talks about a goal he sets for couples who come to his practice which is the renewing of their vows or a recommitment ceremony. Please listen as Stuart gives some insight and some great ideas for ways that couples can make their vow renewal a fantastic experience for all involved. 

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast: 

• Transformation happens after a relationship injury is repaired at 3:03 

• The reasons to renew your vows at 6:07 

• Stuart is ordained to officiate when you renew your vows at 9:57 

• Rituals and symbols that can be meaningful to you both at 12:20 

• Who and what you can include in the ceremony and vows at 14:15

Click here to view the complete show notes.

Mother's Day is right around the corner and as we prepare to celebrate the woman in our lives that raised us, or our wives and grandmothers, we thought it important to acknowledge the women who are in the role of mother for children who are not biologically theirs.

In today's 3 Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart shares a little about his family upbringing in a blended family. He also talks about his wife Debbie, who is not the mother of his two children from a previous relationship.

He asks the question: Which Mother is A Priority on Mother's Day?

The answer to that question is BOTH.

Though the stepmother is easily overlooked, she should be celebrated just as much as the natural mother of a child. Yes, the biological mother birthed the children and still plays an active role in the child's life (in most situations), however, stepmothers sign up for a package deal. Just like stepfathers do.

They walk into a situation knowing that there are children involved that are not theirs, and take on some level of responsibility for the child(ren). That should be recognized by husbands, the children, and even the biological mother.

This Mother's Day, if you are apart of a blended family, be sure to emphasize the importance of celebrating BOTH mothers. It's a touchy subject in lots of families, but the fact still remains stepmother's are mother's too.

Episode 110 of The Couples Expert Podcast is all about appreciating all the special women in our lives, but particularly our mothers and the mothers of our children. 

Listen as Stuart recounts his growing up in a blended family and the lessons he learned about the importance of his Mother and her role in the family. He also had a Stepmother whom he loved and was very influential in his life. He talks about ways to honor the important women in your life this Mother’s Day, (Sunday, May 14th).                                                            

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Moms deserve your encouragement every day at 3:00
• It helps when you’re struggling to see your partner through fresh eyes at 4:17
• Dad’s responsibility on Mother’s Day at 5:49
• Some suggestions for making Mom’s day special at 7:45
• Recognize your partner for all they do and show appreciation at 10:49
• Suggestions for a romantic Mother’s Day treat for her at 12:05
• If you listen you will learn what she wants at 15:19
• Honor Mom and Grandmother on Mother’s Day 17:44
• Stepmoms are Moms too at 18:21

View the complete show notes here

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart shares what a couple that truly wants to move forward and heal their relationship after an affair must do.

An affair is one of the worst relationship injuries, and going through the process of affair recovery is hard on both partners.

Tune in to today's episode and find out why Stuart says that in order to move forward after an affair you have to "bury your marriage".

In Episode 109 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s guest is Jim Thomas. Jim Thomas is an internationally known speaker, EFT guru and teacher. He and Stuart are going to be discussing sexuality, infidelity, monogamy and long term partnerships.

Please Note: The language in this podcast may not be suitable for small children. We advise parental guidance. Please take a listen to Stuart and Jim’s candid and genuine discussion of sex, love and relationship issues around the topic of infidelity. 

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: 

• What defines “normal” and conversations about sex and gender at 8:50 

• Fantasy and role play is more common than you think at 16:28 

• Couples who have secure emotional bonds are more affectionate and have better sex at 23:45 

• Kissing without expectation of sex increases affection and connection 26:10

• How lack of emotional intimacy can lead to affairs and infidelity at 32:40

• Specific things you can do right now at 39:00

• Rebuilding trust after an affair 43:39

Click here to view the full show notes.

The question of infidelity, and what is infidelity comes up a lot with couples. It can be a confusing topic because there's more than one type of infidelity.

Of course the most commonly known type of infidelity is sexual or physical infidelity. Having intercourse is not the only way that sexual infidelity takes place. Touching, hugging, kissing, caressing and holding hands are all parts of sexual infidelity.

In today's Three Minutes's with Stuart, Stuart discusses sexual infidelity, along with emotional infidelity and financial infidelity.

In episode 108 of The Couples Expert Podcas Stuart’s guest is Dr. Charlie Glickman, a writer and sexuality educator who teaches workshops and seminars on sexuality. Listen as he and Stuart discuss sexuality, travel and keeping your sexual intimacy strong in a long-distance relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Verbal conversations are better than texts for sharing emotions at [4:57]
• What you can do when you can’t physically touch your partner at [14:37]
• How sexting can play a part in keeping your erotic life alive at [17:42]
• How role play can bring out a different side of us  at 25.48
• How to understand what you and your partner need to be aroused at [30:06]
• How to explore your fantasy life (3 questions) [34:53]

 Click here to view the full show notes

In today's 3 Minutes with Stuart we get the answer to the question many of us who have suffered the loss of a loved one have sought the answer to; is it betrayal to move on with your life?

Are you betraying your partner that has passed on if you start a relationship with someone new?

Should you feel guilty if you develop feelings for someone new?

How do you move forward after losing someone you love?

The answers to these questions and more in today's episode!

In episode 107 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about a deeply personal topic for him as he observes Patriot’s Day which celebrates one of the first battles of American Revolution at Lexington and Concord in 1775. This date (April 19th) became the day that was chosen for the running of the Boston Marathon and it’s been run every year since 1897. It’s also the birthday of Stuart’s sister, who lives very near to where the race starts.   

As you know the terrible bombing occurred at the Marathon in 2013. This terrorist attack on the marathon participants and spectators affected thousands; not only those in Boston but their family members all around the world. Stuart’s sister and family usually attended the race as spectators, so you can imagine how anxious and worried he was when he heard the news about the bombing. Listen in as Stuart tells the story and talks about the impact of grief and loss on your relationship.  

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast: 

• The impact of an unexpected or tragic loss at 3:07
• Keeping loved ones alive in memory  5:38
• Loss of a child 8:50
• Make each day count, find the positivity in life 10:10
• Encourage and support each other in your grief 14:50
• Don’t allow yourself to be distracted from what’s important 18:30
• The importance of connecting with your partner and resolving your hurts 20:21
• What would you want in your eulogy? 23:22 

This week we've been focusing on grief and loss at the Couples Expert. Many of us have experienced losing someone that was very dear to us. It could have been a husband or wife. We could have suffered through the loss of a family member, like a grand parent, aunt, or sibling.

How do we cope when our heart is hurting because we've lost a loved one? What should we do?

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart performs a short skit, where he is a man that has just experienced the loss of his beloved wife. He talks about some of the thoughts and feelings that one may experience at a time like this and offers suggestions of what we can do to help cope and move forward through the pain of losing a loved one.

Be sure to watch the entire video. You will be glad that you did!

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart shares how his wife Debbie and him celebrate Passover and Easter as an interfaith couple.

He explains how an interfaith sedar takes place and what his family does when they come together for this holiday.

Tune in and share in the celebration!

In the 106th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s topic is the Easter and Passover holidays that we’re celebrating this week. This year Passover began on Tuesday and Easter is Sunday. Stuart and his wife Debbie have an interfaith marriage where they support each other in their respective religious practices and celebrate both Jewish and Christian holidays with each other and their extended family. Listen in as Stuart talks about what an interfaith Passover/Easter celebration looks like at the Fensterheim household.

How special it is that families that come together to celebrate their diverse beliefs, and what a blessing it is to have our elders together with our extended family. We have a wonderful opportunity to take lessons from the past and apply them to today. Not all families are as fortunate. Stuart wants to share what this is like for his family.

“Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in synch like the ice skating pairs you see during the winter Olympics”

Easter and Passover bring the thread of the past into the present. When we observe what our forefathers had to endure and how they persevered and triumphed. We get to celebrate that this strength and dedication and how essential it is to us as a people. Celebrating this in the Jewish faith means that we keep the story alive through the retelling it to our children so they can pass it along to their kids and on through the generations to keep these lessons alive.

