Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 186 of our show. Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa! Stuart wishes everyone very happy holidays. This year Stuart wants you and your partner to have a holiday season filled with love, togetherness and connection.

Today is a really special episode, because today Stuart is taking everyone on a magical journey today. A special journey of attachment, and acceptance, one of vulnerability and love. Visit a strange land where you will be meeting people as the most authentic version of yourself.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Wearing masks [3:45]
• Recognizing when you are not being your best [5:00]
• Acknowledge your partner’s experience [9:00]
• Open the door to Attachmentland [11:00]
• Stop thinking you have to live up to an expectation [14:00]
• Being authentic [16:50]
• Dig deep and ask yourself questions [17:30]
• Stop surviving, and start living [20:00]
• That place where you are never alone [21:00]
• Qualities of authentic people [26:15]

There is a relaxation that occurs when you are authentic. What are the qualities of authentic people?

1. Are you self-reflective?
2. Are you accepting of yourself and other people?
3. Are you able to express your emotions freely and clearly?
4. Do you make commitments that you live up to?
5. Do you forgive easily?
6. There is a sense of love and giving.
7. We treat people with kindness and respect.

Be yourself everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde

We want to be that person in our partner’s life that they see as their best ally, their best confidant, that wouldn’t hurt a fly. Until next time, Stay Connected

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Next time on The Couples Expert Podcast:

Join us next time as Stuart discusses New Year’s resolutions and whether or not you are a good partner.

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 185 of our show. Today Stuart is talking about boundaries in a relationship. There are many different boundaries that you can set in your life, and your relationship. Today Stuart pulls boundaries apart and helps you to learn how to set healthy boundaries in your relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Are boundaries even necessary in a relationship [1:45]
• Boundaries should be clearly defined [3:17]
• What do healthy boundaries include? [6:43]
• Where are our limit? [8:42]
• Is it ok to have friends of the opposite sex? [9:20]
• How to set limits with your partner [12:02]
• Emotional affairs [15:17]
• Unconditional love [19:10]
• Honesty [20:30]
• Self-control [23:10]
• Looking inwardly [25:25]
• Learn how to forgive [26:30]
• Summary of boundaries [28:10]

Unless your boundaries are clear, direct, and adhered to, your relationship is going to be a challenge. If you have that, your relationship will be one in which both of your feel so good about it and know that you are with that one person in the world that you get to spend the rest of your life with.

Until next time, Stay Connected

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by:  Before You Tie the Knot, 12 Essential Conversations for newlyweds to have. This is an online course with support and direction from The Couples Expert. This course makes a great shower or wedding gift.

Learn More: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/12-conversations/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

This podcast was inspired in part by:

13 Boundaries Your Relationship Needs to Survive, by Ossiana Tepfenhart

Next time on The Couples Expert Podcast:

Join us next time as Stuart discusses authenticity, being yourself and feeling good enough.

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 184 of our show, and it is dedicated to Alvin Fensterheim. Today Stuart is talking about the importance of Father and Son relationships. The relationship between a father and son is one of the most important relationship. This relationship will lead to a good relationship with your spouse.

Stuart’s own Dad passed away almost 1 year ago, and his experience with the loss of that important relationship.  Stuart and his wife went to New York city recently where his Father is buried. Stuart’s family spent time reflecting on his Father, Alvin’s life, and the ending of a year of Shiva.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Love is the absolute most important thing you can share with your family [7:25]
• Teach your son about being a man, in the truest sense [9:45]
• Demonstrate every single day that love is pathways to having a good life [13:55]
• Having shared interests [16:20]
• You should never do anything in your life that you don’t enjoy [17:38]
• Dedication to your family [23:13]
• Negativity about Grandparents needs to be off-limits [23:40]
• Building projects together [25:00]
• Demonstrate to your son, that you care about what they think and feel [26:32]
• As Fathers we need to focus on the positives with our sons [28:00]
• God picked us to be together [30:55]
• We are one family [32:50]
• Spirituality [34:12]

The father and son relationship will establish that both of you feel loved and important. You are lucky to have one another. Those messages echoing back for years and years, makes your relationship really important.

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: The Hold Me Tight Workshop – Presented by The Couples Expert. 2 Days and 7 Conversations that can change your life.

Learn more: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

This podcast is dedicated to Alvin Fensterheim

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 183 of our show. Today Stuart is talking about sexual communication inside and outside of the bedroom. This episode is for couples in a long-term committed relationship, you are there for the long-haul.  This is one of the more difficult discussion for a couple to have, and Stuart will help to make it easier.

Today’s podcast contains adult material, so please use discretion when listening or use your headphones!

Stuart and his wife are currently on vacation in New York city. They are visiting family, enjoy the culture and people watch, as well as visit the 9/11 museum. This is a time they they spend connecting and spending time together without the distractions.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Stop expecting your partner to read your mind [4:10]
• Your job is to keep your partner interested [6:30]
• When you want to talk about your sex life, don’t do it when you want to engage in sex [9:10]
• Give your suggestions both verbally and non-verbally [10:45]
• Talk about your experience [14:00]
• Playfulness [15:30]
• What turns you on? [19:20]
• Communicate your needs [22:30]
• Most men are not interested in having quick sex [23:30]
• No need to fake an orgasm [24:45]
• Steps to have a conversation about sex [26:30]

Sexopoly: https://www.amazon.com/Sexopoly-Adult-Board-Couples-Friends/dp/B0035ETLJY

When you are ready to have a discussion with your partner about your sex life use these steps:

1. Tell your partner how much you care about them.
2. Give them a clear message about what is not working for you. Choose only one area to discuss at this time.
3. Follow up with something positive. Talk about what works really well in your sex life.
4. Suggest that you have the conversation again in the future.
5. Talk about how much you love being intimate with them.

Do not discuss how it went with other partners. This is only about what works for the two of you. You want to discuss this in kind and loving ways. You want to show and tell your partner what you need, to bring the two of you to a pleasurable place. Really make sure your partner knows that who they are is more important than anything else, and that you are lucky to have them in your life. The two of you can accomplish anything as long as you do it together.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: The Hold Me Tight Workshop – Presented by The Couples Expert. 2 Days and 7 Conversations that can change your life.

Learn more: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Until next week, keep working, keep soul-searching and stay connected!

This podcast was inspired in part by:
Conscious Man, by John Grey and Arjuna Ardagh
Jill Donato’s article on Communicating During Sex to Make it Better for Everyone

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast, with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 182 or our show. Today’s episode is full of tools, tips, and Stuart’s pearls of wisdom to create a marriage that will last a lifetime.

Whether you had premarital counseling or not, this episode is to help you to learn how to make your relationship meaningful and significant. None of us get married to be finding ourselves in an empty, lonely relationship. Many times this happens because we don’t really understand what marriage is all about. Tune in today and keep your marriage alive, passionate, and close.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Authenticity and vulnerability 2:40
• You need to have a plan 7:25
• Learning how to communicate with your spouse 10:40
• Triggers 16:45
• 3 main elements of communication 19:40
• How do we learn how to navigate challenges 20:45
• Setting yourself up for having realistic expectations 22:25
• Children 25:45
• You have to work on the trust you have for each other 28:05
• What is going to change with marriage? 30:20
• You have to talk about everything 31:40
• Social media 37:20
• Money and financial planning 39:00
• Sex and intimacy 40:30

The most important thing to remember about your first year of marriage is to enjoy your newlywed status. Also, memorize this: “The first year of marriage is a learning and transitional period for the rest of your life”

During this first year transition, you need to be able to view your conflicts and moments of disconnection as opportunities for growth. What may seem like a complaint from your partner, can be a gold mine to learn what they need.

If you work on all of these things, at the end of the day, you will be able to roll over in bed, look and your partner, smile and say “life is good.”

Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Experts. We hope you enjoyed the show and take away something meaningful to your relationship. Until next time stay connected!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Next week: Join us in two weeks as Stuart talks about how to be accountable to yourself, learning how to communicate both in and out of the bedroom. Until then, stay connected.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast, with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 181 or our show. Today, Stuart talks about the difference in sexual desire.

We come together quite often with different types of libidos, but when we first get together and the passion is there. After a period of time, you settle in with your partner, and reality and the stresses of life hits. We then begin to realize that our libidos are just not the same, and the sexuality diminishes.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Difference between two different libidos [2:00]
• Come up with a sex number [3:00]
• Compromise by broadening your range of activities that are sexual [11:00]
• Talk about how things are going sexually for the two of you [13:00]
• If you have a higher sex drive, you should not take it personally if your partner has a lower libido drive [14:00]
• Do not be critical and negative about your partner [17:00]
• The cuddle hormone [18:10]
• Where is the compromise [20:20]
• Being comfortable with masterbation [21:30]
• You have to be really honest with one another [24:00]

Quote:  “We can either jump on the trampoline, or we can just screw”

4 Tips when you have this sex drive difference:

1. Laughter; laugh about this, not make it as serious as it might feel.
2. Make the relationship the most important thing. You better have a relationship where your partner feels courted every day of your life. You need to stir up those romantic juices that quite often lead to more passion.
3. Instead of complaining about a “dry spell”, divert that sexual energy into other things. Allow your relationship to have ebbs and flows, and don’t let it get in the way of caring and loving of each other.
4. Your sex life is only one aspect of your relationship, and that the two of you, together, are going to make the caring and loving you have for one another more important than any sex act or pattern.

Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Experts. We hope you enjoyed the show and take away something meaningful to your relationship. Until next time stay connected!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Annual Relationship Checkup: Sure, we get our vehicles serviced, have maintenance done on our homes, and see our local GP to make sure our bodies are in good working order, but sadly, we tend to neglect one of the most important things in our lives – the health of our relationship.  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

*Today’s podcast was inspired in part, by Jessica McCleese’s article on Coping with Different libidos, and Michelle Weiner’s Tips for Partner’s with Higher Sex Drives.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast, with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 180 or our show. Today, Stuart talks about loving yourself despite betrayal in a relationship. Stuart will discuss 4 parts in today’s podcast:

1. How do we really define what betrayal looks like in a relationship?
2. What does the hurt look like, feel like, and what is the experience like?
3. What are the long-term consequences of that?
4. How do we recover from those hurts, and how do we move on?

Stuart just returned from a cruise to England, where he and his wife had a lovely holiday connecting and enjoying each other. He also spent some time thinking about this podcast, and specifically this episode.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur Greetings [0:16]
• How do we trust again? [2:30]
• Can we really see ourselves as valuable in a relationship [3:50]
• How do we really define betrayal? [5:50]
• Your partner’s perception of you [14:00]
• Your partner becomes the means with which we define our world [15:15]
• What does the hurt really look like? [18:05]
• Am I lovable?  (Emotionally focused therapy) [22:00]
• Separate yourself [25:00]
• Grieve for the lost relationship, without blame [27:00]
• Finding who you are [29:50]
• Healing from betrayal [33:40]

For many of us there are scars that we bring from our previous relationships. When we come from a significant relationship where there are betrayals, we have a difficult time trusting ourselves and our new partners. We have to find the silver lining. We have to choose happiness.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in June of 2017. 

Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. We have an unusual topic this week; first responders and the importance keeping your connection strong. If you have a first responder in your family, are married to one or have a friend who is, take a listen to the podcast today. First responders are those brave individuals who run towards danger when everyone else is running away. It takes a special kind of grit and purpose to do that kind of work. It also takes a special kind of person to be in a relationship or be married to a first responder. It can be a chaotic, sometimes lonely kind of life. Stuart talks about some of the special challenges associated with being in a relationship with a first responder. Whether they be armed forces, reserve military, police, fire or other emergency services, these special individuals give a lot of themselves to the job. The partners, families and spouses of first responders are some of the most compassionate and flexible people in the world. Listen as Stuart discusses life with a first responder partner and how to keep your relationship close and connected.

What you'€™ll learn from today'€™s podcast:

• How religion can bridge the gap between cultures and the Jewish holiday of Shavuot at 0:57
• Some of the unique challenges for first responder partners at 4:29
• What'€™s needed to have a connected relationship with your first responder 7:35
• How high stress affects first responders at 9:07
• Why checking in is important at 11:43
• Small things that you can do to stay connected at 13:20 Flexibility is important at 15:20

Thank you to all the first responders out there and to the partners that love them! You help make the world a safer place for all of us.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. This is episode 178 of our show. Thank you for joining us today as Stuart talks about something that we will all be facing at one time or another. You may already be there : the impact of retirement on your love relationship. How will you and your partner spend your retirement years?  Listen as Stuart talks about how to cope with this major change in your life and what you can expect while heading into this new phase of living together with your partner.

Stuart just returned from a cruise with his wife. There was some worry and anxiety about going to London after the recent terror attacks there. Deciding not to let the bad guys win, they decided to go and have a great time in spite of the worry. He’s renewed and refreshed and excited to be back bringing you the expert advice you’ve come to expect.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• What it’s like to be retired. Fantasy vs. Reality
• Stuart’s dreams of retirement
• Why couples divorce after 50
• How to stay connected into your golden years
• How retirement will change your life
• Keeping your good health is important
• Retirement lets you do what you want to do
• Make sure you’re connected now

Don’t wait until you retire to do the work on your relationship. It’s not about communication skills as much as making sure that your connection to one another is strong and healthy. Talk and plan together about your hopes and dreams for retirement.  Make sure you’re in agreement and on the same page about what you want to do with this important next chapter in life.

This is the time for you to enjoy the fruits of your labor. You’ve been working for this all these years, and now’s your chance to enjoy those golden years with your loving partner by your side.

You can email Stuart with your comments and suggestions at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Expert. Until next week. Stay connected!

Hello and welcome to this encore presentation of The Couples Expert. This is episode 177 of our show. This podcast originally aired in January of 2017.  

Today Stuart discusses how couples should go about preparing for marriage. If you’re in a love relationship with your partner and you’re planning a wedding, or if you have friends and family that are going to be married, this podcast is for you. Marriage is big step, and The Couples Expert is here to help you set off on the right path to a successful and happy married life.

Stuart welcomes guest and colleague Kelsey Blythe who had joined The Couples Expert staff at the time of this podcast to discuss premarital counseling and issues surrounding getting ready for marriage.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Working on maintaining your relationship is vitally important to a happy marriage 9:50
• Premarital counseling gives you a roadmap to marriage and commitment  17:30
• Emotionally Focused Therapy as the basis for premarital counseling strengthens your connection  19:30
• Having a counselor as a resource in your married life gives you a safety net to solve problems when they come up  25:55

Premarital counseling is a wonderful tool to help prepare couples for married life. You may not know how to bring up difficult subjects, how to approach topics that may be problematic in the future if you don’t address them before you tie the knot.

Doing the deep couples work in the beginning of your marriage will help the two of you to be connected and confident that together you can face anything that life may throw your way. Problems and challenges will come, it’s just a part of life; having a strong foundation in trust and communication will help you to be prepared and to be strongly united to face these challenges as a team. Knowing you have one another to depend on allows you the confidence to face anything together without it threatening to tear you apart.

Our thanks go out to Kelsey Blythe for joining us on The Couples Expert podcast. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to spend with our podcast.

Email Stuart with your comments and suggestions here : podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Join us again next week when Stuart returns with a new episode of The Couples Expert. He’ll be discussing the impact of retirement on long term relationships. How will you handle your retirement years? Are you ready for that?  We hope you’ll join us.

Until then, be prepared, and stay connected!

Welcome to our encore presentation of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This episode originally aired in March of 2017.

This is episode 176 of our show. Stuart’s guest on the show is Marisa Cohen, A professor at St. Francis College in Brooklyn, NY and the Director of the Self-awareness and Bonding Lab. Marisa is an expert in gender differences and science of relationships. Stuart and Marisa will be discussing how online dating impacts couples and what is the possibility that online dating can lead to marriage?

Thanks for tuning into The Couples Expert Podcast!

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Why Marisa changed her focus to relationships in school [3:49]
• Attachment theory IS science- based [5:27]
• How online dating impacts relationships and marriage [6:43]
• What men and women lie about on online dating sites [11:45]
• Online dating sites gives socially awkward people a chance to meet people [14:09]
• People can feel free to be more authentic when communicating online [19:38]
• Marisa’s book and work in the lab on the science of relationships [21:40]

Understanding yourself is crucial to finding a partner you’re compatible with. Opposites don’t really attract, so who does? Marisa’s app covers the questions you need to be asking a potential partner when you’re in the “getting to know you“ phase of the relationship. These are questions about money, pets, religion, etc. The deep stuff that is going to tell you if this is truly someone you want to pursue a relationship with. Getting to forever is about how you communicate with each other.

We want to thank Marisa Cohen for being on the show and for the work she’s doing in New York.  We’d also like to thank you for taking part of your day to spend with The Couples Expert.

Giveaway: Chapter of the book From First Kiss to Forever giveaway from Marisa Cohen for all the listeners.

Stay tuned next week for another encore performance of the podcast while Stuart enjoys his much-needed and well-deserved vacation.

Until then, stay connected

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in May of 2015 so please ignore the contest and the Mother’s Day greetings.  

