Hi and welcome to The Couples Expert. This is episode 165 of our show. Today Stuart is going to talk about a subject that you may be all too familiar with. Shopping meltdowns!!! Ever go shopping with your spouse and it feels like you’re stuck in a chamber of horrors waiting endlessly for your partner to finish shopping so you can just go already?  If this sounds like a feeling you understand, you’ll be right there along with Stuart as he discusses his own shopping meltdowns.  Listen in;  it should be fun, (more fun than the actual experience)!

You are in a relationship with your best friend. Having that one person in the world that you can count on is the best thing in the entire world.  You wouldn’t want to have this journey with anyone else!

Stuart talks about being authentic and vulnerable with your partner in order to have a close and connected relationship. Being in a marriage allows you to be yourself and to be in a safe and secure place where you don’t have to pretend or play a role. Your partner understands you better than anyone. Your partner loves you even on your worst days. That’s such a secure feeling.

Your partner connects with you in a way that nobody else does and together you get to go on that journey called life. That’s the relationship we all hope to have.

Stuart and his wife Debbie do some traveling annually and most of the time they’re on cruise ships sailing to a destination port. Stuart says that going on a cruise is the best way to know what kind of relationship you have with your partner. When there’s nothing but you and the sea, you create and make your own fun. There’s an art and a skill to doing that. That’s a great test to know if you and your partner are well suited to each other.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Shopping is a big draw on the cruise ship 10:19
• When one spouse doesn’t want to shop 12:58
• The shopping meltdown 16:51
• The lesson learned 18:50
• The discussion that needs to happen 21:17
• The message to the listener 24:30
• Planning is important and you can plan in a little sexy fun too 25:51

You want to send the message to your partner that what they care about is important to you. If you’re both doing that for each other then you’re on your way to a lifetime of love and happiness. These shopping stories aren’t going to make or break your relationship, but if you can be prepared to wait while your spouse is shopping with something that can occupy your mind and help pass the time or you can do something fun at the end of the wait, it can surely reduce some of the anxiety and stress that can come along with the waiting.

*** Please Note: If you do play games in the dressing room as Stuart mentions, be careful of privacy and delete photos before they can get shared out on the Internet. Remember that once something like that gets out, you can't get it back. Use common sense and protect your privacy. Have fun!

The Couples Expert podcast is sponsored by the 2 days and 7 conversations Hold Me Tight Workshop. These workshops are a way to help reconnect and learn how to have the conversations you need to have with your partner. You can learn to move forward in a more positive way after the weekend is over. It really can change your life! Learn more about the couples weekend here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/

Please join Stuart next week as he welcomes guest Alex Swire-Clark, an expert in human behavior and communication. Stuart and Alex are going to talk about personality types, communication and the impact these characteristics have on a love relationship and marriage.

We hope you’ll join us.

Until next time… Wait patiently, shop smart, and stay connected.

Hello and welcome to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week on the show, Stuart is going to discuss the pain and consequences of financial infidelity. This kind of relationship injury has an incredible impact on a couple. Listen as Stuart talks about how financial infidelity can break your relationship, and how to repair it.

Stuart has just returned from his spring vacation with his wife, where he got to unplug from the Internet for a while. It was a great time of connection for Stuart and Debbie and you know what? He didn’t miss that bombardment of information, news and noise for those 6 days at all!  Stuart had been to the resort with a girlfriend before he met Debbie. For some couples this might cause a problem if there were any insecurity in the relationship, but not for them! They’ve enjoyed their time away. Stuart always comes back from vacation with a renewed sense of purpose and more ideas for helping couples connect.

Spending money is harder for some people than for others. Luxury spending can get very expensive. Stuart just had to replace a part on his home A/C unit, and he hated to spend the money ( he says he can be cheap), but needed to get that air conditioning up and running for the Arizona summer heat! The savings on the power bill was worth the cost of the service call for the repair.