What you’ll learn from today’s Podcast:

• Passover and the reason why we eat unleavened bread [3:23]
• Kosher for the Passover Seder [4:20]
• Easter and spring time [7:10]
• The lessons we learn about love in these traditions [8:43]
• Celebrate love [9:35]
• The empty chair and freedom [10:54]
• The questions of the young [12:53]
• Stories and feasting [13:55]

View the full show notes here

What does it mean to have courage to you? We hear stories in the media and from friends and family about people who have done courageous things all the time.

Whether it's a fire fighter entering a burning building to rescue someone trapped on the inside or a teenager that stands up to the high school bully to protect another classmate.. courage comes in many forms.

But, how does courage play a part in our relationship with our partner? Does it take courage to have a genuine truly authentic relationship?

April 5th is Go For Broke Day, so I focused on what that means in a relationship. Going for broke, or going "all-in" means taking a risk and giving all of yourself emotionally to your partner.

We all have things that we aren't too fond of about ourselves, and we may worry about being accepted by our partners. But when we are not being authentic with ourselves and with our partner can we truly have a fulfilling relationship?

And for those of us who take the risk and invest "all-in" in our relationship is that worthy of being considered courageous? I think it is.

In today's video I talk about having courage in a relationship and why it's so important to go "all in" or go for broke with your partner. The reward is well worth the risk when you are with the right person.

In Episode 105 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about going “all in” in our lives and in our relationships with our partners. It's “Go For Broke” week , a fun holiday on April 5th. Tune in to hear how you can go for broke in your relationships.

Going for broke is always fraught with hope and anxiety. You can’t win it all if you don’t go for broke. Do you believe in your relationship enough to go all in and invest everything on your love life? Take a listen here as Stuart talks about what this means in your relationship.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• What you are  risking if you go for broke?  [7:40]
• What if you don’t go all in?  [9:25]
• Why you must go for broke with your partner [10:27]
• What does going for broke look like in your relationship? [11:35]
• Holding back sabotages your future [15:09]

View the complete shownotes here

It seems like a new online dating website springs up every month, and more and more people are comfortable with online dating.

What are the benefits of dating someone you met online? Do people really build strong long lasting committed relationships from online dating? In today's video I talk about online dating and how people who meet online can have a very "connected" relationship.

In episode 104 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s guest is Marisa Cohen; an Assistant Psychology Professor St. Francis College in Brooklyn, New York and the Director of Self Awareness and Bonding Lab. Her work centers on the science of relationships and gender differences. Today’s discussion will be about online dating and finding love online. Listen as Stuart and Marisa delve into this interesting topic.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• How can there be science in relationships? 5:17
• How online dating changes the process of courtship 6:42
• Why the research on successful couples varies 8:55
• How dating algorithms on dating sites help you find your match 10:30
• Some of Stuart’s dating experiences 13:12
• Technology helps us connect with people that we might not otherwise meet 15:48
• Are online first meetings more authentic than first person meetings?  19:04
• There’s an app (and a book)  for that 21:46
• Getting to forever 29:02

Being open and honest when completing your online profile will increase the chances of developing a relationship that will last. Don't misrepresent yourself.

Click here to view the full show notes

The following quote is taken from the book "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

After reading the inspiring words of Marianne Williamson above, ask yourself the following questions:

Do you accept who you are and love being YOU?

or

Do you change your behaviour, adjust your feelings to appease others or to feel validated by someone else?

Whether you like yourself or not, the fact remains there is no where you can go to avoid YOU from tagging along with you. So since you have to take YOU wherever you go, it makes sense to start loving and appreciating YOU for who YOU are.

In today's video I talk about about authenticity, and being authentic in your relationship with your partner.

Living an authentic life with your partner allows you the freedom to be yourself and means you can be secure in the knowledge that you don’t have to hide anything from them. They are going to love you and value you because of (and in spite of) your showing every side of yourself, every wrinkle and wart, and every broken part of you.

Plus the more you are authentic, the more confident you will become. The more you like yourself the more others will like you too, especially your partner.

A key foundational block of your relationship is honesty. Another is trust. How can you be truly honest with your partner if you are living a lie instead of being authentic and living an authentic life?

In episode 103 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart’s guest is Robina Meehan, an “Emotional Renovator”. Her specialty is connecting with women. She guides women as a facilitator to help them live a more authentic life.

We want to send a huge thank you to Jo Muirhead for referring Robina to the podcast. Stuart and Robina discuss how being who you truly are, is the path to happiness.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• What brought Robina to do this work [11:15]
• Change can come in an instant [13:00]
• Definition of rage [14:25]
• Where the passion for women came from  [21:20]
• Both partners need to be emotional [24:30]
• Many women live in their head not their heart [27:38]
• Sexuality and communicating your needs [29:40]
• Infidelity is not about sex [31:07]
• What people discover in doing work on themselves [33:00]
• The importance of listening [35:02]
• The power of journaling [35:57]
• You have to honor your own boundaries [40:00]

Click here to view the complete shownotes

In today's Three Minutes with Stuart talks about the upcoming St. Patrick's Day holiday and why it's another opportunity to show your partner how important they are to you.

A Brief History of St. Patrick's Day-

St. Patrick's Day is celebrated every year on March 17th. The celebration is to commemorate the death of St. Patrick, the patron Saint of Ireland, who was successful in converting the pagans of Ireland to Christians. What began as an Irish religious festival has become celebration all around the globe with many different festivities and parades. The shamrock and Leprechaun are symbols associated with St. Patrick's Day.

Some more interesting things about St. Patrick's Day:

Each year 5.5 million people visit St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and there are over 450 churces in the U.S. named after St. Patrick. Another interesting thing to note is whether you're Irish or not nearly 122 million Americans say they celebrate St. Patrick's day each year! That's 39% of the population of the entire country!

Common Ways People Celebrate St. Patrick's Day:

You probably have noticed that the color green is associated with the holiday and 83% of people who celebrate the holiday will wear something green. Some folks make a special dinner, attend a party, or decorate their homes with St. Patrick's Day decorations.

The title of today's video, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" is related to St. Patrick's Day too. It's a reference to the famous Blarney Stone found in Ireland. It is said that anyone who kisses the stone is blessed with being eloquent. So pucker up!

St. Patrick's day is really a fun holiday and couples should take the time to enjoy it, enjoy each other, and have some fun.

In Episode 102 of The Couples Expert Podcast is our Happy St. Patrick’s Day episode. We’re not always talking about weighty and somber issues. This week we’re going to have some fun and celebrate a uniquely American Irish holiday.

I love this St. Patty’s Day quote that says “A Best Friend is like a 4 leaf clover~ Hard to find and lucky to have” Unknown. How wonderful when your partner is your best friend. You are indeed lucky. You need to cultivate that friendship. There’s more to love than chemistry or physical attraction. Making a long-term relationship work requires your commitment to being a best friend to your partner every day.

What you’ll get from today’s podcast:

• Is your partner your best friend?  at 3:00
• Why you should celebrate together at 7:30
• Can St.Patrick’s Day add some fun to your love life? at 10:30
• Some St. Patrick’s day trivia  at 12:38
• Commit to connecting with loved ones 17:50

Click here to view the complete show notes

In episode 101 of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about a subject that impacts many families and relationships; prescription drug addiction. It’s not a pleasant issue, but one that Stuart feels very strongly about. He has helped many couples overcome and repair the damage to their relationships caused by addiction.  Stuart discusses this problem and some solutions.

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” – Robert Collier

This quote applies to recovery, repairing your relationship (making amends in the 12 step program) , and getting through your day without using drugs. You have to do it as they say, “One day at a time” , but sometimes you have to do it one hour , one minute, and one moment at a time If you can get through this moment and the next , you will eventually have hours, days, weeks and months of success.