Hello and welcome to this encore presentation of The Couples Expert Podcast with your host , Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Listen in as Stuart talks about emotional affairs and the impact of these on your love relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Emotional infidelity can be a bigger violation than having sex with another person outside your relationship   [5:18]
• Definition of an emotional affair [12:04]
• When Harry Met Sally “Just going to be friends” [15:05]
• We all crave an emotional connection [16:43]
• When you click with someone who’s not your partner [18:15]
• There are boundaries at work when you’re married  [25:13]
• How we stop the affair and what comes next [31:25]
• There are consequences for breaking your vows [33:25]

The affair has to stop, no question. You have to break off contact with that person. You can no longer spend time with them outside of a professional relationship. Understand that your partner is going to be angry and hurt and show empathy for how they’re feeling. You have to communicate with your partner about the tough issues. You both have to bare your souls to one another and show your partner what you need to feel secure and safe in the relationship once again. Whatever emotional needs were being satisfied by your affair have to be discussed and you both have to work towards meeting those needs for each other within the context of your relationship.

Don’t ask about sexual contact between your partner and that person. Your partner has been calling this an emotional relationship, not a sexual one, so you have to believe that is the truth.

Put a time limit on the amount of discussion you have about the affair. Avoid talking about it when you’re overtired and upset. Things may be said that you’ll regret. It’s hard to forgive and nearly impossible to forget. There’s work to be done on the part of both parties: hard work, unpleasant work, but if you both understand that what you’re working for is the future of your relationship and the emotional connection that was missing, you’ll work harder than you’ve ever done before.

There’s a guide to a true apology available to listeners.

Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day with The Couples Expert. Stay tuned for another encore presentation of our podcast next week. Until then, stay connected!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

This is an Encore Presentation, this podcast originally aired in May of 2015 so please ignore the contest and the Mother’s Day greetings.  

Hello and welcome to this encore presentation of The Couples Expert Podcast with your host , Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Listen in as Stuart talks about emotional affairs and the impact of these on your love relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Emotional infidelity can be a bigger violation than having sex with another person outside your relationship   [5:18]
• Definition of an emotional affair [12:04]
• When Harry Met Sally “Just going to be friends” [15:05]
• We all crave an emotional connection [16:43]
• When you click with someone who’s not your partner [18:15]
• There are boundaries at work when you’re married  [25:13]
• How we stop the affair and what comes next [31:25]
• There are consequences for breaking your vows [33:25]

The affair has to stop, no question. You have to break off contact with that person. You can no longer spend time with them outside of a professional relationship. Understand that your partner is going to be angry and hurt and show empathy for how they’re feeling. You have to communicate with your partner about the tough issues. You both have to bare your souls to one another and show your partner what you need to feel secure and safe in the relationship once again. Whatever emotional needs were being satisfied by your affair have to be discussed and you both have to work towards meeting those needs for each other within the context of your relationship.

Don’t ask about sexual contact between your partner and that person. Your partner has been calling this an emotional relationship, not a sexual one, so you have to believe that is the truth.

Put a time limit on the amount of discussion you have about the affair. Avoid talking about it when you’re overtired and upset. Things may be said that you’ll regret. It’s hard to forgive and nearly impossible to forget. There’s work to be done on the part of both parties: hard work, unpleasant work, but if you both understand that what you’re working for is the future of your relationship and the emotional connection that was missing, you’ll work harder than you’ve ever done before.

There’s a guide to a true apology available to listeners.

Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day with The Couples Expert. Stay tuned for another encore presentation of our podcast next week. Until then, stay connected!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Welcome to our encore presentation of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This episode originally aired in September of 2016.

This is episode 174 of our show. Stuart’s guest today is Alicia Taverner. Alicia is a MFT therapist in CA working with people on trust issues and helping women find the calm within the storms in their lives. Alicia and Stuart are discussing infidelity from a female perspective. Thanks for listening.

Stuart talks a bit about his passion for the work that he does and gives a run down on his past occupations and how he ended up as The Couples Expert.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• Introduction to Alicia and how she became a therapist 7:31
• You can’t go back after an affair, you must start over 11:05
• The differences Stuart has with an attachment theory approach 15:35
• Therapy digs deeper to a place of vulnerability 19:25
• How can you know infidelity won’t happen again? 22:30
• Affairs are not simply sexual 24:03
• Where the apology comes in  30:35
• That moment where the couple believes they can go on together 34:32

Doing therapy work (done the right way) causes personal growth on the part of the therapist. It’s wonderful to know that our counselors can grow in empathy and caring through the work they do with others.

Thank you again to Alicia Taverner for this great interview. Thank you to all the listeners who took time out of your day to listen to The Couples Expert. Tune in next week for another great encore presentation of The Couples Expert. Until then, stay connected!

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 173 of our show. Today Stuart talks about coping with separation issues in your relationship related to work. How do we keep a close and connected relationship with our partners when we don’t get to spend a lot of time together?  Listen as Stuart discusses this important topic.

There are so many fun holidays in July and Stuart wants you to celebrate them all! Aunt and Uncle’s Day, Bugs Bunny’s Birthday and National Chili Dog Day are all happening at the end of this month! What’s your favorite holiday in July?

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Codependency is a healthy part of all love relationships
• The division of labor changes when you’re on your own
• It’s important that you talk about the issues around being apart
• Technology helps us stay connected
• Commit to connecting daily to stay close via email, text, Skype or Facebook
• Make your time together important and focus on your love
• Video chat is great for seeing body language and non-verbal cues
• You shouldn’t try to solve problems when you’re apart
• Make your meetings non-negotiable, don’t miss your good morning/goodnight messages

Make time and make memories when you’re together. Make your relationship important and have some loving date nights when you’re together. When you’re together make sure that you focus on the love you share, and not on the negative aspects of being frequently apart. It’s equally as hard on both of you and it’s a consequence of the choice you’ve both made to live this lifestyle for the time being.  Concentrate on connecting emotionally in a loving way when you are together and make it all about quality not quantity of the time you have together.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Next week on The Couples Expert we’ll be re-broadcasting some of our more popular episodes. Stuart is taking a break from recording for the month of August. Stay tuned for The Couples Expert to return in September with fresh new content and more expert advice on love and relationships.

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert.  This is episode 172 of our show. Today Stuart welcomes guest Allana Pratt to the podcast. Allana is an author and intimacy expert who specializes in helping people to open up and find a place of authenticity within themselves. Everyone has the desire to be heard, to be seen for who they are, and to have the ability to share their true selves with a partner. Listen as Stuart and Allana discuss this very important topic.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Control your thoughts, control negativity 2:49
• Being comfortable within yourself so others can see you 5:50
• Working from the inside out requires no approval  8:34
• The difference between conditional and unconditional self-love 16:45
• How I accept my partner, when I’m not happy with them 18:56
• Awakening the sacred and sexy & the noble badass within 21:55
• Fear of abandonment, of love and lack of trust stay with us 30:19
• Don’t be afraid of the work, the benefits are well worth it 33:21

When you go back and act as your own best friend and relive past events with the right tools and embrace past events and learn the lessons needed, you can let go of pain and hurting and evolve past the pain into who you are and need to be, taking the lesson along with you.

Our great thanks to Allana Pratt for her time and insights. What a wonderful opportunity to hear from her today.  Allana Pratt can be contacted at www.allanapratt.com and through her podcast “Intimate Conversations”.

The Couples Expert is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes. Relationship mentoring from The Couples Expert. Learn More: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Next Week’s podcast is all about how to cope with separation from your love and partner due to work commitments. How do you maintain a close connection when you’re apart? We hope you’ll listen in.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. This is episode 171 of our show. Today Stuart is going to be discussing the impact of lies and deceit on your love relationship.

There’s nothing more uncertain than questioning whether you can count on what your partner is telling you is the truth. Can you believe what your partner is telling you? Is your partner really there for you? What kind of relationship do you have if your partner is lying?

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Trust is the foundation of the relationship 2:38
• Omission is deception 4:07
• Lies mean that you don’t have a true partnership 7:29
• You should be sharing everything together 9:28
• Fear, shame or guilt is the basis for avoiding certain subjects 11:15
• White lies are still lies 15:53

It’s so important that you’re authentic with each other. There should never be a reason that you would deceive your partner in any way. Be yourself, say what’s real and you can be confident that your partner loves you no matter what. The foundation of basic trust is what’s needed in the relationship. We’re all flawed, we all make mistakes. You need to keep yourself open and talk to each other about everything. You shouldn’t need to hide anything from your partner, because the love you have is enough for you to work through anything that may come up.

Talk about everything with each other. No matter what happened in your past, you need to share with your partner. Even your difficult issues from past relationships need to be on the table so that you both know what to expect. Don’t leave things unspoken. An omission is a lie. Your partner needs to know they can count on you to tell the truth.

Sponsored by: The Couples Expert is sponsored by the 2 Days and 7 Conversations Hold Me Tight Weekend. Build communication and connection with your partner in this weekend workshop presented by Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com with your comments and suggestions on this and future podcasts. Stuart loves to hear from his listeners and will respond to you if you take the time to contact him.