Money can be a difficult thing for couples to talk about. So to avoid the conflict, many couples just don’t divulge the money they’re spending. This is where financial infidelity can begin. This is a relationship injury that isn’t widely discussed. Stuart will define this for you and probe a little deeper into the subject.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

Financial infidelity is a major trust violation 8:16

Lies bring up questions about the security of the relationship 10:45

You both need to decide on money matters that affect your lives 13:31

If you’ve spent money and lied, it’s time to come clean 17:40

You should review your financial condition together regularly 21:24

You need to secure the future of your family 24:46

Moving beyond the trust violation 27:06

If your relationship has suffered a trust violation due to financial infidelity, Stuart recommends the following:

Come clean. No punishment. You can’t go back, only move forward. Talk it through and agree to start over with a clean slate and get together on all of your financial issues.

Get rid of separate bank accounts. Get joint accounts and go over the monthly statements together.

Resolve to have honest conversations, give and receive sincere apologies and move forward in the spirit of togetherness and honesty.

You didn’t set out to hurt each other, you have to work on the emotional pieces of your relationship at the same time that you repair your finances.

You are going to have a long road back to recover both emotionally and financially. It might take years, so you have to be prepared to do that work on the repair the relationship and on the finances.This can mean making a budget and monitoring it monthly. Get help from a financial expert and from a couples expert.  Let love be the guiding force in rebuilding the trust and security both financially and emotionally.

Sponsored by: Before You Tie The Knot -  12 Essential Conversations to have before you marry.  This online course is recommended for anyone who is getting married.  http://beforeyoutietheknot.thecouplesexperts.com

Email Stuart at: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Next Week : On the heels of this episode about financial infidelity, we’re going to a shopping nightmare next week!  There are shoppers, and then there are shoppers . Join us on The Couples Expert next time when Stuart explores The Curse of the Shopper’s Husband! It’s going to be fun.We hope you’ll listen in.

Until next time, remember to be honest and thrifty, save and spend wisely, and stay connected!

Welcome to The Couples Expert podcast! This is episode 163 of our show. This week’s topic is about the joys and challenges of keeping a close and connected sexual relationship as we age.

Our bodies will continue to change over time, and no matter how emotionally connected we are to our partners, the process of aging can introduce doubts and insecurities into our intimate life.

Listen as Stuart tackles this important subject today.

What you’ll learn from today’s podcast:

• Sexuality in the early relationship and the impact of children 4:36
• The effects of aging on your bodies 10:52
• If you don’t make it important enough,  the physical touch and intimacy is lost 13:09
• You’re never too old to be sexual with your partner 15:01
• When physical issues interfere with sexual activity 16:35
• Scheduling sex may become necessary  18:03
• Suggestions for help and how to talk about these problems 25:29

It’s crucial that you discuss your sexual issues without reservation. This is the best friend that you’ve been with and cherished for so long. You have all of this history, love and passion that you’ve shared over the years. You can and must talk to each other as time goes by. The evolution of your sexual relationship is an integral part of this. Use the tools available to help in the form of lubricant products and pharmaceuticals. If you address complications and challenges (such as your physical limitations) together, it’s absolutely possible that you can modify your sexual activities as you age so that you can continue to enjoy sex together well into advanced age.

The Couples Expert Podcast is sponsored by: Stuart’s Daily Notes. Daily mentoring from The Couples Experts. Register here : https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/stuart-daily-notes/  

Email Stuart at podcast@thecouplesexperts.com  - He would love to hear from you with your suggestions, comments and questions.

Next Week: Thank you and join us next week for a less sexy but very important subject. Stuart tackles the topic of financial infidelity. We hope you’ll listen in.

Until next time, keep it sexy, and stay connected!

Hello and welcome to this episode of The Couples Expert podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This is episode 162 of our show. This week Stuart welcomes Lauren Selfridge to the podcast. Lauren became interested in becoming a therapist after being a lifelong client of therapy. She wanted to be a couple’s therapist.

While in school she began to have symptoms of what she later learned was Multiple Sclerosis.

Lauren is joining us to talk about a topic that is important to a lot of people, that of having a loved one with a chronic illness. She had to learn to live with this illness while training to be a therapist.

Stuart has a personal connection with this topic as his daughter has had medical issues throughout her life and he’s been very open about talking about what living with someone who has medical issues and the impact on family and relationships.