In today’s Podcast you’ll learn:

• It’s never too late to start over [5:45]
• Addiction to prescription is not different from any other addiction [7:08]
• How addiction begins [8:44]
• Behavior of an addict [12:15]
• Treatment is available [15:30]
• Partners need to stay involved [19:16]
• Chronic Pain Sufferers are at risk [21:23]

Stuart hosts a weekend couples workshop monthly called Two Days, Seven Conversations – based on Dr. Sue Johnson’s Book Hold Me Tight®.  Register now for March and April weekends.  These workshops always fill up fast. Click the link here to register for your spot in an upcoming weekend. http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Click here to view the complete show notes.

In this three Minutes with Stuart video, Stuart talks about the last year and half experience being the host of The Couples Expert Podcast. He also shares plans for the future for the show, introduces Stuart's Daily Notes and more.

In the 100th episode of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart does something a little different for this milestone podcast. He has invited a guest from the listening community to interview him and share the broadcast.  

Stuart’s guest on the show is Virginia Curtis, an equine professional who works in equine- assisted psychotherapy and learning, and is also on the Board of Directors for Project Spirit Equine Rescue and Rehab, a horse rescue in southern Oregon.

What you’ll hear today: 

• How Stuart got started as a podcaster
• Where he sources his themes and topics
• Stuart’s favorite episodes from the past 100
• His most embarrassing moments
• High profile guests from past shows
• What motivates him every week to do this podcast (It might surprise you)

You Make the Difference

Stuart mentions Episodes 88 and 93 as recent shows that really stand out as important to him. He also did a series on infidelity that he feels is very important to his listeners.  

Click here to view the complete show notes online

Tune in as I talk about how kindness plays a role in being a good wife. I plan on doing another video about being a good husband in the future.

Let's face it. Men make mistakes. None of us are perfect, but when you are married..and this is why I appreciate my wife Debbie so much.. kindness after we men make a mistake plays a huge rule in keeping the emotional connection.

It can be easy to become frustrated with you partner, but being kind is a big part of showing love, appreciation and that you care. It also shows that you accept your partner even though they have made a mistake. Most people don't take it too well when someone reminds them of a mistake they made in an unkind way. This can be even more unsettling and even hurtful when it's done by the one person in the world that you expect to have your back and be there for you.

Some things that you can do as a wife to be kind to your husband is be quiet. Sometimes being quiet and listening without being critical is all that is needed or desired from your husband. Try to be empathetic and understanding.

When you see that your husband didn't have the best day a random act of kindness like preparing his favorite meal, or doing a chore that is normally his will have added effect. There are so many little kind gestures that you can do, as a wife, to show love to your husband.

Episode 99 of The Couples Expert Podcast is all about love and kindness, because that’s what we’re all about here at The Couples Experts. First we have Valentine’s Day (Podcast 98), and then this episode for Random Acts of Kindness Week. 

Random Acts of Kindness Week

In This podcast Stuart talks about showing kindness to your partner, not just one week in February, but all throughout the year, and how being kind to not only your partner, but everyone you meet can absolutely change your life for the better.

It seems like our world has become harder and colder in recent times. Let’s bring some kindness back into our everyday interactions with the people we love, and those we meet along the way! Never underestimate the power of a small act of kindness when it’s given unexpectedly. Our hope is that after you listen to Stuart today, you’ll commit to being a part of this kindness movement to make everything a little bit nicer.  

“Act from kindness but don’t expect gratitude” ~ Confucius

What you’ll learn from today’s episode: 

• Kindness should be cultivated at 7:30
• Kindness to others can make your day at 9:00
• How one city “pays it forward” at 10:27
• What kind of RAOK can you do for your partner at 12:00
• Small things can end up being the big things at 15:30
• Kindness is transformative at 17:32
• A challenge from Stuart at 19:39
• RAOK you can do as a couple 21:09

View the complete show notes here

Tune in and listen as Stuart talks about Random Acts of Kindness and a recent experience that his wife Debbie had while she was purchasing coffee, and how the act of kindness from one person effected everyone that was in the cafe in such a positive way.

Being kind, even in small ways, can have a huge impact on someone's day. It will even have an impact on how you feel and your day.

Episode 98 of The Couples Expert Episode is all about love, connections and Valentine's Day. Stuart talks about having a special Valentine’s Day that sends the right message. We all want to have the most close and connected relationship and be the best partner we can be for each other. Listen as Stuart talks about ways to have the best Valentine’s Day with the one you love. 

Celebrate your love on Valentine’s Day and every single day.

Quote: All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. Charles M. Schulz

That’s because chocolate makes you feel like you’re in love. I will never understand people who say they don’t like chocolate. Chocolate makes a perfect Valentine’s Day gift because that sweetness makes us think of our loved one even after Valentine’s Day is over. 

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast: 

• We need Valentine’s Day as an excuse to focus on celebrating our relationship. 
• Valentine’s Day is about romance. 
• Stuart has been leaving gifts for Debbie in her car throughout the week counting down to Valentine’s Day and how she has reacted. 
• Even if you’re not romantic, you can learn how to romance your partner by paying attention. 
• How kindness changes our perception of our partner and how being a kind person is one of the best things you can be.
• What makes Stuart feel like a knight in shining armor? 
• What it means to have a close connected Valentine’s Day and how to choose the right gift for your partner. 
• How you can choose gifts that have the right meaning and intention behind the giving. 
• It’s ok to be corny and romantic on Valentine’s Day. 

It’s not enough to buy just material gifts for your partner. Gifts should also be symbolic of the depth of feeling that you have for each other. You want your partner to know that their happiness matters to you and the gift you choose is representative of that feeling. 

Click here to read the complete show notes.

In episode 97 of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart and Risa Ganel talk about physical and emotional health and how it relates to your relationship. Risa Ganel is a marriage and family therapist who practices in Columbia, MD. Listen as she and Stuart talk about physical and psychological health and the impact on love and relationships. 

What you’ll learn from today’s broadcast:

• Having a stable family background doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t have relationship problems at 6:00
• The Leukemia/Lymphoma Society trains people to run and cycle for fundraising with “Team in Training “ at 7:35
• Depression and anxiety can be directly linked to physical fitness 9:50
• Physical activity is a great anti-depressant at 10:41
• How physical fitness affects your relationship at 18:00
• How physical work figures into couples therapy 21:21
• Your partner may decide not to participate at 22:42

It’s amazing how physical fitness, physical health and feeling fit can affect you and your partner both. While it’s wonderful if you and your partner both can participate, it’s okay if only one partner is doing the work. It may or may not motivate your partner to get involved. What’s important is that you do it for you, so that you can be healthy and feel great. Of course you love your partner and want them to look and feel at their best so that you can have a long and healthy life together. Remember, working out isn’t about how you look, although that will change for the better as you make progress, it’s about feeling good and being healthy for a long and happy lifetime together.

 Click here to view the complete show notes

In this extended episode of Three Minutes with Stuart, Stuart talks about the importance of being healthy and staying fit as a couple. Besides improved overall health which leads to less stress, sleeping better, and living longer, when you're healthy you're a better you which makes you a better partner in your marriage.

You might have made a New Year’s resolutions together as a couple to be healthier this year, and maybe you've already lost momentum. That doesn't mean you can't pick back up and achieve your goals.

It feels great to get out and move, especially after this long, cold winter that many of you have experienced. With spring just around the corner, it’s a great time to make some plans around how you and your partner can find some fun ways to stay fit together.

View the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw4CfIsod_Y

In Episode 96 of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart discusses relationship issues and a little bit of history of the evolution of same sex relationships and acceptance of them in our society. 

Today’s show is “Love is Love”. One of the things that Stuart has found in his work as a couples expert is that same sex couples struggle with many of the same relationship challenges as straight couples do. There are also some unique problems and issues that gay marriages face that don’t affect their straight counterparts. Can gay couples find true love? Can they have happy marriages? Stuart answers these questions and more today on the podcast. 

Quote: Marriage should be between a spouse and a spouse, not a gender and a gender.