Next Week: Join us next week on The Couples Expert when Stuart welcomes guest Alana Pratt. They’ll be discussing how to fall in love with yourself so that you can be a good partner for somebody else. It’s all about love on The Couples Expert. We hope you’ll listen in.

Welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode number 170 of our show. This week, Stuart is joined by guest Mickie Zada, who runs the Surviving Abuse Network. Mickie left her abusive marriage 16 years ago after over 30 years of abuse. She helps women get out of abusive situations and begin to heal.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• We can live in denial of  abuse for a very long time 1:41

• There’s so much trauma that women in abuse hold onto 3:48

• It can all look perfect from the outside. It’s a facade 7:54

• Emotional abuse is dramatically worse than physical abuse 9:20

• Be open with your kids about the abusive behavior to educate them what is right and wrong 11:19

• Shame and guilt are a part of the cycle and why victims don’t talk about abuse in their lives 13:38

• Fear of walking away with nothing can keep women from fighting back 16:40

• Financial abuse - When the abuser is controlling access to the money is a big red flag 17:47

Men are also being abused, there’s so much shame that goes with that. This is not Mickie’s area of expertise, as she deals primarily with women. Perhaps that is a discussion for another time?

Write Stuart with your comments and questions to: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Recovery is possible with a great deal of personal work and personal growth.

“If we don’t change, nothing changes” - Your outlook and perspective have to change so your choices can change. Resist going back to your abuser!

Free support, free information and education is available to learn how to make healthy choices in future relationships. Professionals can help us see who we are. We need the perspective of counselors and coaches to help us see beyond our own experiences.

Thank you so much to Mickie Zada for taking the time to share with our listeners and to all of you for spending part of your day with The Couples Expert.

Contact Mickie at www.survivingabusenetwork.com  

Next Week: Join Stuart next week on The Couples Expert for a discussion about truth and lies. The impact of deceit on your love relationship is huge. Listen in as Stuart discusses what it means to live in an authentic relationship with your partner.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast. Stuart is talking today about a subject you don’t hear much about. It’s an adult subject, so please use discretion when listening or use your headphones! This is episode 169 of our podcast. Listen as Stuart talks about using sex as a weapon or for leverage in the relationship. Have you ever done that? You’d be surprised how many couples do.

Summer is here and we’re all spending more time with our partners and families. Stuart recommends taking couples vacations to spend time and connect with your partner. Work on your relationships and get closer and more connected. Remember how important your intimate life is, and cultivate that.  

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• The impact on couples who can’t be in the same space together 3:44
• You need to examine your commitment if you feel like leaving your shared space  8:03
• Sex is an essential ingredient to a happy and satisfying relationship 9:20
• If you can be satisfied with having an unhappy partner that’s the beginning of a problem 10:54
• Helping you feel loved should be your partner’s passion 13:15
• We all need to be touched and loved; it’s a part of our emotional connection 15:55
• When you’re taking away your partner’s access to you, your relationship is in trouble 17:27

If you are using sex as a weapon it’s a symptom of a far greater problem. The commitment you make in your relationship is to stay together, stay exclusively sexual with your partner and to keep yourself for them only. If you begin to use that aspect of your relationship as leverage to manipulate the relationship, you’re taking something far more important than sex away from your partner.

The feeling that your partner can’t be trusted or you don’t have them to rely on is one of the most painful and lonely places to be in a relationship. Both of you need to be fully committed to working through your struggles and challenges together- Tough it out. Stay in the same room, keep your physical connection and continue to touch and be intimate with each other so you don’t lose that feeling of emotional security and connection to one another.

This podcast is sponsored by: The annual relationship check up! Learn more here about how to evaluate where you and your partner are in terms of satisfaction with your partnership.  https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/

Next Week: Please listen next week as Stuart is joined by Mickie Zada from Surviving Abuse Network. They will be discussing the warning signs of abuse in a relationship. Please listen in to this important topic.

Email Stuart at: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Thank you for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. We hope that you stay close and stay connected.

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 168 of our show. Today Stuart talks about the concept of being in a relationship with your soulmate. Do you need to be with a person you consider to be your soulmate in order to have a close and connected relationship?

Is having a soulmate always a positive thing?  Listen as Stuart explains what it means to have a soulmate.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Definition of a soulmate vs. a life partner  1:12
• Life partners come after we’ve had a few soulmates to grow from 7:37
• Communicating what you need to your partner is crucial 10:05
• We put up barriers to receiving love 15:57
• The two of you can do this together, expect it to work 17:43

It takes true commitment and dedication on the part of both partners for you to succeed. You have to erase all doubt about the outcome, and live and love each other every day . Show love, appreciation and kindness, and above all, communicate. You and your partner have to be able to put a voice to your needs and to be able to have conversations with each other about everything. Understanding each other is crucial to creating the relationship you both desire. The best way to erase doubt and to really know that you’re with your life partner is to work on the relationship every day. You may have had several soulmates in life while you were working on yourself and finding that one person who can be your partner for life!

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: The Hold Me Tight Workshop - Presented by The Couples Expert. 2 Days and 7 Conversations that can change your life.

Learn more: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Next Week: Join Stuart next week for an adult topic: The use of sex as a weapon. Do you or your partner ever use sex as leverage in the relationship? Tune in to The Couples Expert as he delves into this subject with you.

Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Until next week, keep working, keep soul-searching and stay connected!

Hello and welcome to episode 167 of The Couples Expert Podcast. We’re so happy you’ve joined us for one of my (and I hope your) favorite topics. Stuart is ready to tell you all about how to make your partner feel loved and important and so special in your life. The gift that keeps on giving is the gift of birthday sex!  

Stuart is examining being a therapist and dealing w/ individuals with mental health issues. Sometimes clients go off the deep end and it’s scary as a counselor.  In voicing that concern to his wife Stuart and she had a discussion about how he was reacting to the recent crimes in his area involving counselors and how they each saw this issue differently.

Nobody wants their feelings to be discounted by their partner, and you should never assume a meaning from your partner without clarifying their statements. You both need to feel that the other person understands your feelings, and is not discounting them.  You’re on the same side of the issue.  It’s so important that you each know how to share with your partner when you’re disconnected or feeling pulled apart how important they are to you and how much you love each other.

What you’ll learn in today’s podcast:

• In order to make Birthday Sex special you have to have done the work on your relationship the other 364 days as well 5:34
• Sharing your love and passion is electric and exciting when you’re celebrating each other 8:10
• It’s about giving your partner something special and showing them how much you love them on their special day 10:00
• The anticipation of the outcome will be half the fun. So tease and flirt!  12:34
• Plan for what will please your partner the most and make them feel special 17:00
• Make the environment conducive to a relaxed, playful and sexy time 18:40
• Do something out of the ordinary to make it special 20:28

Set aside the stresses and things you’re working on or struggling with in your relationship. Take a break and have some fun. Set up the scenario that will make it meaningful and surprising to your partner and don’t fuss about the little things.

Don’t go to extremes that can create stress such as elaborate surprises or role playing if you’ve never done it. If you have a party, let your partner know that your sexy time will commence as soon as the party ends and you will be the special gift at the end of the evening. Flirt and tease your partner until they are ready to clear the room.  Be creative and have fun, but realize that it’s not simply sex. They need to know it’s all about them and that you love them so much that you want to give them this very special gift on their birthday.  The love that you share is the gift that keeps on giving.

Make them feel how important they are to you all year around.Thank you for joining us on The Couples Expert. Until next time, be surprising, and stay connected.

This podcast is sponsored by  Stuarts Daily Notes . Daily mentoring from The Couples Expert. Learn More: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Next week on The Couples Expert Stuart will be discussing the concept of soulmates. Are you with your soulmate? Do you even think there is such a thing? Listen to the episode and find out.

Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com . He loves to hear from his audience and would like to hear your comments or review of the podcast.

Alex Swire-Clark is Stuart’s Guest on Episode 166 of The Couples Expert Podcast. Alex is a human behavioral and communications expert with a background in education. He’s got some insight to share on a model of human behavior that impacts relationships. Stuart brought him on the podcast to talk about communication issues between personalities in a marriage.

June means that wedding season is in full swing so this episode is rather timely in that the discussion is geared towards communication in marriage. Listen in as Stuart welcomes Alex to to the podcast and they delve into some of these very important topics.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

Defining your role in the marriage/relationship is the challenge 5:30

Personality styles defined DISC 12:22

How personalities interact with others in relationships 16:20

How you complement each other even if you’re opposites 19:00

Communication between the styles both verbal and non-verbal 22:06

Being ignorant of each other’s personality styles can cause problems as we approach and communicate to connect emotionally with our partners. Digging deeper gives us a greater understanding of what we each need in our relationships to feel connected, loved and important to our partners and spouses. As Stuart says, knowledge is power, and these insights are so valuable in teaching us how to approach our partners and communicate in ways they can receive and understand fully our intentions and desires. This can only make your relationship better!