Poem: Welcome to Holland http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

What you’ll learn about in today’s podcast:

• Lauren’s journey has helped her to be a better therapist 10:56
• How talking about chronic illness is important in a couple’s relationship 14:07
• When one of you is ill and you can’t participate in activities you love 16:09
• It’s about the attitude and the experience 18:17
• Chronic illness will show you who you really are  22:24
• You are not your disease 23:44
• Navigating emotions and illness in a relationship is tricky 24:22
• Doing the work early in the relationship makes it better when the challenges come 26:12
• Suggestions for couples dealing with health challenges 32:27

It’s so important to separate the person from the illness and for each partner in the relationship to realize that there’s a lot of guilt and shame that comes if they’re feeling like they brought the illness into the relationship vs. both partners are united in battling the challenges together as a unified team. This distinction helps for couples to remain close and connected and allow them to give each other space to talk about how they’re feeling about the challenge.

Each person should be able to express how the changes affect them , the fears and concerns they have and hopefully through doing this gain a deeper insight into how each of them are feeling about what both are going through.

We want to extend our thanks to Lauren Selfridge for being on the podcast this week. You can learn more about Lauren and listen to her podcast “This is Not What I Ordered” here : https://laurenselfridge.com/

Getting The Love You Want book and workshop recommended by Lauren Selfridge https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniversary/dp/0805087001  

The Couples Expert is sponsored by: The Annual Relationship Check up! There’s a way for you to do an evaluation on just where you are in your relationship right now. https://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/annual-relationship-check-up/

Next Week: Join Stuart next week when he tackles another health-related topic of genuine concern for couples: That of sexuality as we age. We hope you’ll listen in.

Email Stuart at:  podcast@thecouplesexperts.com

Until next time, stay connected!

Hi and welcome back to The Couples Expert Podcast with your host Stuart Fensterheim. This week’s topic is “One foot out the door and how to fix it.”  This is episode 161 of our show. The meaning behind the title, as you will soon see, is more about being fully invested in your relationship. When you’re all in as in poker, you don’t leave yourself an “out.” That’s what Stuart will be discussing in this very important podcast episode today.

See Stuart’s Facebook Live on the gratitude he has for all of you that listen to the podcast. Thank you for taking the time to listen in. He recorded the Live on April 18, 2018.

Stuart talks about how he has recommitted to his faith since his Dad passed away and has joined a men’s group through the temple.

He had an opportunity to honor his Dad’s memory by reading from the Torah at a service in the synagogue. Stuart and Debbie were invited to a Kentucky Derby party at a friend’s on Cinco de Mayo, which is the same Saturday as the service in the temple.  He thought hard about the conflict and prayed about it and decided that it was more important to him and his relationship with his wife to spend that Saturday with Debbie and their friends, making the relationship more important than anything else. After all, he’d already bought the hat!  

Stuart will continue to honor his Dad in his religious practice, but felt that Dad’s emphasis on the importance of family and relationships warranted his staying with Debbie for this social event that means so much to them. Stuart made the choice to devote the time to his relationship with Debbie and choosing love.

What you’ll learn from today’s episode:

• Nothing matters more than your relationship 8:46
• Feeling alone in a struggling relationship is a terrible place 11:09
• The foundation has to be built to move forward 15:56
• Begin to talk about the things you need to do to feel the connection you’ve lost 20:02
• Be invested, be romantic, take it one day at a time. Show that commitment every day. 22:24

It’s so important to set aside time that’s special just for the two of you. Start courting your partner, call or text them during the day. Think about them when you’re apart. Begin to do things together like you did when you were dating.  Go along and don’t complain. Make it about sharing fun times with your partner and making it a good experience for them. Ask more frequent questions about how they’re doing and feeling. 

Take a look at yourself and work on those things that might be causing problems for the two of you. Those things you can change within yourself. If you’re overcommitting time with kid activities, back off a little and schedule couples time as a priority.

Date, flirt and play together and make it romantic. Get away together and just have fun and be sweet to each other, make it about having an emotional connection together. Special time together is so important. Have you gone all in?

This podcast is sponsored by: The 2 Days and 7 Conversations workshop presented by The Couples Expert. Learn more here: http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/hold-me-tight/  

Email: podcast@thecouplesexperts.com Stuart would love to hear from you with reviews, comments and suggestions for future podcasts.

Next week: Lauren Selfridge will be Stuart’s guest on The Couples Expert. They will be discussing, love, relationships and chronic illness. We hope you’ll listen in.

Until next time -  Go all in with each other and stay connected!