—Hendrik Hertzberg

We love who we love. There’s attraction, there’s chemistry and there’s all those things that draw you to an individual. Sometimes it’s a surprise when you find that the person you’ve fallen for is the same gender as you. For some it’s understood that they’ve always and only been attracted to the same gender. For others, gender has no bearing on it. Society likes to label these people as LGBTQ and so on. Beyond all the labels you’re really just in love. It’s a person not a gender, not a label. Love is love.  

Click here to view the complete shownotes

In the 95th Episode of The Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about ways to take your good relationship and make it truly great relationship. The truth is, greatness resides in all of us; you merely need to know how to tap into it and bring it out. Each relationship has room for improvement, and if you listen today, you will learn that even if you think your relationship is going fine, it’s good, you can make it even better. Shoot for the stars!

Quote:” When someone else’s happiness is your happiness that is love.”

When you’re in a great relationship, you and your partner are so in synch, so close and connected that you are each other’s happiness. All of the love and emotion that you feel is linked to your partner. If they’re sad, you feel it. You share both joy and sorrow together.  All the negative and positive emotions are felt by both of you and your main purpose in life is to make each other happy. Your relationship will take priority over anything else that’s happening and your mission in life is to have that relationship with your partner where you feel connected, close, and important.

Tune in to Episode 95, Turning A Good Relationship Into A Great Relationship.

Click here to view the complete shownotes

Tune in to the 94th Episode of the Couples Expert Podcast! In this episode Stuart and his special guest talk about the latest innovations in research and information on love and relationships. This podcast is all about some newer therapeutic tools and techniques that are being used to help individuals and couples. Especially those who have had trauma or suffering in their past.

 “Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” – Gary Zukav

When it comes to healing, no matter what you’re healing from love is the answer.

Because wiith love, everything is easier, you don’t feel alone, and you can trust the one you love to support you and be there for you and help you as you heal. Sometimes it’s the mere presence of the one you love that makes you feel secure and safe. The love that you and your partner share helps you to heal from past hurts and allows you to look ahead towards the future.

Stuarts guest on the show this week is Jackie Leger, LPC. Jackie recently joined the Couples Experts as part of the clinical staff. She specializes in EMDR therapy. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. This therapy model is being used extensively for trauma and PTSD sufferers with excellent results. This is used in conjunction with traditional talk therapy with great success.

Click here to view the complete show notes

In this episode of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart will talk about someone he greatly admires, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dr. King’s life and message was all about love, peace and affecting change without violence. These are attributes that are definitely still needed in the world today. Stuart talks about some of the lessons he learned about love from Dr. King

Stuart discusses some of the lessons he learned about love from Dr. King. Whether you remember Dr. King, and the incredible impact he had on this country during the era of the Civil Rights Movement, or not; even if you’re in the generations that have grown up since his untimely death in 1968, his influence and his great words still echo down through history. Love is the answer.

What you will learn today:

• How authenticity is needed in our relationships at 12:05
• What to do when you are triggered or argue 14:30
• Why you should fight for connection 15:28
• What having a peaceful home can do for you 17:50
• What a dream for your life can be 20:06

The takeaway from the message of Martin Luther King, Jr. is that love in action is the most powerful force in the Universe. That hate meeting hate, anger and violence meeting anger and violence only creates more of the same. What we need is to put love in action in our everyday lives, with our partners and our family and friends.

Quote:  “Wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows.” MLK

To read the full show notes click here

In this episode of The Couples Experts podcast, Stuart welcomes Couples Expert Kelsey Blythe to discuss issues surrounding being prepared for marriage and setting yourselves up for a lifetime together in a happy and successful marriage. Kelsey is new to the Couples Expert staff, and has been a warm and wonderful addition to the team. She is running the premarital program at the Couples Experts and we’re very happy to have her on board. Kelsey herself has recently gotten engaged to be married so she will be speaking on a personal as well as professional level on the topic of premarital counseling. Take a listen!

In this episode you will learn:  

• Why working on and maintaining your relationship is vitally important at  9:50
• How you can be proactive about problems at 13:40
• Premarital counseling helps couples do more than work out details about the marriage, it helps them decide about their commitment at 17:30
• A custom program for couples that contains EFT(Emotionally Focused Therapies) focuses less on  content than the connection between the couples at 19:30
• What a premarital counseling session is like at 22:00
• Why having a counselor as a resource throughout the marriage is helpful  25:57

Premarital counseling can help couples to prepare for their marriage by opening up discussion on topics ranging from finances to family planning. Couples learn how to communicate on a deeper level and are prepared to navigate the bumps in the road that inevitably come during marriage.

Click here to read the complete show notes

In episode 91 of The Couples Expert Podcast!  It’s the last show for 2016 and Stuart is discussing how to set realistic and meaningful relationship goals for the New Year. We all want to do better and be better and the New Year is the new beginning that many of us use as a jumping off point for furthering our goals. The Couples Experts would like to thank you for a great 2016. Take a listen while Stuart discusses some ideas for 2017. 

What you will learn in this episode: 

• Why we set goals instead of resolutions (12:20) 

• Goals are promises you make to yourself (15:00) 

• How to follow up and check in with your partner regularly  (16:18) 

• What you should include in your goal lists (21:15) 

• Some important suggestions for your growth as a couple.(32:00) 

• Share your lists and compare together  (33:50)

You can also subscribe to 3 Minutes With Stuart on the Couples Expert YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsqIoIdClWx1kGXXg0phnqg

Read the show notes online here

In this special holiday edition of the Couples Expert Podcast, Stuart talks about his interfaith family and gives us a look inside how interfaith couples navigate the unique challenges that come at the holidays.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Standing up for your traditions is important ([9:03])
• It is possible to blend two religious traditions into one celebration  ([10:40])
• Helping those less fortunate can lift your holiday spirits ([15:30])
• This is a great time to make amends and repair relationships  ([18:00])
• Interfaith families have a unique responsibility to educate their children in both faiths  ([20:25])
• The richness of partners and families sharing faith and tradition ,the Hanukkah story. ([21:40])
• Some important takeaways related to family traditions at the holidays ( [29:50])

Tune in and enjoy!

Click here for the complete show notes

The 89th episode of the Couples Expert Podcast is all about Baby Boomers and the Empty Nest. Join Stuart as he discusses all the changes that couples go through when sending their kids out on their own for the first time.

Stuart talks about how we raise our kids and prepare them to be on their own and the challenge of transitioning from full-time parenting to being a full-time couple. Couples need to spend some time preparing for this eventuality. Stuart gives you some tips on how to do that.

In this episode you will learn: 

• The Empty Nest transition can be an emotional time
• Roles change and we need to redefine who we are in relation to our adult children- Stuart discusses the emotions and challenges that accompany this transitional time.
• Planning for this time helps with the emotions and changes; a lot of couples forget about that.
• One of the most positive things about being an empty nester: We can focus on ourselves and our relationship with our partner.
• We can pursue our dreams and our “Bucket List” together- What are some of the things you want on the list?  This is the time for you and your partner to discuss your future plans and get together on what you want to do in the future. Do you want to travel, retire; sell the house? Whatever it is that you want to do, you have some decisions to make. Make your “bucket lists” now so you don’t miss out on what you’ve always wanted to do.

To view the complete show notes click here.

Episode 88 of The Couples Expert Podcast is a special podcast because it touches on something deeply personal for Stuart. He talks about raising a child with a chronic illness or special needs and how the love and support of the family are needed in order to accomplish this.

Stuart’s daughter was born with a disorder called Esophageal Atresia/Tracheoesophageal Fistula (EA/TEF for short). Stuart and Sarah’s mom had incredible challenges in raising her. They had to adapt , learn and overcome so much in Sarah’s early childhood.