We are grateful to Alex Swire-Clark for taking the time out of his busy schedule to talk with The Couples Expert, and to you, our listeners for taking the time to listen.

You can learn more about what Alex does on his website, therapportadvantage.com where you can also purchase the personality test online.

Email Alex here regarding the DISC quiz.  contact@alexswire-clark.com

Use “The Couples Expert” in the subject line of your email and Alex will send you the guide to defining these personality types for free if you purchase the program from his website.

You can email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com for questions and comments about the podcast.  He loves hearing from the listening audience and responds to all emails.

Next Week: Giving your partner the gift of Birthday Sex. Stuart talks about the special ways we can make our partner feel loved and important. Give the gift that keeps on giving. Tune in next week to hear more.

The podcast is sponsored by: Before You Tie the Knot - 12 Essential Conversations to have before you get married. This 12 week online course will give insight and understanding on what it’s really like to be married and build a life with someone. Learn more about this great resource by clicking the link: https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/tie-knot-12-essential-conversations/

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert. This is episode 165 of our show. Today Stuart is going to talk about a subject that you may be all too familiar with. Shopping meltdowns!!! Ever go shopping with your spouse and it feels like you’re stuck in a chamber of horrors waiting endlessly for your partner to finish shopping so you can just go already?  If this sounds like a feeling you understand, you’ll be right there along with Stuart as he discusses his own shopping meltdowns.  Listen in;  it should be fun, (more fun than the actual experience)!

You are in a relationship with your best friend. Having that one person in the world that you can count on is the best thing in the entire world.  You wouldn’t want to have this journey with anyone else!

Stuart talks about being authentic and vulnerable with your partner in order to have a close and connected relationship. Being in a marriage allows you to be yourself and to be in a safe and secure place where you don’t have to pretend or play a role. Your partner understands you better than anyone. Your partner loves you even on your worst days. That’s such a secure feeling.

Your partner connects with you in a way that nobody else does and together you get to go on that journey called life. That’s the relationship we all hope to have.

Stuart and his wife Debbie do some traveling annually and most of the time they’re on cruise ships sailing to a destination port. Stuart says that going on a cruise is the best way to know what kind of relationship you have with your partner. When there’s nothing but you and the sea, you create and make your own fun. There’s an art and a skill to doing that. That’s a great test to know if you and your partner are well suited to each other.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Shopping is a big draw on the cruise ship 10:19
• When one spouse doesn’t want to shop 12:58
• The shopping meltdown 16:51
• The lesson learned 18:50
• The discussion that needs to happen 21:17
• The message to the listener 24:30
• Planning is important and you can plan in a little sexy fun too 25:51

You want to send the message to your partner that what they care about is important to you. If you’re both doing that for each other then you’re on your way to a lifetime of love and happiness. These shopping stories aren’t going to make or break your relationship, but if you can be prepared to wait while your spouse is shopping with something that can occupy your mind and help pass the time or you can do something fun at the end of the wait, it can surely reduce some of the anxiety and stress that can come along with the waiting.

*** Please Note: If you do play games in the dressing room as Stuart mentions, be careful of privacy and delete photos before they can get shared out on the Internet. Remember that once something like that gets out, you can't get it back. Use common sense and protect your privacy. Have fun!

The Couples Expert podcast is sponsored by the 2 days and 7 conversations Hold Me Tight Workshop. These workshops are a way to help reconnect and learn how to have the conversations you need to have with your partner. You can learn to move forward in a more positive way after the weekend is over. It really can change your life! Learn more about the couples weekend here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Please join Stuart next week as he welcomes guest Alex Swire-Clark, an expert in human behavior and communication. Stuart and Alex are going to talk about personality types, communication and the impact these characteristics have on a love relationship and marriage.

We hope you’ll join us.

Until next time… Wait patiently, shop smart, and stay connected.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week on the show, Stuart is going to discuss the pain and consequences of financial infidelity. This kind of relationship injury has an incredible impact on a couple. Listen as Stuart talks about how financial infidelity can break your relationship, and how to repair it.

Stuart has just returned from his spring vacation with his wife, where he got to unplug from the Internet for a while. It was a great time of connection for Stuart and Debbie and you know what? He didn’t miss that bombardment of information, news and noise for those 6 days at all!  Stuart had been to the resort with a girlfriend before he met Debbie. For some couples this might cause a problem if there were any insecurity in the relationship, but not for them! They’ve enjoyed their time away. Stuart always comes back from vacation with a renewed sense of purpose and more ideas for helping couples connect.

Spending money is harder for some people than for others. Luxury spending can get very expensive. Stuart just had to replace a part on his home A/C unit, and he hated to spend the money ( he says he can be cheap), but needed to get that air conditioning up and running for the Arizona summer heat! The savings on the power bill was worth the cost of the service call for the repair.

Money can be a difficult thing for couples to talk about. So to avoid the conflict, many couples just don’t divulge the money they’re spending. This is where financial infidelity can begin. This is a relationship injury that isn’t widely discussed. Stuart will define this for you and probe a little deeper into the subject.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

Financial infidelity is a major trust violation 8:16

Lies bring up questions about the security of the relationship 10:45

You both need to decide on money matters that affect your lives 13:31

If you’ve spent money and lied, it’s time to come clean 17:40

You should review your financial condition together regularly 21:24

You need to secure the future of your family 24:46

Moving beyond the trust violation 27:06

If your relationship has suffered a trust violation due to financial infidelity, Stuart recommends the following:

Come clean. No punishment. You can’t go back, only move forward. Talk it through and agree to start over with a clean slate and get together on all of your financial issues.

Get rid of separate bank accounts. Get joint accounts and go over the monthly statements together.

Resolve to have honest conversations, give and receive sincere apologies and move forward in the spirit of togetherness and honesty.

You didn’t set out to hurt each other, you have to work on the emotional pieces of your relationship at the same time that you repair your finances.

You are going to have a long road back to recover both emotionally and financially. It might take years, so you have to be prepared to do that work on the repair the relationship and on the finances.This can mean making a budget and monitoring it monthly. Get help from a financial expert and from a couples expert.  Let love be the guiding force in rebuilding the trust and security both financially and emotionally.

Sponsored by: Before You Tie The Knot -  12 Essential Conversations to have before you marry.  This online course is recommended for anyone who is getting married.  http://beforeyoutietheknot.thecouplesexperts.com

Email Stuart at: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Next Week : On the heels of this episode about financial infidelity, we’re going to a shopping nightmare next week!  There are shoppers, and then there are shoppers . Join us on The Couples Expert next time when Stuart explores The Curse of the Shopper’s Husband! It’s going to be fun.We hope you’ll listen in.

Until next time, remember to be honest and thrifty, save and spend wisely, and stay connected!

Welcome to The Couples Expert podcast! This is episode 163 of our show. This week’s topic is about the joys and challenges of keeping a close and connected sexual relationship as we age.

Our bodies will continue to change over time, and no matter how emotionally connected we are to our partners, the process of aging can introduce doubts and insecurities into our intimate life.

Listen as Stuart tackles this important subject today.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Sexuality in the early relationship and the impact of children 4:36
• The effects of aging on your bodies 10:52
• If you don’t make it important enough,  the physical touch and intimacy is lost 13:09
• You’re never too old to be sexual with your partner 15:01
• When physical issues interfere with sexual activity 16:35
• Scheduling sex may become necessary  18:03
• Suggestions for help and how to talk about these problems 25:29

It’s crucial that you discuss your sexual issues without reservation. This is the best friend that you’ve been with and cherished for so long. You have all of this history, love and passion that you’ve shared over the years. You can and must talk to each other as time goes by. The evolution of your sexual relationship is an integral part of this. Use the tools available to help in the form of lubricant products and pharmaceuticals. If you address complications and challenges (such as your physical limitations) together, it’s absolutely possible that you can modify your sexual activities as you age so that you can continue to enjoy sex together well into advanced age.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes. Daily mentoring from The Couples Experts. Register here : https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/  

Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com  - He would love to hear from you with your suggestions, comments and questions.

Next Week: Thank you and join us next week for a less sexy but very important subject. Stuart tackles the topic of financial infidelity. We hope you’ll listen in.

Until next time, keep it sexy, and stay connected!

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 162 of our show. This week Stuart welcomes Lauren Selfridge to the podcast. Lauren became interested in becoming a therapist after being a lifelong client of therapy. She wanted to be a couple’s therapist.

While in school she began to have symptoms of what she later learned was Multiple Sclerosis.

Lauren is joining us to talk about a topic that is important to a lot of people, that of having a loved one with a chronic illness. She had to learn to live with this illness while training to be a therapist.

Stuart has a personal connection with this topic as his daughter has had medical issues throughout her life and he’s been very open about talking about what living with someone who has medical issues and the impact on family and relationships.