No parent would wish to have a sick baby, but when that happens, there is a shift in what’s important in a parent’s life. Stuart and Sarah’s mom were her staunchest advocates and there was more than one time that they had to step up to make sure that Sarah was getting the proper care. They learned to live in the moment and not to wish things were different. They also never blamed each other for Sarah’s problems. To accept that this was the hand their child was dealt and this is the life she was given. This gave them a sense of calm about things and no regrets about “what if’s”. Stuart discusses how you need to separate the child from the illness and teach them that their condition is just something they’ll have to deal with and get on with life. No sense in wishing it were otherwise.

Stuart discussed how celebrations of all the firsts in life  are exponentially more joyful because they are so meaningful because Sarah’s mom and Dad never thought they’d ever get to have those firsts with their child.

Click here to read the full shownotes

Thank you for joining us and welcome to Episode 87 of the Couples Expert Podcast!

In this week’s episode Stuart talks about having healthy relationships during Thanksgiving; How we can learn to be appreciative and thankful for those people that make our life richer and more full. Especially our life partners. These are the people that are always there for us in so many ways. We are very grateful for the love in our lives and we can make this Thanksgiving holiday the best we’ve ever had with our partners.

Stuart reminds us of the paradox of thankfulness; of how when you begin to appreciate the good things in your life, you are able to find more to be thankful for.  If we get into a habit of looking for those things to be grateful for, it really becomes an “attitude of gratitude” which makes life better.

Stuart discusses how the travel and obligations of the holidays can cause anxiety and stress but whether you’re cooking for a crowd, stuck at the airport or having a quiet intimate get together with immediate family, it all depends on how you see it. If you spend quality time focused on your relationship with your partner, you can have a great time connecting together. Make a commitment to each other and determine to make the holiday about connecting with each other and your children. Avoid letting the little things getting you down, make it special and meaningful and make some great memories.

To read the complete show notes click here

In Episode 86 of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart is discussing how to help couples to take their relationship from “good” , to fun and exciting. There are ways to keep your relationship feeling brand new no matter how long you’ve been together as a couple.

Couples that have been together for a long time can get into predictable routines. While that’s not always a bad thing, (our routines keeps us comfortable and secure), when life becomes too predictable you can find yourselves in a rut. Stuart is going to give you some ideas for keeping your relationship new and fun and injecting some spontaneity into your life.

“Couples that laugh together , Last together” Dr. John Gottman

Laughter and Play

Stuart talks about how laughter and play can help to strengthen your relationship and finding our sense of humor helps us to get through even the toughest times. If you can learn to lighten up, you’ll have a more joyful outlook on everything in life. Stuart advises couples not to take themselves too seriously, to laugh and love together and have fun.

This week marks the 85th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast!

This week Stuart speaks with his guest Emily Bouchard, MSSW. Emily works with couples and families about money issues. She helps families understand where the triggers about money really stem from and teaches them how to have difficult conversations without money landmines blowing them up!

Stuart and Emily discuss why money issues can affect couples so dramatically and can leave them feeling disconnected. Many people are uneducated about how to talk about money and 70% of families fall apart when money gets transferred. It happens when people come into large sums, or when money is redistributed, a business is sold, or when a blended family is involved and there are issues about ownership of shared property. There can be anger and resentment about expectations from family members about what is fair and right. Things can get very complicated the more layers of family that are added. It’s a challenge to make it fair where there may not be equal distribution or equal ownership within the family members. The more money you have, the more complex the issues within the family can be.

These are a few of the emotional explosive landmines that catch you off guard. Emily likens these to an invisible electronic barrier fence. You don’t know it’s there until you run into it. In her work she teaches people how to turn the voltage down. It can still sting, but it won’t kill or blow you up.

Protections come up, then you think “don’t go there,” So you avoid the conversation altogether until BOOM - you found the landmine! Stuart explains how emotions under the surface can explode when they’ve been between you and keeping you from connecting with the people you love.

Stuart talks about the triggers that come up when money conflicts arise and how understanding what’s needed to have these conversations empowers couples to navigate these difficult issues. From his emotional attachment work, Stuart shares the underlying dynamics about trust and need and why money problems can tear you apart as a couple.

Click here to read the complete Show Notes

In the 84th episode of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart speaks with his guest, Robert Cox, and they discuss substance abuse and alcoholism.

Substance abuse is extremely widespread and far-reaching problem and for those families who have an addict or alcoholic in their homes, it can be a devastating experience. Robert and Stuart discuss how this is a family problem and the importance of the entire family’s involvement in setting boundaries and sometimes giving tough love to the addict in order to preserve the relationships within the family.

Self- care and coping is not an option, it’s a “have to” - if you want to stay healthy in order to deal with the problem of substance abuse in a partner or family member.

Stuart does a lot of work with couples whose relationships are impacted by addiction. Not only drugs and alcohol but other addictions such as food, sex or gambling can also be addressed by seeing a couples counselor. You can learn more on The Couples Expert website http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com. Stuart and his staff offer a free 30 minutes consultation for new clients to learn about how therapy works for these types of issues.

Click Here to Read the Complete Show Notes

In this Halloween- themed episode Stuart gives couples who’ve been “spooked” in their relationship some alternatives to divorcing. Stuart believes that unless there are extremes of violence and substance abuse issues, that divorce is NOT the answer to your marital problems.

We can get into negative cycles and repeat those patterns in our relationships. Wanting to break out of those is scary but once each partner relates all of the qualities about their partner to these negative cycles, their instincts are to get away from the negativity, and the person with whom they associate the negativity. Without the tools to fix the problems people feel helpless and want to give up and /or run away.

Read the complete show notes here: 

Don't Let Your Marriage Spook You Into Divorce Show Notes

In episode 82 of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about the last stage of life, love and relationships. We’ve raised our kids, they’re out on their own and maybe having families of their own and  here we are with our partners rattling around in our empty nest. It can be a tough time if you’re not prepared for it. Leaving you feeling kind of lost and alone. You may have been living separate lives and now need to get reacquainted. Now is the time to start this last stage of your long term life and relationship by seeing your partner in a new way and rekindling the love and connection between the two  of you.

Stuart also discusses how we need to set boundaries with our adult children and in our role of grandparents. If you don’t discuss and agree on where those boundaries are, it can cause huge problems in your relationship. We need to support and communicate with our adult children but never meddle or interfere. We can feel proud that we launched our adult children and that they are doing well. They can be equipped to handle their own loving relationships because we’ve modeled a healthy partnership for them.

Read the full show notes on the The Couples Expert blog here:

http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts/

This week’s podcast topic is a bit different. This is week 2 of the 3 stages of a relationship. Last week we talked about the early stages of a relationship. So, today’s it’s phase 2, which covers the stage of raising children. There are so many challenges that come with parenting, so I am bringing on an expert to handle the topic. So today we talk about ways to handle those challenges, while still maintaining a close, connected relationship that will allow you to feel loved and supported. 

It’s also important that as you and your partner maintain a close and committed relationship, that the children also feel connected and secure in their relationship you, as well as their place in the family. By modeling this kind of relationship to your children, you are showing them how to act in a relationship.

Today’s guest is Dr. Robert Pate, a Counselor, and Psychologist from Huntington Beach, CA. Dr. Pate has a private practice in Orange county. He’s here to guide us through these conversations  about how to maintain healthy parental relationships with your children, while maintaining your relationship as a connected couple. 

You can read the full show notes and access the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

This is a place where you can come to learn ways that you and your partner can take your relationship to the next level. There’s nothing in the world that can compare to having a relationship where you know you are accepted exactly as you are, where you and your partner are in this journey together and will take on any challenges that come in your path. 

My wife and I were talking the other day, and I was asking her what it was like to be in a relationship with me. Sometimes I like to hear the perspective of my wife, just to see how I’m doing. She said that one of the things she loves about me is my gentleness and my kindness. She said that I was one of the kindest people she knew. Now, to be honest, I really wanted her to say I was sexy, or strong or virile and all of these other things, but she came out with kindness and gentleness!

In actuality, my wife gave me a gift. You see kindness is a characteristic that I can carry throughout my life. It doesn’t fade with age or looks. It doesn’t depend on me looking or feeling a certain way. It’s just a characteristic that I have in my life that will be with me as long as I live. So having this sort of admiration from my wife, makes me feel secure and makes me feel like I can be myself with her, and not every couple can feel that way.

My wife is genuinely one of the most good natured people I have ever known. She rarely does anything to stir me up, because I know she has no ill intentions. It makes us unique as a couple because we can truly be ourselves, without the risk of rejection.

Each relationship has different phases:

1. Newlywed and early years with children
2. Raising the family and building a career
3. Empty nest and growing older together in retirement

Over the next 3 episodes, we will discuss each of these phases in-depth.

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecoupleexpert.com

I’m so excited about today’s podcast. It will help so many of you get more out of your relationship. Has anyone had to be your dream killer? My life’s passion is working in the field of therapy to help couples enjoy their relationships. Today’s topic is infidelity. It’s a sad part of relationships. Affairs come in various forms - financial affairs, emotional affairs, sexual affairs. It doesn’t have to spell the end of your relationship. You can come back after an affair and have a committed and beautiful relationship.

Alicia Taverner is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, with a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications from the University of La Verne, and a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University.

Alicia specializes in helping women find the calm within the storm of some of the most difficult relationship struggles such as infidelity, divorce, and break-up. Alicia is also a trained Discernment Counselor, and helps couples explore options for continuing their relationship despite some very heavy challenges. She resides in the Inland Empire with her husband and two children. Her personal passions include biking, snowboarding, yoga, and spending time with family and friends. 

You can read the full show notes at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com.

Being in a relationship is hard work. Add to that, being part of a couple where both are entrepreneurs, and you end up with a completely different dynamic. The sacrifices involved in entrepreneurship can be that you sacrifice relationships for the pursuit of wealth.

Is it possible to have a balanced relationship, a growing business and not sacrificing financial success in the meantime? That’s what our guest today is here to talk about. Leisa Peterson has a program that will get you to this point in your life.

Leisa Peterson has spent the last 25 years in the money business. She was drawn to it because she had some deep scarcity issues. Eventually, she was able to do more “in the business” by being aware of how money affects people.

Join us for this enlightening conversation!

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

Today’s guest is Cait Wotherspoon and we are talking about grief and loss. We’ve just passed the 15th anniversary of 9/11 and our mood has been somber and reflective in observance of that horrid day. My brother was actually in a meeting in the World Trade Center a day or two before the attack. It really makes you realize that we have so much to be thankful for and how much we should appreciate the relationships we have.

With our relationships, we take in information and analyze it, and assign ow own interpretation of that information, and that colors our interactions with those people in our lives. If we didn’t do that, we could be much freer in our relationships. Much of Cait’s work deals with the grief of losing a child.

Cait Wotherspoon is a Therapist from Australia. She grew up wanting to be a prima ballerina and at 14, she became a ballet teacher and choreographer. She ended up meeting her husband later and it changed the course of her life. She had a toddler and was expecting twins, and one of her twins passed away, and she had multiple other family tragedies on top of that. I am so glad to welcome Cait to the show to talk about the very important topic of dealing with grief and loss.

You can read the full show notes and access the Cait's FREE gift at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

This year I’m doing a podcast on my birthday. On September 18, I will be 61. As a look back over my life, I can see how my relationships have shaped my entire life. My relationship with my significant other has allowed me to have a perspective on this world that it’s a great place to be. 

Things haven’t always been great, though. I know what it’s like to have a darkness in your perspective that comes from you not knowing that you are accepted, loved and connected to another person in a significant way. You can even begin to question what the point of life is. It’s a really bleak place to be. 

I’ve been on both sides of the relationship extremes, and I want to talk to you about what I did to go from disconnected, dark and bleak, to connected, happy and optimistic. My wife Debbie has been the one person in my life that has made it worth living!

Having a relationship with a therapist isn’t always easy, if you aren’t in the same field. But I am in an environment everyday that is happy, fulfilled and filled with positivity. It makes me see the world through a clearer, brighter lens. I am a better person and all the things I enjoy doing are more fun than ever. 

People talk about relationships as if they are optional. Without connected relationships, our world is dark and bleak.

In this episode, we talk about why love is so much more than a 4-letter word! Join us!

How is your relationship? What words would you use to describe it? Is it simply good, or is it great? Is it ordinary—or exceptional? You know, there is nothing to rival the safety and security of a committed, loving relationship in which you KNOW that your partner cares for you above all others and ALWAYS has your back. 

My guest today is an expert on conflict and couples. Anne Goshen helps couples feel close and secure with each other, using the Gottman method of attachment therapy. Anne is also a fellow podcaster; her The Couples Toolbox podcast is coming in mid-September! Join me to learn more about Anne and her work.

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

What comes to mind with the word vacation? You may envision a tropical locale, a snow-covered ski slope, historic European cities, or a getaway filled with adventures. What you may not realize, though, is the impact of vacations on couples and relationships. The essential ingredient in a vacation is time set aside for ourselves and our partner. A vacation will reveal things about you and your connection to your partner. Vacations are CRITICAL!

My wife and I just returned from an incredible vacation in the Mediterranean. We took a cruise to Rome and visited Spain and Italy. We spent much time connecting with one another in a stress-free, relaxed environment. We returned feeling refreshed and recharged both individually. There is no doubt that our relationship was strengthened by our time away. Let’s dig deeper into some of the benefits of VACATIONS!

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

Welcome to the 72^nd episode of The Couples Expert podcast! Today’s show is dedicated to actor Leonard Nimoy, who died in 2012 of COPD. I grew up as a Trekkie to beat all Trekkies---the ultimate fan of the original Star Trek series. Listen along, and you’ll see why I call this episode, Vulcan Marriage.

Relationships---they enrich our lives in SO many ways. If you are fortunate enough to be in a relationship with a partner, then you know that relationship is very special. It’s the relationship that brings more meaning and significance than anything else in life. And you know, we really all want the same thing: to know that we have a relationship with a partner that is special, authentic, and transparent. We want to feel secure and significant. 

How do we achieve these relationship goals? Fortunately, it’s NOT a guessing game. We have the answers! That’s what this show is all about! We want to turn disconnection into connection, on this wonderful journey called LIFE. Our tips, experts, and advice will show that relationship change CAN be created, and can impact your friends, colleagues, children, and grandchildren. Today’s solo episode topic is the debate whether LOGIC or EMOTION is the best quality in a relationship.

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

Trauma---and connection. Have you ever thought about the relationship between the words? Can true connection exist in a world tainted by trauma? Fortunately for many, the answer is YES. Trauma can steal SO MUCH of the good from our lives and affect relationships in extremely negative ways, but there is HOPE. My guest today is committed to bringing hope, healing and connection to those who have experienced trauma. I’m excited to introduce you to Laura!

Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, practices in Maryland, working specifically with individuals and couples affected by trauma. Laura and I actually met online in a Facebook group, discussing our practices and podcasts. We proudly bond as Terrapins from the University of Maryland! Laura’s podcast is Therapy Chat—definitely worth your time in listening! Laura is a Daring Way facilitator, which is a therapy technique based on the research of Dr. Brene’ Brown. She also implements Sensorimotor Psychotherapy in her practice. 

Laura explains why she found a home within the trauma niche of therapy. After taking classes about violence against women and children, Laura was intrigued by the reasons behind abusive behavior and the oft-repeated cycles of abuse. Children, no matter how young, can experience harmful emotional effects from domestic violence taking place around them. Through her work at a sexual assault crisis center, Laura felt compelled to devote her life’s work to helping people recover from the long-term effects of trauma. She works now to provide therapy, to stop the cycles, and to be part of the CHANGE.

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

Everyone longs to be "in love" and have a deep connection to a partner that will always be there for them. Part of being connected is also revealing your vulnerability. That's not a part of love that we normally look forward to. No one enjoys being vulnerable. Today's guest is Veronica Kallos-Lilly and she is going to guide us through the steps to have a L.O.V.E. connection!