Poem: Welcome to Holland http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

What you’ll learn about in today’s podcast:

• Lauren’s journey has helped her to be a better therapist 10:56
• How talking about chronic illness is important in a couple’s relationship 14:07
• When one of you is ill and you can’t participate in activities you love 16:09
• It’s about the attitude and the experience 18:17
• Chronic illness will show you who you really are  22:24
• You are not your disease 23:44
• Navigating emotions and illness in a relationship is tricky 24:22
• Doing the work early in the relationship makes it better when the challenges come 26:12
• Suggestions for couples dealing with health challenges 32:27

It’s so important to separate the person from the illness and for each partner in the relationship to realize that there’s a lot of guilt and shame that comes if they’re feeling like they brought the illness into the relationship vs. both partners are united in battling the challenges together as a unified team. This distinction helps for couples to remain close and connected and allow them to give each other space to talk about how they’re feeling about the challenge.

Each person should be able to express how the changes affect them , the fears and concerns they have and hopefully through doing this gain a deeper insight into how each of them are feeling about what both are going through.

We want to extend our thanks to Lauren Selfridge for being on the podcast this week. You can learn more about Lauren and listen to her podcast “This is Not What I Ordered” here : https://laurenselfridge.com/

Getting The Love You Want book and workshop recommended by Lauren Selfridge https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001  

The Couples Expert is sponsored by: The Annual Relationship Check up! There’s a way for you to do an evaluation on just where you are in your relationship right now. https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/

Next Week: Join Stuart next week when he tackles another health-related topic of genuine concern for couples: That of sexuality as we age. We hope you’ll listen in.

Email Stuart at:  podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Until next time, stay connected!

Hi and welcome back to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week’s topic is “One foot out the door and how to fix it.”  This is episode 161 of our show. The meaning behind the title, as you will soon see, is more about being fully invested in your relationship. When you’re all in as in poker, you don’t leave yourself an “out.” That’s what Stuart will be discussing in this very important podcast episode today.

See Stuart’s Facebook Live on the gratitude he has for all of you that listen to the podcast. Thank you for taking the time to listen in. He recorded the Live on April 18, 2018.

Stuart talks about how he has recommitted to his faith since his Dad passed away and has joined a men’s group through the temple.

He had an opportunity to honor his Dad’s memory by reading from the Torah at a service in the synagogue. Stuart and Debbie were invited to a Kentucky Derby party at a friend’s on Cinco de Mayo, which is the same Saturday as the service in the temple.  He thought hard about the conflict and prayed about it and decided that it was more important to him and his relationship with his wife to spend that Saturday with Debbie and their friends, making the relationship more important than anything else. After all, he’d already bought the hat!  

Stuart will continue to honor his Dad in his religious practice, but felt that Dad’s emphasis on the importance of family and relationships warranted his staying with Debbie for this social event that means so much to them. Stuart made the choice to devote the time to his relationship with Debbie and choosing love.

What you’ll learn from today’s episode:

• Nothing matters more than your relationship 8:46
• Feeling alone in a struggling relationship is a terrible place 11:09
• The foundation has to be built to move forward 15:56
• Begin to talk about the things you need to do to feel the connection you’ve lost 20:02
• Be invested, be romantic, take it one day at a time. Show that commitment every day. 22:24

It’s so important to set aside time that’s special just for the two of you. Start courting your partner, call or text them during the day. Think about them when you’re apart. Begin to do things together like you did when you were dating.  Go along and don’t complain. Make it about sharing fun times with your partner and making it a good experience for them. Ask more frequent questions about how they’re doing and feeling. 

Take a look at yourself and work on those things that might be causing problems for the two of you. Those things you can change within yourself. If you’re overcommitting time with kid activities, back off a little and schedule couples time as a priority.

Date, flirt and play together and make it romantic. Get away together and just have fun and be sweet to each other, make it about having an emotional connection together. Special time together is so important. Have you gone all in?

This podcast is sponsored by: The 2 Days and 7 Conversations workshop presented by The Couples Expert. Learn more here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/  

Email: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Stuart would love to hear from you with reviews, comments and suggestions for future podcasts.

Next week: Lauren Selfridge will be Stuart’s guest on The Couples Expert. They will be discussing, love, relationships and chronic illness. We hope you’ll listen in.

Until next time -  Go all in with each other and stay connected!

Hi, and welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 160 of our show. Thank you for listening today as Stuart welcomes guest Jim Thomas back to the show. They will be discussing social media and some of the pitfalls of getting connected through the Internet and the impact of that on your life and relationships. Listen in as Stuart and Jim discuss this very important and timely subject.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• Tech advances allow access for everyone, worldwide even those people in remote places 4:34
• Being conscious of where you go online and how it impacts you, feeds or frustrates you can make all the difference 8:41
• How we influence each other and ourselves online? 11:25
• How the intensity of what we’re bombarded with reminds us how fragile we are as humans 16:15
• When everything is on Facebook nothing is private! 17:42
• When phones are present we lose our ability to empathize and communicate in real time by 40%  22:48
• The power of balance in using devices 28:36

Use those devices to build connection. Check and inventory your usage on a regular basis so that you know how far into the habit you are getting. You need to be aware of the place these devices have in your life. How often do you check your phone? Do you have it with you always?  

Pain or loneliness of isolation comes from you and your partner spending too much time on your devices, instead of connecting in the real world.

Curiosity can lead into infidelity easily because you’re getting a connection that you’re craving and you may not be receiving from your partner. You can get close to someone before you know it. Online affairs happen that quickly. The flirtation you have with someone, even if you intend no harm is a big deal in your marriage. You can get so heavily involved and really sucked into virtual connections.

If you feel that your partner is too distracted by devices, you can speak up and ask your partner to put that device down and connect directly with you and avoid the possibilities of reaching out to the wrong person.

It’s just too easy to get online, get distracted and excited in a way that leads to a habit. We all need to be aware and cautious about it. Try a cellphone free evening or a day of the week that you connect face to face without your phone and devices. Make it important in your life to have these REAL emotional connections with the people you love and avoid the pitfalls of inappropriate virtual connections.

Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Stuart loves to hear from you!

We’d like to thank you for joining us and Jim Thomas for being our guest on The Couples Expert.  Learn more about his work at www.jimthomas.care

Please join us next week when Stuart will talk about the need for total investment in your relationship with I’m One Foot out the Door, and how do we fix it?

Thank you for spending part of your day with us here at The Couples Expert Podcast. Stay Connected.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by:  Before You Tie the Knot, 12 Essential Conversations for newlyweds to have. This is an online course with support and direction from The Couples Expert. This course makes a great shower or wedding gift. Learn More: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/12-conversations/

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 159 of our show. This week’s topic is the Power of Love.  Do happy endings happen?  Is there such a thing as happily ever after? It can sound a bit trite, but as Stuart will discuss, love is one of the most powerful forces in our lives. When we’re in the right place emotionally and in the right relationship with our partner, that love can be unstoppable!

Listen in as Stuart shares about real experiences that show that true love can win just like in the storybooks.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• You can have it all together but you both have to want it and work for it 1:02
• The emotional bond you have together gives you as a couple the confidence to conquer anything life throws your way 2:39
• The connection between you is what’s important  3:46
• The story of Stuart’s personal crisis and triumph 5:15
• Why some couples pull apart and others pull together 6:49
• It’s the little things you say and do every day cementing your bond 8:15
• It’s not always easy to obtain, you have to put in the work it takes 11:20

You and your partner need to understand each other’s communication style and emotional needs. You know when they’re triggered and what they need from you when that happens. It’s not automatic. You both need to work on this daily to show each other in the small ways who important and valued you are. You both are authentic, vulnerable and raw together. When it really counts, when things are bad, that’s when the rubber meets the road and you can show that you HAVE done the work. You will be there for each other, team up and meet any crisis or struggle as a united partnership. Crisis doesn’t have to pull you apart. When you’ve cemented your bond together and you feel secure, a crisis can make you even stronger on the other side.

You need to talk about everything, never give a cold shoulder or a silent treatment. Find out where you and your partner need work and start today by showing appreciation, respect. Dedicate yourself to strengthening your connection. Have date nights and adventures together. Spend time together and share activities that you enjoy. Don’t turn down opportunities to spend time sharing experiences that will strengthen your bond. Explore ways that you can know each other better and learn more about how to connect on a deeper level. Find out what your partner needs to feel loved and more important in your life. Do those things.  Take the first step now, today. Make your relationship a priority today. Make that important commitment to yourself and to your partner today.

Thank you for joining us today!

Listen next week as Stuart tackles the subject of financial infidelity.

Email Stuart at: podcast@thecouplesexpert.com

Sponsored by Stuart’s Daily notes. Daily relationship mentoring for couples. Subscribe here : http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 158 of our show. This week’s podcast is so much fun. Stuart’s guest is author Amy Lyle. While Amy is not a couple’s expert, she brings a fresh take to our podcast with her Book of Failures and her unique and humorous perspective on love and relationships.