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

Why is having a plan for your relationship important? Yesterday we talked about the map for your relationship. So today, I want to talk about why this is important.

In therapy, we learn that we all have a need for attachment in our lives. When we have that one relationship that is truly secure, it will take you to the end of time, and you will feel completely different about life. 

Having a fulfilling life while being attached to another person who will be there through thick and thin; it’s you against the world, is what we all crave. All of us! I’m here to tell you this sort of relationship is possible and if you aren’t there yet, we can get you there!

You can connect with Stuart at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com.

People come to see me all the time to get some help with their relationship. I have a map here that I will use on my vacation. It will keep me from getting lost when I am traveling to areas I’m not familiar with.

Many times when you seek help in your relationship, help is sought out from people that don’t have a map. They don’t know how to keep you from getting lost in your relationship.

That’s one of the most rewarding parts of my work - helping couples follow the map to having a fulfilled and very connected relationship.

You can have the relationship that you always dreamed of. It can be the most rewarding relationship of your life, if you look for the map!

You can connect with Stuart at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

How many of you have a plan and a strategy for success in your relationship? Everyone that participates in sports understands having a strategy to win and enjoy success. It takes hard work to achieve success in sports, and also in our relationships.

If you have challenges in your relationship that you need some help with, make sure you find someone to help you that has a strategy for success in your relationship. In business, you need a plan and in relationships, you need a plan. This plan will help you overcome the triggers and challenges you face.

You don’t have to settle for a relationship filled with fighting.

You can get in touch with Stuart at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com.

Relationship challenges can be overwhelming. Realizing that each problem is not the same can bring you some relief. You don’t have to attack each problem separately, which makes it seem like there is so much to fix!

Each of the challenges is just a symptom of a problem. Normally, just a couple of problems. So once you decide to solve the problems as a team, then you get rid of all your symptoms at once.

By addressing that main issue together, then it can make all the other issues seem like no big deal.

If you understand how to deal with the issues,not the symptoms, then you can truly make some progress in your relationship!

Contact Stuart at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com.

What is a map? It helps us understand where you are. It helps you find your way if you are lost. It also helps you know where you are (or should be) headed.

It can be confusing when each partner has a yearning to feel that they are valuable, and connected to the other, but still don’t. Many times people change their physical appearance in hopes of getting the love and attention they want from their partner.

Of course, this is a sad place for your relationship, because it means that love is based on an outward condition, and may be over when the outward appearance changes.

This is why a map is important. You can create a clear plan to have a connection far deeper than anything outward. Having a partner in your life that you are connected to actually changes your life and the science bears it out. You live longer, and have a happier life when you are in a loving relationship. Your entire existence can feel joyful and wonderful, and your outlook on life is more positive, so you are better in every aspect of your life.

1. Establish a relationship that is safe and secure, and each of you view the challenges in the same light. 
2. Establish a relationship where you can share your negative assumptions, interpretations and feelings because you can’t read each others mind. Most importantly, make sure you believe what your partner tells you!

How do you follow this map? Old wounds may surface, and you may get off track. This is where a counselor with the same map can help you stay on track.

Getting caught up in the blame game isn’t helpful. However, when you find your relationship in a vulnerable spot and yet still feel a connection to your partner, it is truly magical.

When you offer your partner a better life and support them unconditionally, then you can experience a connection that is pure bliss!

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

Couples who want to stay connected don't have to sweat the small stuff. There are so many areas of your relationship to focus on, so letting little things "get to you" or arguing over the small things can rob you of the opportunity to stay connected to your partner on a deeper level. Keep that in mind as you go through this week, and enjoy the reward of a deeper connection with your partner!

Today’s episode is about making life matter and restoring passion to your relationship. Bruce Van Horn is a marathon runner writer, speaker, a teacher, and a life coach. He is the host of the podcast Life is a Marathon. His mission is to reach, teach, and empower people to live life with the fullest expression of who they were created to be. In his books, podcast, blogs, retreats, and speaking engagements, he uses words to positively change the world. He writes and talks about living to our fullest potential by telling ourselves stories that empower us and also inspire others. 

By re-storying (Bruce’s word-play about restoring passion, purpose, and vision, Bruce helps businesses and individuals rid themselves of limiting beliefs, counter-productive behaviors, and negative self-assessments and replace those with a  new mindset to unleash their true power.  

Bruce emphasizes the importance of instilling gratitude as the foundation of a positive and happy outlook in life and in relationships. By developing and building a sense of gratitude in every situation, event, circumstance, we are able to see the positive side of our life.   

Daily nuggets of relationship advice in just 3 minutes. Join Stuart today as he discusses the curveballs that life throws at us. We all have them!

We’re in the dog days of summer, and it has been extremely hot here in Scottsdale. Sure, folks say “It’s not bad because it’s a dry heat”, but let me assure you that during monsoon season, it is both hot and humid. So the 110 degrees feels every bit of 110. We consider ourselves survivors to just “make it” in this kind of heat. This sort of environment can add frustration to an already tense marriage. So, that’s why we are talking with Jo Muirhead and John Drury. They are a married couple, whose work includes helping you achieve a balance in your marriage through work/life integration.

Both of my guests are well respected in their own niche, and they come together to share with us what it’s really like to have to live what they teach.  John is a mentor, author, speaker and he’s married to Jo. She’s a rehab counselor out of Sydney, Australia. She helps people return to work after an injury or other challenges that they’ve had. They now have a program for high achieving executives, to help them focus on the work/life balance that seems to be elusive.

Today Jo and John are here to put all the pieces together to help us achieve work/life balance!

In the 66th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast, A Groundhog Day Marriage, Stuart talks about some of the ways in which couples find themselves trapped in their own time warps of negative cycles as Bill Murray was in the movie "Groundhog Day", a story about a man who finds himself trapped in a bizarre time warp which forces him to relive the same day over and over again, making the same mistakes over and over again. Do you find yourself making the same mistakes with your partner day after day, caught in a cycle of negative relationship patterns? Many of us do, and sometimes it is extremely difficult to extricate ourselves from these repetitive actions and words, like trying to get off some evil merry-go-round that just won’t stop! In this podcast Stuart offers some practical solutions on how to get out of negative cycles. 

The accepted medical definition of infertility is the inability for a couple to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after a year of frequent, unprotected sex. In episode 65 of The Couples Expert, Stuart speaks with Erika Labuzan-Lopez about the complicated emotions a couple experiences when one or both partners is infertile.

In the 64th episode of The Couples Expert we talk about how a therapy dog can be the best thing that happens to your relationship. Dogs are known as "man's best friend", well they an also be a best friend to your relationship too.

In the 63rd episode of The Couples Expert Podcast,Listen to Pooh and Love Your Partner with Your Heart, the topic is sexuality and intimacy. What it fundamentally comes down to is finding intimacy not through our parts, but through our hearts. Join Stuart and Jim as they discuss the nature of intimacy, the true meaning of eroticism, and what it means to be passionate.

In the 62nd episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Couples Coping with Cancer, Stuart Fensterheim speaks with Wander Garnder about one of the most devastating events that can occur in a relationship, receiving a diagnosis of cancer. For both patient and partner, the fears and worries of what is to come can be overwhelming.

In the 61st episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Why Couples Should See Someone Trained in EFT, Stuart speaks with Brittainy Wagner of Tidemark Therapy about Emotionally Focused Therapy. EFT is a psychotherapeutic model that was developed by doctors Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg, resulting from intensive research into relationships and how emotions, rather than behavior, are central to our ability to develop meaningful and lasting connections. Taking attachment theory to the next level, the idea is not to change merely how a person acts or reacts, but to help them learn to transform negative emotions into emotions that will motivate compassion, interaction and closeness. Approximately 80% of couples who have experienced EFT have found success in their relationships.

In the 60th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast, Stuart talks to us very personally about why and how affairs happen, focusing primarily on the workplace and the added dilemmas office affairs create. He provides guidance on how to prevent affairs from happening, and what needs to occur at home before the temptation can get out of control. He discusses the choices that a person who is considering having an affair must make, how vital the timing of those choices are, and the consequences that need to be considered.

In the 59th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Gabriel’s Angels – Champion to those Needing Connections Stuart speaks with Pam Gaber of Gabriel's Angels about the most amazing, heart-warming acts that dogs perform every day in saving the lives of abused and neglected children, simply by being their friend.

In the 58th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Ollie the Wonderdog, He Brings Love to Us All, Stuart’s wife Debbie joins him to talk, reminisce, laugh, and rejoice in the wonderful love they have for dogs, and particularly for their adopted dog, Ollie. Ollie is a yellow Labrador Retriever whom Stuart and Debbie adopted from their nearby rescue service for which they serve as regular fosters. He has not only brought incredible joy into their lives, but has made a significant impact on their relationship with each other, and even on their relationships with other members in their community.

In episode 57 of The Couples Expert Podcast, Stuart speaks with Dr. John Robinson, a naturopath physician, who he met in a business meeting a while. Both Stuart and John have a similar mission in finding a method to help people have a relationship where both people feel important and know that the feelings that you have are real and authentic relationships.

The topic of the 56th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast is A Caring Divorce Attorney… Is There Such a Thing? In this episode Stuart speaks with Ryan Claridge, a divorce attorney in Maricopa County, about the divorce process and what to expect if you are contemplating a divorce. Last year, in the state of Arizona alone, more than 24,000 couples divorced, over 16,000 of whom lived in Maricopa County.

In the 55th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Playing Indoors Is Not Just for Kids, Stuart Fensterheim speaks with Julie Wells a marriage and family therapist based out of Irvine, CA. Do you remember, as little kid, how great it was to play games with your best friend, inside on a rainy day? The special bond that those games created between you, the laughter, and the carefree feeling that the rest of the world had just melted away doesn’t have to be a thing of the past. Listen as Stuart and Julie as they talk about the importance of sharing fun time with your partner, rain or shine, weekend or weekday, and how those special moments can fill you both with the wonderful closeness that best friends should and deserve to share.

In the 54th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Can Questions Really Help You Fall In Love, Stuart speaks with Arthur Aron who is best known for his work on intimacy in interpersonal relationships. Is love a guessing game? Or is there a map for helping people have close, connected relationships. Is love something that just happens accidentally or could you fall in love by asking the right questions? Tune in to this episode and find out.

Welcome to the 53rd episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: What Is A Dink Anyway and Do I Want To Be One. In this episode, Stuart interviews Robyn D'Angelo as they delve into the meaning of the word "dink", and the perceived benefits of having a "child-free" relationship.

Welcome to the 51st episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Picking Up Love, Piece by Piece. In this episode, Stuart speaks to us about the incredible possibilities of healing and trust that can come from one true special relationship. And he provides us with some important insights into the power of Emotionally Focused Therapy and how the specific proven techniques of this method can actually help mend past traumas through connectedness, acceptance, trust and love. It only takes one.

Welcome to the 50th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Uncommon Relationships; Uncommon Love. Monogamy, non-monogamy, polyamory, polygamy, polyandry, sex-positive, swinging, open, LGBTQ... What does it all mean? And is it right for me and for my partner? As humans can be identified by their individual fingerprints, so can they identify themselves in absolutely unique and wonderful ways in the worlds of love, sex, and relationships.

Welcome to the 49th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast: Having a Resilient Relationship Using Mindfulness. This episode is particularly special because it involves two couples therapists who willingly share an intimate and revealing conversation not only about what mindfulness is and how it can help everyone to have a better relationship with their partner, but about how it plays into their own lives.

Welcome to the 47th Episode of The Couples Expert podcast: Synergy Equals Loving Deeply. How do you keep all the areas of your life working together? Every relationship has boundaries and expectations; however, when one cannot meet the other's expectations, the relationship starts to crumble. Having synergy in a relationship can help keep it healthy and loving. Join us in our episode with Michael Diettrich-Chastain, LPC, DCC to discuss the path to your relationship's synergy.

Welcome to 46th Episode of The Couples Expert podcast: Valentines Day Is Not For The Faint Of Heart. Have you thought of a special Valentines gift for your partner yet? Every February, we hear a lot about love and valentines and hearts and flowers and kisses. Depending on your relationship status and your state of mind, this is either super exciting or it’s a total downer. Join us in our episode with Renee Segal to discuss what many couples expect during Valentines and how you can make it one of the most memorable for you and your partner.

Welcome to 45th Episode of The Couples Expert podcast: Its all about Playing and Connecting. Connecting with a beloved is one of the most wonderful experiences in life. When we connect with someone we love, loneliness goes away and we feel full of joy within. We yearn for this connection, yet we often find it elusive. Join us  in this episode with Rebecca Wong, LCSW to discuss what playfulness in a relationship can do to support connection with your partner.

Welcome to 42nd  Episode of The Couples Expert podcast: Staying In Love In Spite of the Bumper-to-Bumper Relationship. You think you’ve found your perfect match because the two of you are terrific together, have the same goals and a wonderful romance BUT you both live in different cities due to work, families, whatever, and one or  both have to commute between two cities. If you want to stay in love in spite of a commuter relationship, then join us in this podcast episode with the therapist, speaker, and author of Super Commuter Couples, Meagan Bearce.

Welcome to 40th  Episode of The Couples Expert podcast: Are The Two of You An Angry Scrooge This Holiday Season? There is An answer!  The holiday season can be a time of joy and togetherness or it can be a time of stress, conflict and family tension. If you want to avoid conflicts in your relationships especially during holidays and just fully enjoy it with your love ones, join us in this podcast episode with another relationship expert,  Rachel Moheban-Wachtel,LCSW.

Welcome to Episode 37th of The Couples Expert podcast, What Not To Expect When You're Expecting.  When you have that person in your life and you have both of each other's life, you can do anything. But what happens when one or both of the partner is depressed like experiencing prenatal depression?

Welcome to Episode 35th of The Couples Expert podcast 8 Stages of Successful Relationships by Dr Jessica Higgins.  Join us and discuss the journey of life stages that allow us to understand what goes into a deep connected relationship. 

Dealing with chronic pain is difficult in this episode, we will discuss the common relationship issues that is commonly seen in a relationship where one of the partners is dealing with chronic pain. In this episode, I wser these questions with Jo Muirhead

Welcome to Episode 33rd of The Couples Expert podcast What You Don't Know About Not Arguing May Hurt Your Relationship. Wouldn't you love to feel in-love again with your partner? You can reconnect and rebuild the fun and passion in your relationship but this doesn't just happen by itself. There are specific things you need to do to heal your disconnected relationship. Today in this episode, with Certified EFT, Renee Segal, we are going to discuss the the common causes of this disconnection and effective tips to feel emotionally connected again with your partner. 

Welcome to Episode 31st of The Couples Expert podcast. In this episode, we discuss a common problem that is seen far too often  is the difficulty people have wondering whether its heathy to feel a need for a  relationship. Is needing a relationship unhealthy? Today in this episode I talk about this and the lessens that can be learned from our families. Using my own family as an example at my nephews bar mitzvah lots of lessens were shared. Nathan was wonderful and taught a lessen about love and growing to learn about the importance of listening to the messages from the generations that have come before us..

This is the 30th episode of my series in helping couples to build close connected relationship. In this episode, I will focus on the parenting issues in the family. Though rewarding, it may still be one of the most difficult. With all the responsibilities and pressures in caring for a child, parents are more effective when they work together as a team. With psychologist and parent coach, Mercedes Samudio, LCSW, we will discuss  how to deal with parental challenges, answering why it's easier being a parent when couple are working together.

The final episode in our series on infidelity. This one tackles online infidelity and how to recover from this violations. Get free handbook on this on my shownotes