Amy was restless in her stay at home mom role so she took a job with a non-profit and began writing. A self-described “Domestic Disaster”, her new book talks about how everything has a humorous side and your attitude is what matters. Her experience as a mom and wife gives her a layperson’s take on love and relationships.

What you’ll learn on today’s podcast:

• Amy’s background and what prompted her to write her book 5:30
• How we define failure 11:45
• Where you find the humor 15:26
• Our kids are embarrassing 23:26
• Humor is therapy 33:18

Stories make us feel better help us relate, and the more embarrassing it is, the more people can relate. If we’re going to present ourselves as authentic in our personal and professional lives, we can use our embarrassing moments as a way of being grounded and humble. Don’t be afraid to be who you are!

How to get Amy’s book at Amazon.com : https://www.amazon.com/Amy-Binegar-Kimmes-Lyle-Book-Failures-inadequacies-ebook/dp/B072J3327X/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

The Failures of My Friends is the next project Amy is working on and she would love to hear your biggest failure. You can send it to her, and maybe it will be included in the next book.

Amy’s Website: www.amylyle.me

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amy.lyle.56

and Twitter: @amylyle

You can subscribe to The Couples Expert on itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexpert.com

The Couples Expert Is Sponsored By: 2 Days and 7 Conversations, Hold Me Tight workshop. This couples weekend can change your relationship for the better in just 2 days.  Learn more here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Next Week: Next week Stuart will be talking about the power of love in overcoming emotional pain and how having a strong emotional connection with your partner allows you to face any challenge together.

Until next time, keep finding the funny in your lives and stay connected.

Hi, welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast. This is episode 157 of our show. Thanks for joining us. Listen today as Stuart talks about the challenges that couples face when there’s a large age difference between them. Love happens when we least expect it and sometimes you fall in love with someone who is much older or younger than you are. Love happens!

Stuart tells about a couple who contacted him after he had stopped seeing in counseling. They reached out to him to ask him to officiate in their wedding ceremony. Stuart is an ordained minister in addition to being an LCSW and was honored to receive this request. The couple had struggled with commitment issues and had stopped coming to counseling and he was so gratified and happy to hear that they were now engaged to be married. That’s some great feedback for a couple’s counselor! It means that the couple has taken what they learned in counseling kept working on it, and applied it to the real world situations of their relationship so successfully that now they want to make their union official!

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• We love whom we love, they don’t always meet our expectations 6:57
• Sometimes there might be one or two generations between partners 9:23
• Social norms about marriage have changed in the past decades 10:22
• What couples with an age gap have to contend with in the present and future 11:07
• You need to share things as a couple and what do you have in common to share? 15:15
• There’s a risk that the relationship takes on a parental tone when one is much younger 17:00
• Some of the ways to cope with this gap are through openness, acceptance and strong communications regarding issues of your differences; and finding your commonalities.  17:34

You have to discuss everything that has to do with the future. The length of time you’ll be together and plan for healthcare, end of life care, financial issues, family and children. Avoid the excuse and pitfall of attributing all your troubles to the age difference. It’s simply stuff that couples all have to deal with so you can’t blame it on age.

What’s important is to find that one person in the world for you and if they happen to be much older or younger, so be it. You’ll have some hurdles and obstacles that other couples might not, but if you’re fortunate enough to have that great love , isn’t it worth it? I think it is!

The Couples Expert podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes is relationship mentoring via email. 5 minutes a day can improve your connection. Subscribe here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Email Stuart: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Next Week on the Couples Expert:  Stuart’s guest will be Amy Lyle. Her Book of Failures is a funny and relatable read. Listen as they talk about relationship fails. It’s going to be a fun show. We hope you’ll join us.

Until then, remember, age is just a number; it’s the person who matters. Stay Connected!

Hi and welcome to Episode 156 of The Couples Expert. Our podcast today is something that most couples will relate to. When the source article for this topic came out there were over 4,000 comments and it was widely shared throughout social media. That’s not necessarily a prerequisite for Stuart to choose a topic, but this particular topic resonated with so many people that he decided to go ahead and use it for the podcast this week.

When wives feel like they do a dual role as wife and mother to their spouse it can become problematic. When Stuart ran this one past his wife, and asked her if it was an issue in their home, Debbie’s response was laughter and agreement. She had a list of things that helped Stuart understand that this is a topic relevant to a lot of couples.

When spouses and partners feel they’re filling a parental-type role within the relationship, it’s hard to see their partner as an equal and the relationship suffers not only in the communication aspect but also in their sexual relationship. This podcast today is about getting connected back into an equal footing in your relationship and losing that feeling of having to have a parental role in the relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• The gender gap between men and women is a real thing 7:28
• Your partner wants an equal in the relationship. THAT is sexy 10:24
• How you can help each other with a true give and take relationship 14:16
• Nothing should be more important than your relationship 18:27
• You should be excited to help one another 19:37

If your wife was your little sister, would you be excited that they were married to someone like you? If the answer is no, then you have some work you need to do. You can be the partner that your partner deserves. You can change your ways and have a more equal partnership starting now.  

You both work hard to provide what you each need and for your home and family. Keeping that in context and in balance means it’s not always equal or 50/50. Often it means one gives more, but that doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. Go out of your way to tip the scales in the other direction and let your partner be on the receiving end of your concern and care. Do something just to make him happy, just to give her a break.

This podcast is sponsored by: 2 Days and 7 Conversations Hold Me Tight Workshop. Register now: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/  Learn what you need to have a close and connected relationship with your partner. The Couples Weekend workshop is booking now for May 2018.

Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Stuart would love to hear from you with your reviews, comments and suggestions.

Subscribe on iTunes: Gain access to the entire archive of The Couples Expert Podcast. Subscribe here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Next Week: Join Stuart next week as he discusses the issues surrounding age disparity in sexual relationships. We hope you'll tune in.

Thanks for spending part of your day with Stuart Fensterheim, The Couples Expert. Until next time, help each other and stay connected!

Hi and Welcome to The Couples Expert with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 155 of our show. This episode is about preparing for marriage and the issues that come up for couples when they’re planning to make this important step to take their relationship to the next level. We don’t know what we don’t know, so premarital counseling and training is very important.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Whether marriage is the next natural step for you [2:23]
• You need to be confident that you’re making the right choice [3:30]
• Marriage is more than a piece of paper [5:19]
• Divorce shouldn’t be an option in your mind [6:26]
• The conversations you need to have before you marry [10:35]

You need to discuss those subjects such as finances, religious practice, family planning, pets, your in-laws, and how you’ll spend your time. Talk about your communication style. How do you handle conflict?  Monogamy and sexual practices are all necessary for couples to discuss while planning your wedding or moving in together.

Whatever is important to you individually or as a couple, are the things that you need to discuss. These discussions should happen as you are planning your wedding. Then after you’re married you need to revisit them periodically. Life together evolves and changes as your circumstances change.

Don’t let the challenges or surprises throw you. Make sure you keep each other in the loop, talk about everything and be on the same page always.  If you do that you can weather the storms and struggles together.

The Couples Expert is sponsored by: Before You Tie the Knot, 12 Essential Conversations The Couples Expert premarital program. This is a 12 week course that will help train and prepare you for a successful marriage. Sign up here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/12-conversations/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: stuart@thecouplesexperts.com   Please send your reviews, comments and suggestions. Stuart would love to hear from you!

Thank you for spending part of your day with Stuart The Couples Expert. Until next time, do the planning, do the work and stay connected!

Hi and thanks for joining us for The Couples Expert with your host, Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 154 of our show. This week, Stuart is going to give you a course in arguing with your partner. Not that you should, but everyone does at one time or another. Listen to Arguing 101, a guide to fighting with your partner. Yes, you heard that correctly!

Conflict will come up in daily life for all couples (even The Couples Expert). Stuart describes somethings that came up for him and his wife the other morning and how they worked through it.

Don’t be surprised when this happens to you and your partner. This doesn’t mean you don’t love each other or have a healthy relationship. The indicator of a healthy relationship is the way you resolve the conflicts and use those experiences to move your relationship forward in a loving and connected way.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Fighting is not the issue, it’s about repair [8:25]
• Fights are inevitable but they can improve your relationship [11:58]
• Recognize where the triggers come from [17:59]
• How successful couples do it [21:17]
• Ground rules for arguments from The Couples Expert [23:23]

Hi and welcome to episode 153 of The Couples Expert with your host The Couples Expert Stuart Fensterheim. Stuart brings you a topic that he’s had come up lately in his counseling practice: The idea that your sex life is not a porno movie. Are your expectations about sex with your partner realistic or do you expect your sex life to be like a porno movie?

Listen as Stuart discusses sexuality and expectations on today’s Couples Expert podcast.

Even the Couples Expert has expectations about sexuality that may not be realistic. Sex is affected by all sorts of outside circumstances: aging, our physical limitations and our expectations can be completely different from what normal healthy sexuality is in a long term relationship.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• The sex industry is huge, you can find anything you want to see 3:08
• Sex addiction is rampant and rivals any hard drug 4:00
• How is porn affecting your relationship? 5:14
• The gender divide in how porn is viewed 7:29
• We have to realize it’s not always fireworks and mind blowing sex 11:40
• Porn actors are not real people! 15:00 
• Porn sex vs. Real sex on YouTube link below 16:50

It’s great if you want to watch porn together and talk about it. Note the things that excite you and things you want to try. It’s all about what you both want. You both get to choose what the rules are. If your partner doesn’t feel comfortable trying something then you need to respect that.

Whatever your choices are, you both have to agree. IF your partner is into porn and you’re not comfortable with that you need to discuss it. If you can be open-minded about having a fantasy life and role playing or trying new things you just might broaden your horizons and spice up your intimate life. There’s nothing wrong with you and your partner experiencing new things sexually and being adventurous, just make sure that you both are okay with it.

Avoid being secretive or indulging in sex acts or porn fantasies that your partner doesn’t participate or is not aware of. This is venturing into infidelity and betrayal. Both of you have to be open and honest about what you’re doing sexually.

Sex addiction is no joke. If it’s an issue get help for the addiction before you try to save your relationship. See the resources on our website http://www.thecouplesexperts.com/resources

The point is to have adventures, being open and excited to share new things and explore your sexuality together, keeping your emotional connection strong.

Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Experts. We hope you enjoyed the show and take away something meaningful to your relationship. Until next time stay connected!

Free Giveaway:  Connecting with your partner isn’t always easy. Here are tips on How to Talk About the Hard Stuff.

Click here to Access the Free Giveaway

Next Week: Join us next week for Arguing 101 - We all argue, that doesn’t mean that we’re not happy or in love. Stuart will be talking about what triggers us and how to fight for your relationship not against your partner.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Subscribe and change your relationship in 5 minutes a day with a video sent to your email inbox. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Stuart’s Daily Notes can help you too!  http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-couples-expert/id951362894?mt=2

Email: Stuart would love to hear from you. If you have a comment, review, or suggestion for a topic Stuart can tackle in the future, please email him at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Real sex vs. Porn sex: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q64hTNEj6KQ&feature=youtu.be

This is episode 152 of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim.  Today, Stuart is speaking today about the ghost of our past relationships that continue to haunt us and how to exorcise them from our lives.

We can tend to get into patterns that repeat; we get stuck in these ways of interacting in relationships that are a carryover from the past. Listen as how Stuart shows us how to get rid of those ghosts that haunt us and to live in the moment, in the present with our partners and to break those patterns so they can no longer harm us.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

Where the triggers come from in the past 2:45

You can understand the pattern and change it 5:20

When you believe the lies of the past they can stay with you 7:23

You deserve to have the loving relationship you desire 10:00

You have to get rid of the ghosts that block your connection 12:12

A guided exorcism by your Jewish, counselor exorcist 17:25

We know in our heads that our partners don’t want to hurt us; it’s those voices in our heads from our pasts that are the enemy. Sometimes you just need some distance; a time out to cool off so that you can come back together calmly later on and talk about what is triggering you. You have to be a team to unite against those ghosts that threaten your security and happiness.

When you pull together and show love, you can defeat the patterns and change them. You must be willing to become vulnerable together and share what’s happening in the moment.  The good news is that you can move forward living mindfully in the present with the one who loves you most in the world. The two of you united fight the negativity of the past together. The life you create together overshadows those ghosts of the past.

The Couples Expert Is Sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes: Get some free advice from Stuart sent directly to your email inbox. These gems can help you improve your relationship today! http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/

Next Week: Please join Stuart next week when he discusses sexuality and the impact of pornography on expectations surrounding your sex life.

Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Thank you for spending part of your day with The Couples Expert! Until next time, stay connected.

Today on episode 151 of The Couples Expert Podcast, Stuart is going to talk about what moves him to help couples. The type of counseling that he does is called Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT. Stuart is going to talk about what EFT is all about and how it helps couples and families feel more connected and learn how to meet each other’s attachment needs; what they need to feel loved and important to one another. You should only seek help for your relationship by a counselor that uses this EFT model and subscribes to an attachment based theory. All relationship problems are attachment based problems, lack of emotional connection, the behavior is only a symptom.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Emotionally Focused Therapy & The Gottman Method use the EFT process
• (an attachment model) for counseling couples   [3:42]
• What is EFT and why it’s unique in counseling [6:45]
• EFT techniques are used to reframe negative patterns and then change the conversation   [8:00]
• How negative patterns affect how we view our partners [13:30]
• EFT is research and science based with high success rates and measurable results [16:40]
• The goal is to learn the language of attachment [20:07]
• Identifying and addressing the cycle you’re in with your partner [22:55]

This is episode 150 of The Couples Expert Podcast. Stuart's topic today is romance and Valentine's Day. This episode, is about the other 364 days of the year where you have an opportunity to be just as romantic as you would on Valentine's Day.

Romance is not about Valentine’s Day! You don’t love your partner only on February 14th. If that’s the only day you’re showing love to your partner, there’s something terribly wrong! Listen as Stuart brings you some valuable insight into romancing your partner all throughout the year.

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. This is show #149. We’re so glad you’ve chosen to join us as we talk about love and connection. Stuart’s topic today is the importance of family celebrations. You may wonder what that has to do with your love life or relationship. Stuart believes that the family connections we keep teach our children to model healthy love relationships in the future, and that having a strong bond with your siblings and parents, cousins and elders is extremely important.  Listen as Stuart discusses the importance of coming together for family celebrations.

Stuart is celebrating this month because not only is February the month of love and romance because of Valentine’s Day, his youngest daughter is turning 21! That calls for a family celebration. We all need to take the time to come together to celebrate the all important milestones of life. Make every day count and celebrate life. Time is shorter than we realize and it passes oh, so quickly.

This is episode 148 of our show. Stuart's guest today is Vicki Hadfield, also known as The Happiness Ambassador and Love Lifter. She and her husband Richard have developed a program surrounding "The Supportive Spouse." It’s all about having happiness in your home and your relationship with your partner, and that is Stuart’s goal too. Listen and Stuart and Vicki discuss what it means to have (and be) a supportive spouse and stop the nitpicking and bickering that we sometimes do with our partners.

In episode 147 of The Couples Expert Podcast, Stuart is discussing a troubling topic today; infidelity.

All of Stuart’s work centers around creating and maintaining healthy couple relationships. He believes that this is truly the cornerstone of a healthy society as a whole. Healthy relationships passed down from parents who model them for their children create generations of healthy relationships and a healthier society overall. Infidelity, whether it be sexual, emotional or even financial in nature, breaks down the connection and the trust that’s needed to keep the relationship healthy and happy. It’s his belief that infidelity causes some of the most severe relationship injuries that exist.  

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Infidelity destroys families and destroys connections [4:03]

• Infidelity creates personal emotional trauma [10:20]

• Men and women approach infidelity differently [14:22]

• Strip clubs, massage parlors and prostitution are a factor [16:24]

• Reasons why men cheat [18:05]

• Women have different reasons to cheat  [22:02]

• A return to attachment is needed [23:03]

The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 146 of our show. We’re so happy that you’re here with us for the show. Today Stuart is discussing an all too common scenario for couples: When two people in a committed relationship end up living like roommates instead of lovers.  Listen in while Stuart addresses this familiar problem.

The wakeup call of a heart attack in your relationship might be the catalyst, the very incentive you need to realize that you need some help. Use this wakeup call as a jumping off point to begin changing your interactions and improving your relationship. This wakeup call can put you on the path to having a stronger and healthier relationship than you’ve ever had before.

Don’t let yourself become so comfortable that you ignore the warning signs. You need to be aware when there is something to be alarmed about. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to make a difference to the future of your relationship. You can take this moment of anxiety and worry and turn it into a future filled with joy and love. Who wouldn’t want to do that?

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert Podcast with Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 144 of our show. Today Stuart is going to help you answer a question that you may be struggling with: Can my marriage be saved? If you’re asking yourself that question we’re here to help. Please listen as Stuart discusses how to know if your marriage needs saving and the steps to go about making that happen. The good news is that it can be done.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• What it means to be “saved” 2:30
• The things that get in the way of connection 6:10
• You save your marriage every day by being the best partner you can be 9:29
• Your partner needs to hear how you feel, so don’t wait, you may not get another opportunity 11:28
• It’s a journey, not a quick fix , your commitment to the process decides how long it will take  18:00
• Be aware of the warning signs and celebrate your successes  19:52

Click to read the full show notes.